Grief is like a wave

Grief is such an odd creature.  It just swoops in, at unexpected moments,  to wash over you. 

And I guess I just have to remind myself that I'm on the beach,  and grief is a wave that sweeps in and splashes me,  and then sweeps out again.  And the next wave may contain joy,  or serenity,  or more grief,  who knows...  but the beach is a healing space for me and I like waves.  

Maybe I can step back a bit and not get splashed so much,  but what's the sense in that.  I always want to be in the mix of life,  so I just let the water flow... 

A step back to normality

I did my first tarot reading since my husband died and it was good to talk about something other than me!  It was good to feel competent and professional once more. 

One thing I find difficult in my life right now is that people don't want to talk about their realities, because mine is so pressing. But all of our realities are important to us,  and I want to share in other people's life and stories.  I can't bear it being only about me,  it's both too heavy and too boring!  So I'm happy to hear about my friend's family weddings,  meet a new grandchild,  see the photos from the zoo.   And I'm happy to hear from clients too!  I love tarot readings and doing them makes me feel more normal. 

So if you are thinking of getting a reading,  drop me a line,  or whatsap / text me and let's see what we can work out... 

Liat

+61 0477 043 555

tribecatarotreader@gmail.com

All too real

My husband has been ill for many years now.  It was a slow progressive illness which kept branching off into new and terrible complications.

He died last Wednesday,  April 1st,  Erev Seder in the Jewish Calendar.

I veer between calm and sadness,  between acceptance and grief. 

Or all at the same time,  sadly calm,  acceptingly grief struck.  I cry a lot and then just as suddenly stop,  like a tap that doesn't know whether it's off or on. 

Just want the universe to know,  what a magical man he was,  and how sorry we all are to lose him.  He was much loved. 

His memory is a blessing for us.

Current favorite poem

I revisit this poem from time to time.  The first time I read it,  I was still menstruating and I kind of smiled at it.  But having reached menopause some years ago,  this poem grows stronger for me each passing year.   I think this is why we need poets to write about our own experiences.  Otherwise we just miss their amazing perspective and reframing of our lives... 

To my Last Period

by Lucille Clifton

well girl, goodbye,

after thirty-eight years

thirty-eight years and you

never arrived

splendid in your red dress

without trouble for me

somewhere, somehow

now it is done

and i feel just like

the grandmothers who, after the hussy has gone,

sit holding her photograph and sighing,

wasn't she beautiful?

wasn't she beautiful?

Adulting

Things just go in waves around me. I read something online and the next day someone talks about exactly the same thing in a reading. 

So this weeks theme is Adulting.  Who's good at it,  who isn't,  what does it even mean?

Online a person was upset that all their friends appeared to be moving forward career wise,  while they weren't.  During the reading my client didn't get into the MA course she really wanted,  while her friend got into hers.  

And I said that the old saying - Comparison is the thief of joy - is just so true!  Of course we don't know what else is going on in the other person's life,  but I like to mention Bob Fosse, who after winning both an Oscar (for Cabaret) and a Tony (for Pippin) in the same year (!) had a small nervous breakdown afterwards,  because who could ever follow that up again?  

So try not to let your own or other people's successes overwhelm you.  Try to  find joy in the small moments and let yourself breathe.  It's tough out there and contentment is a real gift you can give yourself. 

Self Help books (or videos)

I often encourage my readers to get self help books.  For a minimal cost, if you get just one sentence out of it,  it's a fabulous payoff. 

I watched a video (of course it's about Heated Rivalry,  but the topic is much broader than that) about facing your worst fears.

And the one sentence I took away is Self judgement doesn’t debate, it stamps a verdict.

And that is so true. I meet people for tarot readings and their self judgement so often puts them in a corner that they can't seem to find way out. And the cards are often so clear for them. And kinder to them than they are to themselves.

Self judgement feels like facts, like reality. If you can give yourself a bit of space from these core self judgements (eg I'm a loser, I always pick the wrong guys, I'm bad with money) you can start to see that they are not reality, and you can shift them. Hard work but so worth it!

Current favorite poem

 

Isn't that just perfect?  Poetry,  like a great song,  can just lift me to a different place.   By the wonderful Wendy Cope

Going in the wrong direction?

I had a conversation with a client the other day and it reminded me of an old post I had written some years ago.  I looked up that post,  The Universe Hates Me, and it was from 2012,  so I think I can repeat it now!

Sometimes we are really struggling to find something - a new job,  a new friendship,  a new anything,  and it feels like all the winds of chance are blowing against us.  It's uphill and difficult and successes are few and far between.  A real 10 of wands feeling. 

