Will I have a baby soon?

People have different strengths and weaknesses.  I'm not good at looking at future health issues,   they just don't sing out to me.   Except for fertility.  Because of my own,  long ago but long lasting,  fertility issues,  I'm super sensitive to it. I have received lots of feedback about being accurate.  (I tried for 7 years in the 1990's to have a baby,  and nothing happened.  Only when I gave up on treatment and on the possibility of motherhood, on the 8th year,  did I conceive,  naturally.)

So if you are trying to conceive,  or wondering about it,  drop me a line,  and we'll see if we can conjure up the beautiful Inner Child World card,  or the positive Empress card (who is often shown pregnant!)

Legion

I watched Legion with my son and I really think it's a disturbing work of genius.  Visually stunning and chaotic,  and Dan Stephens,  who frankly I didn't rate much in Downton Abbey,  was absolutely superb here. 

There is one snippet which I think explains some of the craziness I see going on today.  

They explain the contagion of bad ticks and ideas,  and the Nocebo effect (the opposite of placebo)  And it just explains how people can somehow catch hysteria from each other,  in ways that are not easy to fix.  

It's not just that they are watching too much strange news.  It's how they believe the news and how they then filter all information through this new weird lens.  People get so committed to their ideas that they will not notice if/when they are proven wrong. They won't adjust. They will just reshape the information they receive,  so that only information that verifies their beliefs make it through.  Those are dangerous notions.  If you can't verify your ideas or ignore facts that don't fit the theory you are doing bad science and boxing yourself into a belief system that will ultimately let you down,  badly. 

Gloria Steinem 1934 -2026

I just read that Gloria Steinem died today. She's been famous all my life,  striding forward and bringing us all along with her.  I've always admired her courage and her fortitude.  

Here are some of my favorite quotes of hers:- 

The truth will set you free,  but first it will piss you off.  Isn't that a truth! 

We are the women our parents warned us against, and we are proud.

We’ll never solve the feminization of power until we solve the masculinity of wealth. That's such a profound thought.  Until women own 50% of the world's wealth,  it will be very hard for us to get to 50% of the world's power. 

The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. That's such an important one.  We have so much to unlearn,  and in order to do that,  there has to be a great willingness to look at what we have been taught and examine it critically. 

I'm glad we had her and she will be sorely missed.  

Vale Gloria,  it was glorious to have you! 

Teenagers!

Had a few readings recently about teenage angst dominating the household.

I often refer to How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.  Looking it up now,  I realize it's over 20 years old!  But I've been leafing through it all that time and it has always felt helpful to me.  They have one for teens as well.

A client said she was reading Feeding the Mouth that Bites You,  and I just love that title!  With older teens especially,  it can definitely feel like those snapping jaws may hurt you! They also have a podcast 

I almost forgot one of my favorite books,  which is written for toddlers but actually can help spark some self awareness in teens, and they can talk to each other about it - TA for Tots.  It went out of print for a while and I was clinging to my old tired copy but then it came back and I bought a new one.  I think they also have a TA for kids.  It's easy to read and can give kids things to think about. 

Here's another book I read back in the day,  which I'm happy to recommend.  Just loved the title,  it so encapsulates the see-sawing energy between mother and teen! 

Teens acting out is a long known tradition,  but when it happens in your home,  it can feel both terrifying (real,  horrible life consequences) and isolating.  Try to avoid the perfect life social media and find some real messy life pages,  and you'll see that many people are trying to cope with this.  And read widely.  I always say,  even if you get just one sentence from a book,  that's a good ROI (return on investment)

Dolly

Some people really do shine in this world. 

Imagine you had had real,  unbelievable success in your chosen field.  You have made millions from it,  and had influenced everyone else in your field.  You had won every possible award.  Your voice had been heard by millions.

And when you die,  people barely mention that.  Instead everyone,  regardless of politics or age,  mourns your kindness,  your vivacity,  your heart.  They talk about your charity work,  your clever one liners,  your amazing energy.  

She really lived the truth that people don't always remember what you said,  but they will definitely remember how you made them feel.   She made us feel important,  she made us feel seen. 

Her memory is a blessing and we were blessed to know her. 

