Good advice from the internet

So many people come to me to talk about new love,  but just as many come to me to talk about established relationships that are going through a lull or bad patch. They want the cards to reassure them or to give them clarity.  And often the cards do, they have a deep perception about situations.

But people also come for some common sense.  And I have that too.  But I also collect what others say,  to add to my list of useful information.  

This came from a comments section in the New York Times from CarnW,  based in Switzerland:-

35+ years married. We learned a few things to keep us on an even keel...

1) decide if you want kids. Both really want them? Go for it. If either or both of you are undecided or reluctant, think long and hard. Kids are wonderful but also highly stressful. We both realized that we'd rather have dogs. 2) get a professional cleaner. Too many couples fight way too much over household chores, esp when both have full time jobs. A bi-weekly maid service can be better than counseling :-) 3) marriage is not a competition. Think "we" first, then "I". It's not always easy. Sometimes you do have to give way and your partner should do the same for you (but avoid score-keeping). 4) I don't recommend seeking this out but .... have a life-threatening event that shows you how stupid it is to sweat the small stuff. My husband was assaulted, sustaining a fractured skull & TBI: 4 months in hospital & neuro rehab. We hit the reset button big time, learning to dial back on minor things that can get easily blown out of proportion (the neuro rehab center provided counseling to both of us; it was very valuable). 5) pre-marital advice: be very careful about getting into a deep relationship with someone who has addictions: drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, whatever. Sadly, that's a relationship minefield.

All this is deeply practical and good advice.  I often tell people,  that if they can afford it, I recommend a cleaner.  That stops all sorts of arguments before they happen.  But the line about kids is the most important.  Most things are not irrevocable - you can move to different cities,  buy and sell houses,  change citizenship,  get married,  get divorced.  But you can't change the parent of your child. That's a life long commitment. Think very carefully before you have a child with someone, because that is an irrevocable decision.