Thankful…

 

Thanksgiving is my favorite festival of the year – it’s about community and coming together and traditional, delicious foods.  It’s about being and not getting, having and not presuming.   A holiday based on Gratitude and food, you really can’t improve on that for me!  I really hate how commercialized some of the holidays have become, all about the presents, not about being present…  But Thanksgiving retains its sense of being about the gathering of family and friends, about the food (though we can certainly get competitive and crazy about that.  My recommendation, avoid Pintrest!) and about the name – giving thanks. 

This year I have much to be grateful for.  There were several surgeries in my family that all went well.  My son is growing up, taller now than both of us. And we brought in a new member of our family this year – Charlie, the sweetest dog you’ve ever seen, who we found through the Humane Society of New York.  If you ever want to rescue a dog, they are so dedicated and so good, I would highly recommend them. 

I hope you all had a warm and hearty Thanksgiving.   Now,  to prove my theory that time goes at different paces,  the days will quickly disappear and it will be Christmas in the blink of a eye!

New York Cards - Two of Pentacles

Two of Pentacles

 Life in New York is definitely a juggle, lots of balls in the air, lots of movement.  I like this card,  it represents that the balls are moving smoothly,  that the act is working.  If you get it reversed,  it can mean that you feel that there are too many balls in the air and you are scared of dropping one. 

Sometimes people come and tell me they want a quieter, calmer life,  and to create that within the energy of New York takes a lot of focus.  Places definitely have different energies that can influence our daily lives and the energy of New York City is definitely an on the go,   lots of balls in the air sort of place.  

If you flow with that, then it’s easier, but if you are fighting it, then things can get harder and slipperier here.  And if you really hate that, then perhaps New York is not the best fit for you.  That is neither a negative statement about you or the city (I hate the ‘if you can make it here’ line)  it’s just that sometimes a places energy suits our personal needs, and sometimes it’s doesn't. 

Five of Wands

The 5 of wands is another card I see often describing New York situations, especially around work.  We all want the 3 of pentacles in our work space – creative, harmonious work.  But often we get the 5 of wands – people hitting at each other with sticks.  I remind my clients that life in New York City can be like a game of hockey -  loud and boisterous and sometimes, unimaginably, people will actually block your goals.

But for the most part, this is a game without malice (the malicious situations get different cards:  the 5 of swords or the 7  of swords often appear)  If you are sitting on the field without joining in, it can be frightening, everyone thundering above your head. The only way to win is to participate - get up and grab your own stick, and play along - then New York can be exhilarating. 

The New York cards

There are some cards I think of as more typically New York than other places, that I see more here than I have previously – of course it might be a more second millennium kind of card too, as I have been reading here for the past 10 years.  My next few posts will be about these cards.

I’ll start with the Seven of Cups.

7 cups, Rider Waite deck

The seven of cups is about having choice,  but instead of feeling empowered,  “I have all these options!” the drawer feels overwhelmed,  “I have all these options but can only chose one…”  and there are consequences,  seen and otherwise, of each choice.  So now I stand paralyzed (or crouch if you are looking at the beautiful card below!)  not knowing which cup to select,  which cup to let go of. 

I find that New York in particular has this obsession with keeping options open.  But what I tell people is that after a while, making no decision becomes its own decision, and some of these cups will naturally disappear if they are not chosen. Some may go for a short time, some may go forever, that is life.  But choosing a cup, finding a direction, even if it not the ultimate direction but merely a side path, gives  life energy. 

7 of cups,  Klimpt deck

People often say to me that they don’t want to have regrets.  I think standing paralyzed and not choosing creates a regret of its own. So my other answer is that regrets are not cancer (unless we make them so.)  Regrets are risks that don’t pay off in the short term in the way that we had hoped.  And even if they make it to the long term (I will always regret not buying New York real estate when we arrived in 2002!) it doesn't mean that we should not act.  It just means that we lived and learnt.

7 of cups,  urban tarot deck

So these Seven of cups remind us to make a choice and live with it, and if it doesn't pan out the way we had hoped, then we will course correct and make another one… 

How Often Can I come and see you?

