Much to be thankful for...

So around this time I often meet super stressed women who are trying to be their own personal Martha Stewart and put on the most amazing meal possible.  The magazines don't help with their helpful suggestions of the perfect pie crust.  It's very easy to get lost in the preparation and be sweaty and exhausted on the day! 

I love traditional meals and can fully understand why you need to have five sides,  each one with it's own special twists.  I love a beautifully set table and a part of me even wants seasonal crockery.  But I don't go there,  because the most important thing about this festival is that we sit around a table and say what we are grateful for this year.  What we hope for next year. And if it takes store bought pie and plain brussel sprouts in order for me to sit at the table and be present,  then that's what I will do. 

So this Thanksgiving I wish you all to be present with the people who you love,  who love you.  And may you laugh at the table and share what makes you thankful. 

Amongst other things,  I'm thankful that my friend has volunteered to do the turkey,  and I only have to bring sides this year!  

Future you

I often say that we should live a life where future you will be grateful to present you.  This can be for huge things - future you is so gratified that you slogged through working fulltime and studying and that degree has really changed your life for the better. 

But it can also be for smaller things - future you is delighted that past you cleaned the kitchen! 

Today,  present me is so happy with past me,  who tidied her bedroom and changed her sheets.  I love having a clean bedroom so much.  So I'm grateful to myself for the efforts of this morning and looking forward to sleeping well tonight. 

Live in a way so that future you is happy with your contributions to your life.  

Money Secrets

People will happily talk to friends about dating disasters,  sexual disasters,  embarrassing moments and that weird thing that happened when they were in the changing room at Nordstrom.  But what they rarely talk about is money. 

I never knew that there was a special tax exemption on financial gifts to adult children,  so you can give them $18,000 a year,  every year,  without incurring tax implications.   But I certainly learnt about it in New York.  I did know that a lot of my TriBeCa friends and clients were definitely getting help from family,  especially when it came to their or their children's school fees. 

So if you are struggling with money and wondering how your friends are making it better than you,  don't beat yourself up,  just know that they are getting family help.

And I'm not judging or being mean about family money.  A safety net is a glorious thing.  You can make better decisions,  have better choices, and have some breathing space with a good safety net.  It's just sometimes, if you don't have that safety net,  you can wonder what it is you are doing wrong.  I'm here to tell you that you are doing nothing wrong.  Everyone has their path,  some people have it easier in one respect,  others have it easier in another.  But no one has a completely easy path.  So don't let yourself get overwhelmed by what other people do or do not have (so easy to do in a city like New York.)  And try to see where you have it easy,  so you can have some gratitude around it (a healthy body,  a curious mind,  some grounded friends,  a loving companion - animal or human.)  Everything is easier with genuine gratitude. 

April Fools

I actually hate pranks,  there's always an underlying cruelty to them.  I hate surprise parties - all day long you're sad that no one has remembered your birthday,  and then surprise,  everyone is there,  so you have to take all those disappointed feelings and throw them away and be cheerful and grateful.  I also hate performative gratitude.  I don't want to be forced to be grateful or thankful or humble.

Which goes to say,  no April Fools here today,  and no surprise parties either. But I do like giving and getting gifts for no reason, other than I saw it and thought of you...  Now those I like a lot! 

Sometimes it feels hard to be Grateful

I love Thanksgiving.  A festival that involves food,  is non-denominational, gets friends and family together around the theme of Gratitude?  It's like it was made for me!

But sometimes we have so much going on,  or things are so not going our way,  that it can be hard to celebrate. It can feel like one more task,  one more demand.  And our family may not appreciate our efforts,  or rush off early to another commitment,  or watch TV and not talk. 

And I think we need to hold space for both - for the chance to honor Gratitude and the emotional cost of putting on events that may not be appreciated. 

One client came to me and told me that she hated Thanksgiving because her mother used to do it all,  and now that her mother can't,  it has become her job and it's just too much.  Even with other family reluctantly bringing a dish,  even with her kids dragooned into helping, it's too much work.  

So make it less work,  I said.  Don't do 12 different dishes.  Do only what works for you,  have a potluck,  go to a restaurant,  change it all together.  But do do something that allows for a sense of gratitude.  It's the feeling,  not the food that is important.  If no one can make it on the day,  then have it the weekend before,  or the Saturday after.  

This year we are having a Friendsgiving on Sunday.   Everyone is bringing something.  I had over committed myself,  and then realized I couldn't do that much.  My friend graciously rang me and said,  I know you're going through a lot,  my son's friend will make the pies.  I felt such relief!  I'm doing brussel sprouts and asparagus,  I'm meeting with good friends and their extended families.  It's been a tough year,  but I am letting myself be grateful... 

Your Future Self

Sometimes I don't want to do something minor,  and I make myself do it by telling myself that my future self will be grateful for this.  My future self,  busy in the morning,  will be glad that the dishwasher is empty and she can just load new coffee cups into it, so I'll empty it before I go to bed.  My future self,  coming home from work,  will be grateful that the coffee cups were put away and not making the apartment smell of stale coffee all day.  Those sorts of discussions.

My future self is also sometimes happy about big things.  When you spend all those years studying for a degree,  when you take that second job so you can save a deposit.  When you sacrifice now to get rewards later,  then that's a big thank you to past self,  for being so organized for future self. 

In tarot,  we look at how the past affects the present,  and colors the future.  We can't do much about changing the past,  but we can do a lot about how much we let it color the future.  And we can do things that help out our future selves,  whether it be tidying up or eating better or the big things - letting compound interest work it's magic on our savings,  or walking away from toxic/destructive situations. 