So one question we have to ask ourselves  is - are we walking in the right direction?  My 2012 article was about work - he hated work,  and it hated him back.  To me,  it was clear that he was in the wrong job,  and it was time to move on. 

With love,  sometimes people want an idealized figure to give them status,  or to make them feel better about themselves or fill something up inside them.  They are looking for something a loving relationship really isn't meant to give,  and so they can't find it.  All those young men who want a gorgeous,  submissive perfect woman,  without thinking about what a real relationship looks like,  well they don't find it.  And that's because they are looking in the wrong direction. 

Life,  fate,  karma,  whatever you call it,  has very strong lessons for us.  And if we don't listen the first time,  it comes back with reinforcements!  So if the wind is blowing really strongly against us,  is the wind wrong or maybe we should turn around and let the wind give us momentum. 

Want a cookie energy

Recently a client used a phrase I hadn't heard before and I just thought it was perfect.  She was complaining about her husband and said he just has this 'want a cookie' energy.  She caught my puzzled look and said,  every time he does anything,  just normal adult stuff,  like unload the dishwasher or move clothes into the dryer,  he acts like he should get a cookie/reward for it.  (paraphrasing,  but that's the gist of it)  She's tired of him wanting praise and cookies for just doing basic stuff,  while not giving the same back to her. 

That was a really good observation and one hard that's hard to fight. It's hard when things feel unbalanced.  Her 2 of cups was reversed  and the 5 of swords was hovering.  We had a serious talk and I recommended counselling. These feelings can so easily lead to contempt,  and contempt is the marriage killer. 

But I loved the phrase.  

Let yourself grow before falling in love

So often we look to love to rescue us,  but I do a lot of readings for younger women - just out of college,  just starting their twenties and I tell them that they are still growing and learning about themselves.  

I really wish younger women wouldn't throw so much of themselves into relationships,  and focus more on having a clear relationship with themselves.  And I have to say,  college graduates today are really more self aware than they were 20 years ago. 

People still want relationships,  but not at the cost of their friendships, their career paths,  their own life choices.  And that is as it should be.  You need to know yourself before you become part of pair.  Before you are 25,  no man should be more important to you than the relationship you are building within yourself.  

Do the work on you,  be clear on what you can or can't give,  what you will or won't accept,  and then the Lovers card can appear. 

Today's poetic words

I read this online,  these are not my words.  There was a thread on infidelity and someone wrote this:

May truth find you gently. May clarity reach you before confusion does. May your heart be protected from deception, and your dignity remain untouched by what was never yours to carry. And may whatever is revealed lead you not to pain, but to freedom, strength, and deeper self-respect.

Isn't that beautiful?  I wish it so,  especially on something as painful as infidelity. 

Eye of the Storm

When my life is going particularly crazy I say - it's my life as a telenovela,  in this week's segment they had to raise the ratings - so in the past month,  having never called an ambulance in my life,  I accompanied 2 family members to the hospital.  (one was clearly not sufficient drama)

Then last night my son wakes me from sleep to tell me he had a car accident.  So I'm wide awake and we sort things out.  This morning I am calling all these unfamiliar numbers for insurance and tow trucks. 

Then I get a call from an unfamiliar number and a voice recording says it's my credit card.  I've had 2 unusual expenditures on my account, one for $1000 on itunes and one for $1200 on another gift card.  If I want it go authorize it,  I should press 1,  but if I want to cancel it press 2.  So of course I press 2.  Then it tells me to go on hold,  and plays very pleasant classical music.  Then a man comes on the phone to discuss my credit card.  And suddenly I say,  I'm not comfortable doing this on the phone,  I'm going to go into my bank and talk to them.  And he says,  but you called me.  And I say,  no,  you called me.  And I hung up  and checked my bank account.  No such expenditures had been made.  It was a sophisticated scam.  

I was so frazzled by my family in hospital,  my son in an accident and then this phone call.  It would have been so easy to go with it.  I'm so grateful that I was able to just stop and think.  I actually initially did believe it was real,  but I have such distrust of technology,  that I needed to speak to a real person,  in a real storefront bank.  

So I'm slightly hysterical but so grateful that my son is fine and so is my bank security! I also feel that bad things come in threes (complete superstition,  I know, but it feels true) and that I've broken my current terrible run with not falling for this phone scam. 

Raising children into today's world

I just had a deeply concerning reading for a woman whose child is addicted to youtube kids videos.  I had never seen such videos (they sound benign on the face of it,  kids playing with toys,  kids opening toys)

And then,  the very next day,  I see this article in the New York Times - When a Child's Life Becomes the Family Business.  It was like it was explaining the other side of the reading. 