After a successful tarot reading, people often ask when they can come and see me again.  I usually say at least 3 -4 months,  otherwise the cards won’t have changed enough.

One of my regulars wanted to see me after about 2 months,  having a work situation she wanted to talk about.    Her last reading was July 31st,  she called me in October…  I make a post card summary of the cards for you to take home,  and take take a photograph of it for my notes, and her last reading was still on my phone.

So I had to laugh when I saw the cards.  Statistically, someone once explained to me how difficult and rare it was to get the same card in exactly the same spot, but the math got so complex I just accepted that it was very rare.  She had two identical duplicates (same card, same spot) and one similar (same card, different spot.) The very first card of her reading was exactly the same as the very first card of her last reading - Chariot Reversed.  (she does not feel like she is in the driver's seat)   And her near future card – still the Emperor. And she had one more duplicate, Lovers, but it was not in exactly the same position. 

I told her I was going to write about this.  She still in the same space and still drawing the same cards (but once she gets past the Emperor, things are getting better for her!) 

Skeptics sometimes say to me, but anyone could draw those cards, and I say no, only you are going to draw those particular cards…

So if you see me too soon, the cards won’t have shifted enough.  I often see my regulars once or twice a year, more if something serious or stressful is going on. But you can’t go to a tarot reading once a month – the cards will just repeat themselves – which at least will serve to increase your faith in them! 

The reason I have such faith in the cards is that I see this kind of magic all the time… 




These gorgeous tarot cards are from the Steampunk deck

My reality

Pajama Diaries 

This made me laugh,  because it's true!  One of the reasons I love tarot readings is that I am clear and focused then,  and don't get distracted.  But when I am not reading...  those magic portals have their effect! 

Phone Readings

I frequently get people calling from all over the place, asking me if I can phone readings.  I’m really sorry, and I have tried in the past, but I don’t get anything from the cards if you haven’t shuffled them. 

I read the cards, and I need you to move them around, so that your energy infuses them. Otherwise, it’s all just mud for me.  I really trust the cards and if they and I ever disagree, I give their voice far more weight – I’m just a person, but the cards – I’ve seen them be accurate far too many times to doubt them!

So if you would like a reading with me, we have to meet face to face, so you can shuffle the cards.

One thing I have tried successfully for clients who have moved away is skype readings.  If they want to continue reading with me, I get them to buy their own deck, and then we do a skype reading, with me looking at the cards that they have dealt.  That can work very well too. 

Linked In data

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how OK Cupid had used its enormous cache of information to analyze dating trends.   This week, LinkedIn put out its own data analysis of resumes and college degrees to see which colleges got people into which jobs – something that has solid real world data and so is enormously interesting.  I often do readings for people looking to change jobs or careers.  Having worked at a dating agency and in recruitment, I know well the tension of these ‘interview’ situations, and find having more facts at your fingertips always helps. 

Got a mention in the New York Post

There was an article on tarot in the New York Post this week - and I got a mention!  Always fun when that happens. 

In case the link doesn't work - here's the article below -

After about a month of dating a new guy, Amy, 32, is ready to take the next step in the budding relationship, but that doesn’t mean mentioning his name to her mom or friending him on Facebook.

Instead the Boerum Hill resident makes an appointment with a tarot reader.
“If I like a guy, it’s helpful to get an outside opinion as to whether this guy could be a long-term thing or just a fling,” says Amy, a lawyer who asked not to use her last name due to professional reasons. “It’s the same as getting feedback from friends as to whether a guy is good for you.”

More and more New Yorkers say they’re seeking out love advice from tarot card readers, and Newsweek research from 2013 found that 18-to-30-year-olds are more likely to turn to tarot and astrological readings than religion or praying to cope with existential angst.

But tarot readers may be adding to that angst by doling out relationship advice — especially in New York City, where love is notoriously hard to find. Jersey City resident Walt Hickey recently went to Union Square tarot reader Angela Lucy. She told him he was likely to be unlucky in love until December.

