Let yourself grow before falling in love

So often we look to love to rescue us,  but I do a lot of readings for younger women - just out of college,  just starting their twenties and I tell them that they are still growing and learning about themselves.  

I really wish younger women wouldn't throw so much of themselves into relationships,  and focus more on having a clear relationship with themselves.  And I have to say,  college graduates today are really more self aware than they were 20 years ago. 

People still want relationships,  but not at the cost of their friendships, their career paths,  their own life choices.  And that is as it should be.  You need to know yourself before you become part of pair.  Before you are 25,  no man should be more important to you than the relationship you are building within yourself.  

Do the work on you,  be clear on what you can or can't give,  what you will or won't accept,  and then the Lovers card can appear. 

Old and New Love

A while ago one of my regulars came to see me. This was her third reading with me and each time someone comes,  I can connect the dots better.

Last time she came,  interested in someone relatively new in her life,  but the cards didn't like him. She drew the Page of Swords/  Page of Cups/ 7 wands reversed around him.  

This time she came and said because of the cards,  she wasn't angry with him,  or with herself when they broke up.  She could see that they wanted different things.  Neither of them was a bad person,  but he wasn't grounded or ambitious enough for her,  she doesn't want page energy (let alone 2!),  she's 32 and ready for a King.

This time when she asked about love in the future she drew  Strength / 9 cups R / Lovers   Much better, more adult cards.  But also a warning - sometimes the 9 of cups (I call it the fat and happy card) is about contentment,  being happy with what we've got.  But when it's reversed,  it can mean don't settle, it's okay to have standards and boundaries.  Her cards were searching for a proper,  equal Lover this time,  no more pages,  she's worked on her strength and ready for the real thing now. 

Work Energy, Love Energy

Sometimes people come to me for a reading,  and their work cards are all great - bright and glowing,  with energy and movement.  But their love cards are stagnant, with no flow there at all. So I say,  work is easy right now, put your energy there and you will get quick rewards.  Maybe you should ease off looking for love and focus on your work.  

One of my clients said to me,  you've been saying that for three years.  Really?  I checked my notes and she was right,  her work cards are always Aces,  connecting, networking,  getting promoted,  all of that comes effortlessly to her. But love doesn't.  So I said to her,  what are you doing at work,  that you aren't doing in relationships?  And without hesitating she said,  "I know my value at work."  But with people,  with men,  she was not as confident. 

So we spent the session talking about transferring some of that confident self knowledge from work,  and putting it more into play with dating.  She can instantly recognize if a project has potential, needs nursing,  needs to be scrapped. Can she do that analysis on every 3rd date?  Maybe she is rejecting too soon,  or nursing the connection along too much,  or not scrapping it when it is clearly going nowhere. But if she gives herself this task,  go on three plus dates with anyone,  then do an analysis, and see if that gets her more of what she wants. She thought that was an interesting idea.  We'll have to wait and see if the cards get warmer once she starts doing this.

One of three things, Part 1

When people come to see me,  they usually want to talk about one of three things - Love,  Work or Am I on the Right Path.   They can talk about all three of course,  but one of these is usually the initiating factor.

Before heading to the holiday season,  I though I would talk about love for a minute.  (I'll talk about work and path in January,  whose new year of 2020 is a benediction for clearer insight)

Sometimes people come to me,  saying they want to meet their soul mate.  I usually respond be careful what you wish for.  A soul mate usually arrives to teach you a soul life lesson - something which will fundamentally shift your perspective and force you towards growth.  It's never simple.  

People want the lovers card,  all fireworks and glory.

But anyone who has been in a long term relationship can tell you that love,  life long love,  is a marathon, not a sprint.  There is no couple that has been together for a significant amount of time,  that hasn't had downs as well as ups in their time together.  

That's why I prefer the two of cups for relationships,  where you face each other and give equal amounts of energy,  drinking from each others cups,  and filling each other up.

The Lovers Card

I've been a tarot reader for many years, but I've had other jobs at the same time... I've worked at dating agency and have been a relationship counsellor. I gave a talk about Love and Tarot, and the point that got most people nodding was my one about the Lovers card. 

People come to me all the time and say they want the Lover's card in their reading. But I've been in New York a long time now and I say to them, are you ready for the Lover's card?  It has 2 people, naked, facing each other and an ornate angel hovering over them. Who wouldn't want the Lovers card?  But love is about choice and then commitment. Once you make one choice, there are no other options open to you.  If someone more interesting walks in the room, with a better job, better energy,  better options,  you've chosen the Lovers Card and you can't chose them.  And people that night, as on other nights, kind of flinch, and turn away. 

New York is a city obsessed with choice and options, hesitant to settle on any one idea lest a better one come around.  And that hurts them when it comes to Love, because love is a closing of other options, to deepen and enhance the one you have.  One of my favorite Lovers Cards shows a bride and groom, their backs to us and the audience, forsaking all others.  And when you are ready to do that, ready to commit and make a final choice, that's when the lover's card will appear in your tarot spread.