Let yourself grow before falling in love

So often we look to love to rescue us,  but I do a lot of readings for younger women - just out of college,  just starting their twenties and I tell them that they are still growing and learning about themselves.  

I really wish younger women wouldn't throw so much of themselves into relationships,  and focus more on having a clear relationship with themselves.  And I have to say,  college graduates today are really more self aware than they were 20 years ago. 

People still want relationships,  but not at the cost of their friendships, their career paths,  their own life choices.  And that is as it should be.  You need to know yourself before you become part of pair.  Before you are 25,  no man should be more important to you than the relationship you are building within yourself.  

Do the work on you,  be clear on what you can or can't give,  what you will or won't accept,  and then the Lovers card can appear. 

If you could talk to your 22 year old self, what would you say?

I often have 22 year olds come to me,  just graduated,  starting life,  guard rails off,  it's a good time to visit a tarot card reader. 

And so this question resonates for me.  I tell them I wish someone had told me that my 20's will be hard.  I thought,  I've emerged,  the planet was waiting for me,  but it took a good few years and a some really odd jobs till I found my groove.  The 22 year olds are so happy when I say that.  People forget how hard the first few years out of college are. 

Also,  don't sleep with people you don't like.  You won't like them more afterwards.  I tell people that flirtation is like champagne, light and bubbly,  but sex is much earthier.  And if you mix champagne and earth,  often you get mud.  Let yourself flirt and the flirtation be enough.  You absolutely don't have to have sex with someone just because you flirted all night. But if you want to have sex,  go ahead - sleep with who you want,  explore whatever kinks you like,  always use a condom.  And if they say they don't have one,  smile and supply your own.  Pregnancy is the nicest thing you can catch from unprotected sex and abortions are complicated.  

What else would I tell myself?  Nothing I write will be as good as this Dear Sugar piece (from 2011! The internet remembers everything!)  I loved the naive pomposity line.  I was definitely naively pompous when I was 22.

And of course,  I always end with Be Kind to Yourself.  Stop judging yourself and others so harshly.  (wait, was that just a me thing?)  The older I get,  the less I judge.  I too could have/should have/ might have done that.  Give Grace,  it's such a gift - to you and to others.  That's what we all need now - more moments of Grace.