It sounded grim to Hickey, a writer for the statistical analysis blog fivethirtyeight.com. Then he looked at some stats on the subject and found that there may not be much more in the reading beyond a little common-sense intuition.  “New York City is the third worst city for relationship formation, according to Facebook data,” Hickey says. “It’s not a stretch for a tarot reader to assume a single New Yorker is having trouble.”

Liat Silberman, a Tribeca-based tarot reader, doesn’t think of tarot as a tool for predicting the future. Rather, she says a reading can help clients identify blind spots and bad habits in their lives. “So often, clients come in asking me when they’ll meet their husband or wife. And I can’t tell them that,” says Silberman, adding that this lack of certainty will often initially annoy her clients — but that if they stick with her, they and their love lives will benefit. “In Australia, where I learned how to read tarot card, readers are often Jungian therapists, drawn to the cards because of the archetypes they contain.”

Silberman, herself a former psychotherapist who decided to focus on the cards full time, has found there’s a lot of overlap between therapy and tarot.
“The cards can uncover patterns and show you where you might be stuck,” she explains. “You might want to meet a mate, but are stuck in a relationship conflict with your parents. Until you resolve that, love won’t happen.”

Tarot reader Lucy says that, often, the most obvious tough-love advice can be helpful when it comes from her — because clients will actually follow through in a way they wouldn’t if they heard it from their friends. “I had one client who came in, desperate to find a partner. She had a ring on her left hand!” Lucy explains. “I put the cards down and told her, ‘Everyone thinks you’re married!’ Until I said that, she had no idea that was the message she was sending.”
Although the advice may be taken with a grain of salt, busy New York City millennials have embraced the “can’t hurt, might help” mentality a tarot reader might bring.  

“The instant gratification of actually getting a response to a question like ‘Why hasn’t he texted?’ outweighs the fact that the answer is probably BS,” says Deena, 30, an editor and East Village resident who declined to give her last name for professional reasons. “Because, hey, what if it’s not BS?”
The last tarot reader she spoke with correctly guessed the first letter of her current boyfriend’s name. “I think that’s pretty good,” she enthuses.

Tarot together?

Sometimes people ask if they can bring someone to sit in on the reading with them.  Or they want two readings,  back to back,  and to listen on to each other’s readings.  

I always stress that if they are really close friends,  having someone sit on the reading with them can make it better. They can talk about it afterwards together,  and mull over it.  However if they are not close friends,  it’s much worse.  Because the tarot can reveal secrets, and if you are not prepared for the other person to know these things about you,  then don’t bring them along. And if you are having doubts about your relationship,  then please don’t bring your boyfriend  – that can really get quite awkward! So office buddies, no.  But best friends or sisters (I often have sisters come to have and listen on each other’s readings readings), yes!  

Beautiful images are Sister Saints escape from Catholic School  and Chapel of Thanksgiving 

Dating

I worked for 3 years at a dating agency,  so I’m always interested in things like this video by OK cupid.  I went to a talk given by one of the OK Cupid founders once and was fascinated – they have so much data,  so many millions of interactions,  you can see patterns writ large. 

What I find today is that people often get confused by what I call the Pride and Prejudice principle. In the 1800’s, society was structured so that everyone you met was of the same religious, educational and socioeconomic background, and if you felt sexual attraction, that was the green light to go ahead and fall in love.

However today, you meet someone and have great sexual attraction, it’s not a green light at all – you still have to check if your goals and values are the same, if you want to create the same sort of future/relationship together.  Things are far less homogeneous now,  which is a good thing,  we are meeting a far more diverse and interesting group of people,  but it also means that romantic love is harder – just because you feel a strong attraction, you don’t necessarily have the foundation to hold it together once the intense fire of the attraction banks to a glow… 

Recording the readings

Pol Ledent,  Dreaming in the Garden

A while ago I did a reading for a 27 year old woman, bored at work but they are paying for her to complete her masters, so she knows she has another two years there.  Her issue is that she is searching for a stable relationship, but she is not finding it.

