Ahead of her Time

Sinead O'Connor saw clearly. She saw what the Church was doing in Ireland and she brought light on it - and frankly,  they tried to crucify her for it.   There's something so powerful when someone can see a cultural disease and clearly speak to it.  

But she saw other things clearly too. How the music industry wanted her to be pretty,  and she shaved her head;  how they wanted her to be docile and she rebelled;  how they wanted her to be overawed by them and she said she never wanted to be a pop star in the first place.  She saw herself so clearly - a protest singer who shone a light.  

I love the quote - in Rememberings, "A lot of people say or think that tearing up the Pope's photo derailed my career. That's not how I feel about it," she wrote. "I feel that having a No. 1 record derailed my career and my tearing the photo put me back on the right track."

I know she is a complex being and not everything she did made sense. But she came from a pure place,  and it took a few decades for us to catch up with her,  and see that most things she said were absolutely true and right.  I am grateful to her,  for the risks she took,  and for how hard she struggled to show us Truth. 

Anxiety

Anxiety - even the mention of the word can make us feel anxious.  Throughout the Covid years I was speaking to a lot of people with increasing issues with anxiety.  And somehow they all felt,  once Covid felt like it was behind us,  the anxiety would decrease.  But there is something about long exposure to anxiety,  it sensitizes us to it.  So the more you are anxious,  the more anxious you can become - feels terribly unfair!  

The best advice I've found for dealing with it, is getting out into nature - a walk in the woods,  by the river,  or the ocean -  works wonders.  But sometimes we are far away from nature,  and getting out of the house on our one day off and trying to find some nature just adds to our stress.  So... I've been recommending guided meditations downloads and aps.  

But first I'll start with a disclaimer.  I absolutely believe that these can help,  but I'm also incredibly picky.  One wrong detail and I'm out of there,  no longer relaxed and in touch,  but rather irritated and more anxious!  So I can reject then on the basis of accent,  of back ground music,  of one wrong word.  But I believe in them,  so while I am picky and reject far more than I accept,  I keep ploughing on till I find the one that works for me.  These have worked for me or been recommended by people I trust and have worked for them.  They may not work for you,  and that's not on you or on the product, it just didn't connect to you.  If they don't work, please just look for another one - and if you find one that really does work for you, let me know and I'll add it to my list of referrals.  

I've listened to literally hundreds of guided meditations,  and this is one of my favorite creators - Belleruth Naparstek. ,  she speaks so kindly and so wisely.   I also like the work by Andrew Weil, he writes a lot about food,  but his CD on music,  with Kimba Arem ,  was just so healing and calming. Also the very well named,  Anxiety Release app comes highly recommended.  

So take a deep breath,  and dive into that world and see what speaks to you... 

How does tarot work?

Had a talk with an old friend about Tarot recently. She asked how I did it and I started with logistics,  a tarot deck,  78 cards (more than a playing card deck),  I always start with the same layout (the Celtic Cross) and do the readings, responding to how the cards fall, in what order.  

But how does it work? 

The body is made up of water and energy,  with a bit of calcium and thickener for the organs and bones.  What we know about the body is growing in leaps and bounds,  but what we know about mind and spirit is much more circumscribed.

I don't know how the energy of the body attracts some cards and repels others.  Because I do so many readings,  I see the magic of it all the time. Does it work because we both want it to?  I've read for real sceptics and had very accurate readings.   I gave her the example of the reading I did recently with the man drawing justice reversed and it turns out he was in the middle of a court case that was not going well.  How did he draw that card and not another?  I don't know that.  

But I do see it time and again.  People with money problems have their pentacles reversed,  people with pain in the hearts draw the three of swords. And equally importantly, people who are in good places relationship wise, don't draw the 3 of swords.  They draw the 2 of cups or the Lovers.  

I believe in psychic phenomena,  so I see evidence of it all the time.  It's hard to have a clear explanation,  but I say,  sometimes you sit next to someone on the bus,  someone you have no interaction with,  and you can see if they are happy or sad,  excited or bored.  The cards take it a step further,  happy about love,  bored with work,  or excited about work,  sad about past love. 

And that's what you go to a tarot reader to see - the pattern and how it is reflecting your life. 