Rest in Power.

Kindness

Years ago,  when I was first thinking of getting a tattoo,  I decided that I would get the Jewel quote,  In the end,  only kindness matters.  Because,  actually,  when you get into the depths of it all,  that's what I believe.  It's a choice we make,  as a person,  as a culture.  And we don't hold it to high enough value.  In the end, only kindness matters.  

So much is luck,  and you never know which end of the stick you will be - and as long as the world is kind,  then it really doesn't matter,  you'll survive anyways.  But of course,  the world is not kind.  So we have to remind each other about kindness and it's essential importance.

Then I was clicking around youtube and some woman was reading poetry,  not well.  And I thought,  surely there are better readers out there!  So I randomly typed in Emma Thompson reading poetry,  because I just love her voice.  And I came across this:

And here is more to fundamentally agree with.  Didn't know the poet Naomi Shihab Nye,  but isn't this beautiful.  Let's sit with it for a while,  and breathe better... 

Skinship

I came across the term skinship recently,  and I really love it.  It's a portmanteau word connecting skin and kinship,  ie non sexual touching. Touching for connection or comfort.  Like holding hands or hugging or just sitting very close and feeling the other person beside you - like you would with kin.  

As a culture,  we've become obsessed with sexual touch and are losing other forms of touch.  I often think about men who come on so strong sexually,  wondering if they have just touched someone recently, in a non sexual way,  or if they only way they get connection is through sex,  and how limiting that can be.

Women often easily hug each other,  touch each other for comfort,  hold babies,  hold animals.  We're allowed to and encouraged to,  it's seen as feminine. 

Men are allowed to slap each other on the back, or yell and jump at each other when their team wins,  but aren't encouraged to have quieter skin connections.  

I think if you aren't allowed to touch anyone, you develop a skin hunger. I used to encourage people to go and have massages if they don't get touch from people often,  to just affirm their humanity and feel the comfort of a non sexual touch.   Pets are an amazing resource for this. 

FIRE vs FINE

How we spend our money says so much about us.  Are we generous to ourselves,  stingy to others?  Stingy to ourselves and others?  Buying others attention?  Spending more than we have? There are so many ways to live both within and outside of our means.

I've come across the FIRE system - Financial Independence,  Retire Early - quite a few times in my life.  Some of my clients have been fiercely dedicated to it.  Some have strained their marriages over it.  It's basically living way below your means and squirreling every spare penny away,  till you reach a magic number (different for every person) and then you can stop work and live very frugally on that.  

Conceptually it never worked for me.  I don't want to be that frugal and I didn't want to stop working at 40.  

But now a new acronym has emerged - FINE,  Financial Independence,  New Endeavor.  Which doesn't make you retire once you hit your personal magic number,  but allows/encourages you to shift to a new idea/endeavor.  This seems more appealing,  though you still have to be very frugal to get to your magic number, but once there, you embrace new ideas or doing part time work,  or lower paid but more emotionally satisfying work. 

I do think that for many of us,  living that much below our income implies that there is some fat in our income and that is far from always the case.   And getting your nails done once a month shouldn't be seen as a shameful luxury. 

So as with everything,  I advocate moderation.  Spend moderately,  but also save moderately.  Try to live within your means,  don't get the maximum mortgage,  see if you can find something cheaper a little further out,  give yourself some breathing room.  And take a holiday.  Holidays are joy. And if camping gives you joy,  go camping.  But if going to Paris gives you joy,  don't force yourself to camp and resent your choices. 

Another great tarot deck!

I've seen these cards around and even used a few of them in my blog posts,  but never saw a cohesive view of the deck before. 

It's called The unveiled tarot by Jesse Lonergam.  They are eye catching and so clever and I'm happy to share them here.  

I've said this before but I just love that there are so many new and interesting tarot decks around.  Each deck can give you a thoughtful new insight into familar cards.   I often give my client 'homework' to scour the net and find a version of an important card from the reading,  to keep close to them.  Because there are so many versions out there,  and some will definitely speak more clearly to you than others. 

Is he the one?