The reading ended with a moving talk about her mother. She drew 2 of cups for her - they love each other, but also she feels judged, her mother is always hassling her to get married. But she wants it too, they are on the same page, it’s just that she hasn't met anyone.  So she just has to say that - I want stability and love too, it’s a sadness for me that I haven’t found it yet, and her mother will settle down.  She told me she wished she had recorded the reading after that discussion.   

Now I always encourage people to record the readings.  Initially I didn’t care so much, but I get such frequent feedback about it, that people often listen to the reading a couple of times, that it was very helpful, that now I really try to get everyone to do it.  If you don’t want it, you can delete it, but if you do want it, and you don’t have it, then there is nothing to be done…   

Saying what I see…

I had a reading the other day where a girl asked me about work – it was clear that her current job no longer excited her and it was time to move on.  She had a job in mind and I always say tell me as little as possible, so that the cards can speak more clearly, just think of it as Job A. 

The cards were not good – tower / 7 cups /10 pentacle reversed.  I shook my head and her face just fell – she had been on several interviews with them already and the vibe had felt so right!  I hate giving bad news to people, but I always say what I see in the cards. 

We had a long talk about other job options and how she should position herself.  Then the next day I got an email from her – she spoke to them and they are suspending Job A for the time being, hiring no one… but she told me that because of our reading she felt able to handle the conversation and she knew that she would get a better job soon – the cards were clear on that count too – she ended with the Queen of Pentacles. 

A good tarot reading won’t always tell you what you want to hear,  but it should help you handle what happens better…

Lovely Cups

Every so often I come across a new deck/interpretation of a card which helps me deepen my understanding of the cards.  I always encourage people to google or pinterest an important card,  to see if they can find a version that speaks to them,  because each artist has something to contribute,  and sometimes one version just says it the most clearly to you.

I recently came across Phantomwise tarot on pinterest and really enjoyed how they envisioned the cups suite. They had such a cute 2 of cups,  that I just wanted to share it with you - the 2 of cups is a card of equal love,  of both of you putting the same amount/kind of energy into the relationship -  and these rabbits with their sweetness leaning towards each other just made me smile. 

And then their 10 of cups was equally bright and charming -  this is often the happy ever after family card,  and here are all the rabbits, a family together,  drinking tea... 

Magic of the Magician

After every reading, I write the cards you drew on a post card, so you can remember them and, if you wish,  you can look them up on this blog or elsewhere to explore them further. 

I did a reading recently where the girl brought last readings postcard with her.   She asked about her relationship and drew the Magician:- her boyfriend is a magician, a bit slippery but with some magic,  some sleight of hand and some misdirection, voila, he call pull the rabbit out of the hat. It’s a great card for someone wanting to succeed in New York. 

And then I glanced at her old card,  and saw that last September, she had drawn exactly the same card about him. 

That’s why I love the cards,  he was the magician then, he’s still the magician now,  it’s way beyond chance that she should keep drawing the same card to describe him…  (and she agreed with the description,  ‘it’s very him’ ) 

Thinking too loud…

I did a reading recently for a woman and ended with the 8 of cups, walking away with wisdom, and she told me she wanted to leave New York City and go somewhere else.  ‘Like Denver?’ I asked.  And she and her friend looked at me, spooked, and said, we were just talking Denver before we came to you.  And I laughed and said well you must have been thinking a bit too loudly and I picked it up.

I can’t read minds and I definitely can’t get readings off objects.  But occasionally, if you have just been talking/worrying about something, I happen to say it in the next sentence.  I know I do this because people often comment on it.   There is something about focusing on the cards, and on the person, which settles me and if you are broadcasting, I can pick it up; which is why I only do 3 readings a day – to keep the focus sharp. 

Sometimes the idea of ending is worse than the reality

Irina Charny,  Solititude 

I did a reading recently for one of my regulars, who has been going through a very difficult patch with her boyfriend.  He was treating her more and more badly as his parents’ disapproval of the relationship hardened.  She would often weep during readings, asking if it would all turn out okay.  The cards were not reassuring. 

I hadn’t seen her for about 6 months when she came again, and her cards were so much brighter this time,   she had found her Queen ofSwords and her outcome was the Knight of Cups, she is riding in the right direction. How had she turned the relationship around? 

