Showing posts with label secrets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label secrets. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 30, 2025

Money Secrets

People will happily talk to friends about dating disasters,  sexual disasters,  embarrassing moments and that weird thing that happened when they were in the changing room at Nordstrom.  But what they rarely talk about is money. 


I never knew that there was a special tax exemption on financial gifts to adult children,  so you can give them $18,000 a year,  every year,  without incurring tax implications.   But I certainly learnt about it in New York.  I did know that a lot of my TriBeCa friends and clients were definitely getting help from family,  especially when it came to their or their children's school fees. 


So if you are struggling with money and wondering how your friends are making it better than you,  don't beat yourself up,  just know that they are getting family help.


And I'm not judging or being mean about family money.  A safety net is a glorious thing.  You can make better decisions,  have better choices, and have some breathing space with a good safety net.  It's just sometimes, if you don't have that safety net,  you can wonder what it is you are doing wrong.  I'm here to tell you that you are doing nothing wrong.  Everyone has their path,  some people have it easier in one respect,  others have it easier in another.  But no one has a completely easy path.  So don't let yourself get overwhelmed by what other people do or do not have (so easy to do in a city like New York.)  And try to see where you have it easy,  so you can have some gratitude around it (a healthy body,  a curious mind,  some grounded friends,  a loving companion - animal or human.)  Everything is easier with genuine gratitude. 



Thursday, August 20, 2015

Privacy and Secrecy

 
I’ve been reading about the Ashley Maddison hacker scandal – where a website that is designed for married people to meet in order to have affairs - has been hacked and the names and details of its users made public.   Some of my clients have used that website.  Sometimes people come to tell me of affairs they have been having or affairs they wished they had had, or (most common) affairs they suspect their partners of having.  The cards are usually very accurate at finding that truth.


I think there is a big difference between privacy and secrecy.  There are things about my life that I don’t want splashed across the internet,  because they are private,  and I hold them close to me,  but they are not secret – other people in my life know about them and it would not devastate anyone to find them out. 

 
If I meet a couple who has chosen to have an open relationship – they both know that Thursday night they go out separately and have sex with others – then I have no problem with it.  That is their private business. But I often meet couples where one person is going out and having sex with others and flat out lying about it to their partner – and that causes a lot of problems. That is not privacy; that is secrecy – a piece of information that can be devastating if it were to come out.   It has been my experience that secrecy is almost always harmful to relationships.  So by all means keep your privacy,  but beware of keeping secrets…