So think about your future self,  and how to best support them,  when acting in the present.  And your future self will be grateful. 

Much to be thankful for...

Thanksgiving is my favorite festival.  I hate the way Christmas has been co-opted by gift giving and Valentine's can feel so competitive or isolating.  But here all we have to do is think about what we are thankful for and eat together.  

I love that the meal is the same or similar every year.   I like traditional foods.  The very first time I cooked a turkey was our first thanksgiving in the US and I was in my 30's.  I went to the New York Times, found a recipe,  followed it to the letter and hey presto,  we had Thanksgiving.  Over the years I have modified recipes and my son has become the turkey master (as well as baking a really fabulous apple pie) 

And then to the gratitude part.  I love the idea of dedicating time to being thankful.  There is much to be thankful for,  even during the hard years.  It can be easy to focus on what is wrong,  harder sometimes to shine a light on what is good.  So I'm grateful to have time where the focus shifts and we think about what we are thankful for.

Here is one charming Thanksgiving story,  about chance meetings via text and continued friendship.  Which to my mind is what Thanksgiving can be all about... 

I'm wishing you light and goodness and a year that gives you much to be thankful for. 

Thanksgiving

Anthonius Claessins, c. 1538-1613

To give thanks,  we must have gratitude; but gratitude is such a subtle thing – it requires an awareness of what we have, what others don’t, how fortunate our lives are.  My son is studying European history and I said to him that his life today, with its running water, antibiotics and soft clean sheets and clothes, is of a better quality than most nobles were.   

Four Seasons,  by Philip Haas,  New York Botanical Garden

To be alive today, in the West, in America, in New York City, means you can easily access some of the greatest art, thought, humor, food in the world.   But to make any of this meaningful we need to add people.  Thanksgiving is a time to reconnect with friends and family.  For without love, life is hard, even if the bathroom taps are gold…

So I am thankful for living a life better than any Kings five hundred years ago, for the internet which offers endless entertainment, and for my clients, friends and family, who give it all meaning.  

New Year, New Energy

Elizabeth Golden,  from Last Door, Down the Hall blog

I’m not big on numbers, I didn’t buy into the Mayan end of the world thing at all, but I do like new year’s.  It feels like a fresh page in a new book; we can start again. 

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions either, though I do like the idea of giving up an old bad habit. It takes 90 consecutive days to lay down the neural pathway in your brain for a new habit to form,  I always visualize a path in the jungle.  If you skip a day, the vines start growing back, you start at zero.  Ninety is a big number,  but I’ve managed to go to skim milk and if I drink full cream it’s too rich and fatty for me now,  so I know it’s possible.  Now I know if I go to the gym for 90 days in a row,  I will sincerely miss it if I don’t go on the 91^st day,  it’s just getting those first 90 days down!

The idea I heard that I liked is whenever something good happens to you this year – large or small, write it on a small piece of paper and put it in your good luck jar. At the end of the year, next New Year ’s Eve, you can read all those small notes and see the luck/gratitude that you had all year… that’s a nice one that works for me.

So I wish you lots of small happy notes, and a few huge ones, and a good year ahead for us all.

Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving, it's my favorite festival - it's about food, friendship and family and being grateful for all that we have. How wonderful that we all take the same 2 days to think about these things!  I have to say I am distressed about the creeping impact that the Friday sales are now having. I wish they didn't start on Thursday night.

But I wish even more, that even if they did start earlier, we would know enough not to go to them. That we truly understood that what is already in the room is more valuable than any stuff you could put in it; that's it people not products that matter.

Lauren Alexander

Of course, if we don't like the people we are with, it's easy to give into our Hunter Gatherer cravings,  and go shopping!  I would strongly encourage people to do the harder work of a) either finding things to like more about the people already in our lives or b) finding new people who we do genuinely like and put them in our lives.

I wish everyone a delicious Thanksgiving and lots of laughter and happy traditions.  To understand that happiness is not getting everything you want, but being truly content with what you have – that is a lifelong blessing I wish for all of us.

Much to be thankful for

Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday. I like it for lots of reasons, but mainly because a) the food is delicious, b) there is no crazy gift buying agenda and c) it asks us to be Thankful. I’m always grateful to be reminded of things to be thankful for.


I don’t want to sound so pure, like I don’t get snarky and mean… but I do think we rush through our lives and the details sometimes blur, and taking a day (or three!) to prepare a festive feast, or to sit with others who have prepared food with love and care, and then to have time to walk in the woods and see the earth get ready to wind down for winter, leaves making a soft cushion, ready for snow, helps us become part of the life cycle again.


I know we are always separating ourselves from nature, being warmer or cooler than the weather outside, being dryer or cleaner than any animal could be. But I think it’s always worthwhile to remember life goes in cycles. That thanksgiving and autumn fall in the same time, that family and food are precious to me and that it really is only about time together, that there is no gift giving frenzy, just makes this my favorite holiday.

10 of Pentacles, Inner Child

The inner child cards do not strictly follow the Rider Waite pack interpretations, and in the pentacles in particular they differ widely, so I will occasionally give them their own link.


This version is all about warmth and the idealized family time that Christmas can present. It’s about family traditions and togetherness, feeling true gratitude and being open to the gifts that life has for you.

Gratitude

This month,  as the warmth has settled in, I've been blessed.  The phone has rung often, people have made bookings and everyone has shown up on time!  I've been given as a 'gift' for birthdays and people are asking me if I can read for the their mothers for mother's day.    And I get to meet so many exceptional people.  I really love it and I'm grateful for it. Thank you.