I do think many of us are too connected to our phones (and I'm in there with the 'us'.)   And I know kids can be annoying and irritating and demanding,  and giving them access to a youtube station by kids and for kids can feel like a safe fix.  But everyone's brains are developing in this scenario and kids watching other kids getting avalanches of toys can make them feel a) less than and b) want more and more. 

So my suggestions are to go slow and limit screen access, encourage real world connections, and talk to your kids.  Get them to help with cooking - a real world activity with the benefits of creating dinner! I know this takes energy, and the kids themselves may fight you on this,  but if we give them good enough alternatives,  then the fighting eases.  Also if none of this works,  please do some research and go and see a professional!  

I don't think there is a simple answer. Even my son says he is grateful he isn't 12 today.  The world is complex and changing more than we realize and we have to tread carefully...  

Finding new work

Did a reading for a woman who had drastically changed jobs (from high end finance to working in an art gallery,) only to discover that the new job did not suit her at all. 

Would she find better work?

She drew the Knight of Swords / Chariot  / 3 of pentacles

Right now she is angry, and riding with that anger but not going in the direction she wants.  However,  if she just lets her intellect guide her, and pull those opposing horses in the right direction,  she will get to creative and harmonious work.

I do love how the cards answer her question.  

Often when we take a risk,  we expect it to pay off immediately.  But the transition from high finance job to art gallery sales was too big a leap.  Also,  she focused on the word art,  but the job focused on the word sales,  and she found that she loves art but hates selling.   

So that's her Knight of swords,  she felt almost duped by the decision she had made.   However the Chariot is a card of strength of will,  where she pulls her will on her future and then she gets to what she wants.  The three of pentacles is an excellent outcome card around the area of work/career. 

We were both pleased by the outcome and I look forward to seeing how it all went,  when she comes for her next reading. 

(The readings are all real, and the cards drawn are all true,  but I change some identifying details to make sure that everyone's privacy is respected.) 

Nine of Cups

New York is a city that invites you to always want more and also,  to make you feel that you never have enough.   It's across all financial stratas.  You want a great bag,  your friend has two.   You want a great holiday,  all your friends are going to Italy or Iceland (didn't pick those at random,  literally everyone I know in New York has been to either and some to both.)  You want a Picasso,  your friend has a Picasso and a better summer house.

This leads us to the 9 of cups.  This card is not about about wealth,  but about contentment.  It's a real gift to be happy with what you've got.  The 9 of cups shows a plumpish man,  sitting with so many cups behind him,  happy with this stash.  He's not mourning some missing cup (though,  of course,  there may always be a missing cup)  But instead he feels the fullness of having enough.

In these social media times,  it's so easy to feel that you don't have enough!  I invite you to meditate on the many beautiful versions of the 9 of cups that are out there,  and give yourself the very real gift of contentment.  Be aware of where your wealth lies, and let yourself feel gratitude for that. 

Is Meritocracy a trap?

2024's new year's resolution was to read/view something interesting and new to me at least once a month,  and just think about it for a while.  Since then I've been putting up all sorts of weird pieces about cultural phenomena that I am reading about. 

This year,  2026,  I'm going to keep this going,  as I enjoyed the many conversations I had both with clients and friends about my reading adventures. 

Starting here with the idea of a meritocracy.  Raising a child in NYC,  meritocracy is a topic close to many a parents' heart. Middle school selection/choice,  high school and then omg,  College selection.  You could talk for months about it!  And all sorts of weird quirks came out, as parents stressed about getting their children the best leg up. 

Here's a really interesting conversation between Eliza Filby and Daniel Markovits about what is happening to the middle class as the wealthy get much wealthier and everyone else does not... They are articulating thoughts I've had myself and gave me a lot of clarity.  I also fell down a rabbit hole and listened to even more interviews with Daniel Markovits,  who is a genuinely interesting thinker. 

Just Give me a Sign

Poor woman.  She came to me for a reading,  and the cards just hated the man she had recently started dating exclusively.  She drew The Devil,  Judgment reversed,  10 of swords. 

So we spoke for a long time about him and her feelings and how she wants it to work.  The cards were really clear,  and they did not see it working. 

And just before we ended,  she said to me that her friends don't like him and her therapist doesn't like him but she wanted to speak to a psychic,  and now I didn't like him (I don't know him! I just told her what the cards told me.)  She feels we are all being unsupportive and she is going to keep seeing him,  anyways. 

I felt like I was watching Steve Martin,  the The Man with Two Brains

She's getting all the signs,  she just doesn't want to hear them! I finally told her to come back in 6 months,  and we'll see where she is from there.  I know she is going to be disappointed in him,  but me knowing,  and her believing are two different things...