Burned haystack dating method

You know the old saying,  it's like finding a needle in a haystack?  Well, Jennie Young played with that saying and created the burned haystack dating method. Basically,  instead of painstakingly searching,  burn that haystack to the ground,  and voila,  a needle appears.

What it means is that she recommends being super selective with your dating apps,  using really strong filters and blocking anyone who doesn't fit your parameters.  Yes,  you may miss some good men,  but you will also miss a whole lot of chaff,  and you will get to your needle much quicker. 

She recommends radical honesty in your dating profiles - say what it is you really want - and stick to it.  If anyone offers things other than that (I really want kids should not match with I'm open to having  kids,  open is not a real match to really want.  Or I really want fidelity is not a match to I'm open to fidelity.) The goal of the profile,  according to her,  is to be a gatekeeper,  and to keep most people out.  

This of course,  depends on you really knowing what you really want.  It also depends on a certain depth of experience with dating.  Because I worry about people setting parameters too tightly.  I've worked in a dating agency and one thing I came to realize is that people really don't know what they want until it walks through the door.  They have a lot of thoughts about what they might want,  but they often surprise themselves.   

So if you really do know what you want,  and really have been on way too many dates and really finding the apps overwhelming,  then I recommend trying this method.  I absolutely agree with her that you should meet as soon as possible,  weeks of texting just soak up time and often go nowhere.   I've had some laughs with tarot clients over the years about it,  and have heard some success around it.

Dating

I worked for 3 years at a dating agency,  so I’m always interested in things like this video by OK cupid.  I went to a talk given by one of the OK Cupid founders once and was fascinated – they have so much data,  so many millions of interactions,  you can see patterns writ large. 

What I find today is that people often get confused by what I call the Pride and Prejudice principle. In the 1800’s, society was structured so that everyone you met was of the same religious, educational and socioeconomic background, and if you felt sexual attraction, that was the green light to go ahead and fall in love.

However today, you meet someone and have great sexual attraction, it’s not a green light at all – you still have to check if your goals and values are the same, if you want to create the same sort of future/relationship together.  Things are far less homogeneous now,  which is a good thing,  we are meeting a far more diverse and interesting group of people,  but it also means that romantic love is harder – just because you feel a strong attraction, you don’t necessarily have the foundation to hold it together once the intense fire of the attraction banks to a glow…