When you are new to a place

I spoke to someone who had recently moved from Ireland and was charmingly lamenting the changes.  Even waiting for the bus could be a bewildering event.  He didn't realize you had to flag down the bus in order to get it to stop,  and a bus roared by,  while clearly seeing him standing there.  Eventually another waiting passenger explained that this stop serviced 4 different routes and if the didn't flag the bus down (by waving clearly) then the bus driver just assumed he was waiting for a different bus and drove on by.    

I do a lot of tarot readings for people who have just moved to New York.  I often talk about managing expectations.   We know how things worked back home,  and sometimes those expectations just bite us when we move somewhere new, especially somewhere as big as New York.   The first six months can definitely feel overwhelming at times.

It's up to us,  the new person,  to see that we have moved and this different place might have good reason for doing things differently.  Or they just might have different customs,  no good reason,  but everyone else does it that way,  so you may have to be the one who adapts.  Or you can bring your better coffee and people come to your café and soon you've changed the local culture. Either way,  there's often no malice,  just different expectations/customs and as long as you keep that in mind,  it's easier to deal with. 

Not yet..

Some people are people pleasers and say yes too often.  Some  people shut the door before they have considered all their options and say no too often.  To tell them to switch roles can be really hard and challenging.  So I tell people to answer maybe.  I'll look into that.  I'll check my calendar.  All small answers to give you a breathing space to see if you want to say yes or no,  or maybe not yet,  but soon... 

I read somewhere that some professor instead of grading pass and fail, graded completions and Not Yet.  Not yet is such a better result than fail.  It means,  you need to try again,  but it could easily work next time.  It means you're not quite ready,  but you could be...  

I really liked that idea (I have no idea where I read it,  I read so much on line!)  So if you want to do something but find yourself unable to get there right now,  don't tell yourself you've failed.  Say,  not yet,  but maybe... maybe soon I can do it.... 

When the cards tell you what you don't want to hear

I had a difficult reading the other day.  A client came in to ask how a very important court case was going to go... and the cards were not at all hopeful.  I looked at him and shook my head.  The cards don't see it going your way,  I said softly.  There wasn't a lot I could do to fix the situation.  Sometimes you have to fold your hand and try another.  

I heard back from him recently.  As the cards foretold,  the court case did not go his way.  Now he has to decide whether to fight on.   I know that an injustice has happened, but if you spend the rest of your life fighting it,  it consumes you and your future.  It's already eaten some of your past. I had to ask him, how much more is he prepared to give to this fight?  How much will he gain? What would happen if he just walked away.  He told me he wanted better cards, and I sighed and agreed. But these were the cards he drew,  and now we just have to deal with the reality that he faces.

Good advice from the internet

So many people come to me to talk about new love,  but just as many come to me to talk about established relationships that are going through a lull or bad patch. They want the cards to reassure them or to give them clarity.  And often the cards do, they have a deep perception about situations.

But people also come for some common sense.  And I have that too.  But I also collect what others say,  to add to my list of useful information.  

This came from a comments section in the New York Times from CarnW,  based in Switzerland:-

35+ years married. We learned a few things to keep us on an even keel...

1) decide if you want kids. Both really want them? Go for it. If either or both of you are undecided or reluctant, think long and hard. Kids are wonderful but also highly stressful. We both realized that we'd rather have dogs. 2) get a professional cleaner. Too many couples fight way too much over household chores, esp when both have full time jobs. A bi-weekly maid service can be better than counseling :-) 3) marriage is not a competition. Think "we" first, then "I". It's not always easy. Sometimes you do have to give way and your partner should do the same for you (but avoid score-keeping). 4) I don't recommend seeking this out but .... have a life-threatening event that shows you how stupid it is to sweat the small stuff. My husband was assaulted, sustaining a fractured skull & TBI: 4 months in hospital & neuro rehab. We hit the reset button big time, learning to dial back on minor things that can get easily blown out of proportion (the neuro rehab center provided counseling to both of us; it was very valuable). 5) pre-marital advice: be very careful about getting into a deep relationship with someone who has addictions: drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, whatever. Sadly, that's a relationship minefield.

All this is deeply practical and good advice.  I often tell people,  that if they can afford it, I recommend a cleaner.  That stops all sorts of arguments before they happen.  But the line about kids is the most important.  Most things are not irrevocable - you can move to different cities,  buy and sell houses,  change citizenship,  get married,  get divorced.  But you can't change the parent of your child. That's a life long commitment. Think very carefully before you have a child with someone, because that is an irrevocable decision.