Teenagers!

Had a few readings recently about teenage angst dominating the household.

I often refer to How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.  Looking it up now,  I realize it's over 20 years old!  But I've been leafing through it all that time and it has always felt helpful to me.  They have one for teens as well.

A client said she was reading Feeding the Mouth that Bites You,  and I just love that title!  With older teens especially,  it can definitely feel like those snapping jaws may hurt you! They also have a podcast 

I almost forgot one of my favorite books,  which is written for toddlers but actually can help spark some self awareness in teens, and they can talk to each other about it - TA for Tots.  It went out of print for a while and I was clinging to my old tired copy but then it came back and I bought a new one.  I think they also have a TA for kids.  It's easy to read and can give kids things to think about. 

Here's another book I read back in the day,  which I'm happy to recommend.  Just loved the title,  it so encapsulates the see-sawing energy between mother and teen! 

Teens acting out is a long known tradition,  but when it happens in your home,  it can feel both terrifying (real,  horrible life consequences) and isolating.  Try to avoid the perfect life social media and find some real messy life pages,  and you'll see that many people are trying to cope with this.  And read widely.  I always say,  even if you get just one sentence from a book,  that's a good ROI (return on investment)

Two of Swords

Here sits a woman, eyes bound, holding 2 swords across her body. I often ask people who draw this card to cross their arms like she is doing, and see how tight they feel, how difficult it is to breathe. This is a woman whose defenses have become part of her problem, and are tragically making her more vulnerable than she would be if she just put the swords down.

The two of swords symbolizes a person or situation where truth or reality is denied, where people are kept at arm’s length. Instead we hide our distress and become defensive. The woman in this image is avoiding the truth, refusing to look at facts and pretending everything's fine. She feels afraid to act and she’s stuck.

But I always assure the person drawing the card that the situation is not irrevocable. If the woman is willing to lower her defenses a little, put the swords down, take the blindfold off, she may well find that there is no imminent attack, instead she’s so used to protecting herself that she was pushed all her support away, but now that the swords are down she can welcome them back.

The Inner child cards have more movement, at least there are 2 people engaging here, but they are both protecting tiny piles of rock from which no life can grow. So sometimes the battle is not worth winning, and we have to look at the situation closely to see what it is we are protecting and if it worth our time and energy.