Did a reading a while ago for a girl from Brisbane.  She had a significant love affair but it didn't work.  It wasn't her fault, it wasn't his fault, but he had just opened a new business and all his energy was there and the timing was wrong.  I said to her that he was one of 200 men she could possibly meet and marry and maybe it did work in another time line,  but in this time line it didn't and she can't go back,  she needs to move on. She liked the alternate time line option, sometimes you really can see a future with someone but it just doesn't pan out... 

Now she is seeing a man 14 years her senior.  It won't go anywhere,  he's the Emperor, not flexible enough for her,  but the sex is great,  she drew the Queen of Wands.  She laughed and agreed. She's leaving Sydney at the end of the year and she's going to keep on seeing him,  because there's no point trying for something deeper when she knows she's moving.

Sometimes they are not the one,  and both parties know it,  but they are certainly good enough to be the one for right now,  and as long as everyone knows that's the plan (he knows she plans to move to Melbourne for work in 2027) then a very good time can be had in the meantime. 

Grief poems

I've been so sad lately,  and it's hard to know what to do with all that feeling.  I am being good - seeing friends,  going to the gym,  talking to a therapist,  talking to family,  talking to strangers.

And I have good moments,  or even good days.  But then the sadness rushes in again,  like it's apologizing for leaving me for a minute,  and settles in,  and then pulls out again,  like the tide. 

I came across the simple,  beautiful poetry of Sara Rian.  And she makes me weep,  but she's so alive in her depictions of grief.  I cry reading her works,  but I agree with everything she says,  and that helps.

The journey and the destination

I remember talking about this when I was an addiction counsellor.  If you are driving somewhere and miss your turnoff (or turn off too early) you don't go all the way home and start over again.  You get to the next ramp and start from there.  If you fall off your goal,  you're not a zero,  you are at 100 days minus one - you are at 99 days and then start counting.  

It felt much kinder and also truer,  to do that rather than rachet you back to zero.  

And life is so much about the journey,  rather than just reaching an arbitrary destination. So if it took you 370 days to get to a year's sobriety,  then take those extra days,  those wrong turns,  and try not to do that again. But don't put yourself back at day 0.  You are so much further ahead than that! 

Wishing us all well,  on all of our journeys... 

Today's Poem

Today's poem is by Khalil Gibran and a fragment from his longer piece,  On Houses,  in his book,  The Prophet.  

what have you in these houses? 

And what is it you guard with fastened doors?

Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power?

Have you rememberances, the glimmering arches that span the summits of the mind?

Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned of wood and stone to the holy mountain?

Tell me, have you these in your houses?

Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, and then a master?

Actions speak louder

I have lots of regular clients.  I've been seeing one woman every year or so,  she comes in July around her birthday.  This reading was her 10th.  So I've seen her through quite a few dates and some longer term boyfriends and now she is living with a man she met two years ago. 

She said I was the first person who told her that "if he wanted to,  he would."  She and her friends would analyze each and every comment a guy made,  and then she met me and in our very first reading,  that's what I said to her, and that's why she's been coming back. 

Cards read energy,  but energy without action is just air.  I really do judge on actions - words are easy,  but actions require thought and commitment.  And desire.  If he wanted to, he would. 

Her current beau shows up, makes plans,  follows through.  He wants to, and he does.  The cards show he's a keeper,  and she's very happy, and I'm happy to be with her during this reading! 

What's the best option

When people come to me with an important choice,  I like to know nothing more than the label - Plan A or Plan B.  That way,  my own biases don't come into play. 

So a woman in her late twenties comes to me with two work opportunities and and I say,  let's shuffle and think about Plan A.

She draws  4 wands / King of Swords / 8 of pentacles. 

And then we look at Plan B

7 pentacles reversed / hanged man / 7 of swords. 

Knowing nothing about either options, it's clear that Plan A is the better option - it's more stable,  it has a smart organized male energy and it gives career vibes.

Plan B was more hanging in the wind and betrayal. 

Turns out Plan A was moving to Canada and take a position there and Plan B involved staying the more familiar New Jersey.  She was scared of the big change of moving countries,  but she too could clearly see it was the better option.  Sometimes fears hold us back,  but with a little reassurance,  we can burst forward.