Got a mention in the New York Post

There was an article on tarot in the New York Post this week - and I got a mention!  Always fun when that happens. 

In case the link doesn't work - here's the article below -

After about a month of dating a new guy, Amy, 32, is ready to take the next step in the budding relationship, but that doesn’t mean mentioning his name to her mom or friending him on Facebook.

Instead the Boerum Hill resident makes an appointment with a tarot reader.
“If I like a guy, it’s helpful to get an outside opinion as to whether this guy could be a long-term thing or just a fling,” says Amy, a lawyer who asked not to use her last name due to professional reasons. “It’s the same as getting feedback from friends as to whether a guy is good for you.”

More and more New Yorkers say they’re seeking out love advice from tarot card readers, and Newsweek research from 2013 found that 18-to-30-year-olds are more likely to turn to tarot and astrological readings than religion or praying to cope with existential angst.

But tarot readers may be adding to that angst by doling out relationship advice — especially in New York City, where love is notoriously hard to find. Jersey City resident Walt Hickey recently went to Union Square tarot reader Angela Lucy. She told him he was likely to be unlucky in love until December.

It sounded grim to Hickey, a writer for the statistical analysis blog fivethirtyeight.com. Then he looked at some stats on the subject and found that there may not be much more in the reading beyond a little common-sense intuition.  “New York City is the third worst city for relationship formation, according to Facebook data,” Hickey says. “It’s not a stretch for a tarot reader to assume a single New Yorker is having trouble.”

Liat Silberman, a Tribeca-based tarot reader, doesn’t think of tarot as a tool for predicting the future. Rather, she says a reading can help clients identify blind spots and bad habits in their lives. “So often, clients come in asking me when they’ll meet their husband or wife. And I can’t tell them that,” says Silberman, adding that this lack of certainty will often initially annoy her clients — but that if they stick with her, they and their love lives will benefit. “In Australia, where I learned how to read tarot card, readers are often Jungian therapists, drawn to the cards because of the archetypes they contain.”

Silberman, herself a former psychotherapist who decided to focus on the cards full time, has found there’s a lot of overlap between therapy and tarot.
“The cards can uncover patterns and show you where you might be stuck,” she explains. “You might want to meet a mate, but are stuck in a relationship conflict with your parents. Until you resolve that, love won’t happen.”

Tarot reader Lucy says that, often, the most obvious tough-love advice can be helpful when it comes from her — because clients will actually follow through in a way they wouldn’t if they heard it from their friends. “I had one client who came in, desperate to find a partner. She had a ring on her left hand!” Lucy explains. “I put the cards down and told her, ‘Everyone thinks you’re married!’ Until I said that, she had no idea that was the message she was sending.”
Although the advice may be taken with a grain of salt, busy New York City millennials have embraced the “can’t hurt, might help” mentality a tarot reader might bring.  

“The instant gratification of actually getting a response to a question like ‘Why hasn’t he texted?’ outweighs the fact that the answer is probably BS,” says Deena, 30, an editor and East Village resident who declined to give her last name for professional reasons. “Because, hey, what if it’s not BS?”
The last tarot reader she spoke with correctly guessed the first letter of her current boyfriend’s name. “I think that’s pretty good,” she enthuses.

Tarot together?

Sometimes people ask if they can bring someone to sit in on the reading with them.  Or they want two readings,  back to back,  and to listen on to each other’s readings.  

I always stress that if they are really close friends,  having someone sit on the reading with them can make it better. They can talk about it afterwards together,  and mull over it.  However if they are not close friends,  it’s much worse.  Because the tarot can reveal secrets, and if you are not prepared for the other person to know these things about you,  then don’t bring them along. And if you are having doubts about your relationship,  then please don’t bring your boyfriend  – that can really get quite awkward! So office buddies, no.  But best friends or sisters (I often have sisters come to have and listen on each other’s readings readings), yes!  

Beautiful images are Sister Saints escape from Catholic School  and Chapel of Thanksgiving 

Dating

I worked for 3 years at a dating agency,  so I’m always interested in things like this video by OK cupid.  I went to a talk given by one of the OK Cupid founders once and was fascinated – they have so much data,  so many millions of interactions,  you can see patterns writ large. 

What I find today is that people often get confused by what I call the Pride and Prejudice principle. In the 1800’s, society was structured so that everyone you met was of the same religious, educational and socioeconomic background, and if you felt sexual attraction, that was the green light to go ahead and fall in love.

However today, you meet someone and have great sexual attraction, it’s not a green light at all – you still have to check if your goals and values are the same, if you want to create the same sort of future/relationship together.  Things are far less homogeneous now,  which is a good thing,  we are meeting a far more diverse and interesting group of people,  but it also means that romantic love is harder – just because you feel a strong attraction, you don’t necessarily have the foundation to hold it together once the intense fire of the attraction banks to a glow… 

Recording the readings

Pol Ledent,  Dreaming in the Garden

A while ago I did a reading for a 27 year old woman, bored at work but they are paying for her to complete her masters, so she knows she has another two years there.  Her issue is that she is searching for a stable relationship, but she is not finding it.

The reading ended with a moving talk about her mother. She drew 2 of cups for her - they love each other, but also she feels judged, her mother is always hassling her to get married. But she wants it too, they are on the same page, it’s just that she hasn't met anyone.  So she just has to say that - I want stability and love too, it’s a sadness for me that I haven’t found it yet, and her mother will settle down.  She told me she wished she had recorded the reading after that discussion.   

Now I always encourage people to record the readings.  Initially I didn’t care so much, but I get such frequent feedback about it, that people often listen to the reading a couple of times, that it was very helpful, that now I really try to get everyone to do it.  If you don’t want it, you can delete it, but if you do want it, and you don’t have it, then there is nothing to be done…   

Saying what I see…

I had a reading the other day where a girl asked me about work – it was clear that her current job no longer excited her and it was time to move on.  She had a job in mind and I always say tell me as little as possible, so that the cards can speak more clearly, just think of it as Job A. 

The cards were not good – tower / 7 cups /10 pentacle reversed.  I shook my head and her face just fell – she had been on several interviews with them already and the vibe had felt so right!  I hate giving bad news to people, but I always say what I see in the cards. 

We had a long talk about other job options and how she should position herself.  Then the next day I got an email from her – she spoke to them and they are suspending Job A for the time being, hiring no one… but she told me that because of our reading she felt able to handle the conversation and she knew that she would get a better job soon – the cards were clear on that count too – she ended with the Queen of Pentacles. 

A good tarot reading won’t always tell you what you want to hear,  but it should help you handle what happens better…