Irina Charny,  Fortuna

The answer was that she hadn’t. She had finally broken up with him.  And as often turns out, the idea of breaking up with him was much more terrifying than the reality.  She had clung to a difficult and demoralizing relationship out of love but also fear.  And when she finally broke it off (after finding out he was seeing another girl at the same time!) she felt relieved and empowered.  And her cards were much more hopeful, the King of Pentacles hovering in the possible outcome.  

Irina Charny Journey

And isn't Irina Charny a genius?  I just love her artwork! 

Falling into the Vortex

I have had the most frustrating few weeks.  As I said to my friend, it’s only first world problems, but I live in the first world!

My internet has been intermittent or just plain down for the past 2 weeks, ditto my cell phone, I haven’t been able to reply to emails.  When my phone does work,  it drops out every second call.  Or I can hear them but they can’t hear me.  Most importantly,  my calendar, which is my entire work life, is wiped, and can’t fix it.   (the cloud ate it) 

Deep breath.  As I try to reenter my calendar,  piecing it together from old emails and texts,  I’m so discombobulated,  I’m making errors in reentry and completely confusing myself.  I have to stop and get a cup of tea and then start again.

How do I act under pressure? Well first I was in denial, hoping everything would just sort itself out with no agency from me.  Then when I acknowledged to myself how real it was, and I felt swamped and panicked, and couldn’t think clearly.  I had to take myself out, walk our new puppy, sit in the sun in the dog park, and calm down a bit.   Finally I rang some professionals and took steps to fix things and deal with fall out.   As of now, I am back on line, my phone more or less works, my email arrives and doesn’t disappear. My texts are sent, and arrive…    I’m back in the 21^st century again.

But as one of my friends said, I really did fall into the vortex there.   Funny how long two weeks can feel when you are struggling against every single day.   Sometimes the energy just turns against you and you have to wait it out,  treading water,  even getting dunked a few times,  till you can get back in the flow again.

So if you have been trying to get in contact with me these past two weeks and have found it difficult – now you know why… 

I’m on the other side of it now:  if you want a reading, drop me a line, send me a text and I’ll fit you into my sparkling new calendar…

Rules for Being Human

Following my ramblings on life lessons,  I thought this piece would work well.  I don't like the word 'Rules' - that can press my buttons,  but if I think of it as Truths,  Truths about being human,  I can take it all in.  I came across it when I was working as a therapist in an addiction clinic,  and it still holds true,  all these years later...

The Rules for Being Human

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here." When your "there" has become a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you. The answer to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. This will often be forgotten, only to be remembered again.

(Cherie Carter-Scott)

I just love no. 10 - because it is forgotten but lingers,  and once you know it,  you can draw on it again.  Very nice piece,  glad to remind myself of it.

Preparedness and Luck II – Life Lessons

So I wrote about Preparedness and Luck and realized something was missing from it. Sometimes we decide we want or need something and life doesn't give it to us.  It can be the extreme – I want an Oscar and a movie star career – or completely ordinary – I want a baby.  Whatever it is, the desire is heartfelt and true, but the reality doesn't come. 

Now we have to ask ourselves, why are we not getting what we so desire? The baby is actually a better example than the Oscar and fame – actually very few people get Oscars and fame, but the vast majority can have babies, if they want.  So if that is your wish, why can’t you have it?  

Ariel Brearly,  Eve Interrupted

Then you have to ask the difficult questions – what is the life lesson I am expected to learn here?  I have preparedness but luck isn't coming to me, there is something I need to learn.  It will be a struggle to learn,  because most life lessons are.  But whether it is acceptance or dealing with control issues, or even that you are not with the right person, (this is not to imply by any means that this is your particular story, these are just random examples) or whatever lesson that you need to learn around this area, the issue will not resolve, the luck will not come, until the lesson is learnt.  

Shuranda Ann Kumara,  Compassion Hug

But it also means, once the lesson is learnt, that particular issue goes away, and your energy starts to flow the way you want it to again,  until the next life lesson emerges.