What a wonderful idea!

So there's this ap,  where you can write yourself an email and select a future date,  and it will send you that email on that date.  So you are in today,  writing to future you.  It's called FutureMe. 

Also, you can nominate the letter be published on their site,  public but anonymous. So that's a fun rabbit hole to fall into.

 I just love this idea!  

You can look at what was so important for you 5 years ago,  and see where it sits with you today.  And I hope you can see how far you've come. 

What about the readings that don't work?

Someone said to me that all my reports on my readings are positive,  and why don't I comment on the negative ones?  And I said,  well the negative ones don't usually give me any feedback,  I don't see them again,  so I don't know where or how I went wrong.   I have read for many people only once.  I don't know if it didn't work for them or worked so well that the issue was resolved!  Of course some people expect real magic,  when all they are getting is discussions of the here and now and lots of people want to know 'when' something is going to happen to them without doing the work to get it. So those people are definitely going to be disappointed by any reading. 

I think one thing I have learnt is the more I manage my expectations,  the happier I am - in Tarot but also in life. 

I have had readings where my clients have been disappointed with the outcomes they drew.  That's not at all unusual.  But then the reading is all about how to change the outcome (hard work,  changing what you are doing,  moving out of your comfort zone.) If you don't want to do all the hard work, then it's not going to change.  And that is annoying and disappointing.  I get it.  I've lived it myself.  

Even with Tarot,  even with Magic, there is a limit to the shortcuts you can take.  If you are not getting what you want in life,  there are two questions - are your wants reasonable?  Are you doing all you can to make them happen?  I remember when I was struggling with infertility - all I wanted was a baby.  A completely reasonable want.  Most humans can have a baby if they want.  And I  had done all I could,  been to specialists,  had procedures.  And still the baby didn't come.  After seven long years (such a biblical number!) I finally gave in.  No baby.  So if not a mother,  then what was I going to do?  And about 6 months later,  with no treatment,  I became pregnant.  One miracle child. When people asked me if I would try for more,  I said,  I would take all the miracles I could,  but I wasn't going to chase any of them.  So I've had just the one,  and he was enough for our family. 

Sometimes you have to let go before something can arrive (and isn't that a hideous life lesson to learn!)  sometimes you have to jump the fences and try everything.  Tarot helps you to see which approach will help you more at this point in time. 

Chat GPT

I have had so many discussions about Chat GPT or AI generally lately,  it's astonishing.  Very much in the zeitgeist.   And while I have used AI generated images (my post for Pan Narrans was only AI plays on paintings)  I've never used it for writing or editing my blog pieces.  

I find there's something bland or featureless about the AI summaries.  If I read the AI summary for all the product reviews,  it just feels like mush.  I still don't get a sense of why the product is good or not (Most people liked using X,  a few commented that it didn't work as well after a few months,  but most people didn't have that problem. - meaningless!) I love reading the quirky reviews which sound like a friend has written it - OMG,  I used this knife on a picnic and I will use no other ever again.. - comments like that,  vivid, personal often funny but even serious ones that give you a sense of why someone did something and how - that AI can't capture - yet. 

I would caution against too much AI in important documents - for example some people are writing cover letters for job interviews entirely by AI and I think they sound both bland and insincere.  Of course,  the first read through is by AI - so it has to have all the key words the computer wants,  but when the final 5 or so get to a human - then it has to have something that would catch a human's eye.  By no means a simple feat! 

Just a warning - just as you can sense that something has been written by AI,  so someone can sense something you have presented is also AI.  While it's still in its teething stage, make sure you cast a stern eye over anything you ask it to write! 

Saying of the week

I love this saying and use it often:

If you want to go fast,  go alone.  If you want to go far,  go together

It is so much easier and faster to do things by yourself.  But if you always doing things by yourself,  it can get exhausting and lonely.  We can do it for a bit,  but I certainly couldn't do it for long.

To get far,  you need some support,  you need people on the journey with you.  So find your tribe,  and get going!

(of course finding your tribe can be a whole 'nother story. I'll do a seperate blog about that,  in the meantime you can read this one about friendship.)

Crying and feeling healed

I'm meandering through the internet,  as I often do.  I have a big family event on soon and am taking a break from the relentless planning and doing.  It's all on my shoulders,  as things often are of late.  So I'm a little resentful,  even though the event will be wonderful.

So I'm reading a bit here and there and come across this column from Dear Sugar: The Obliterated Space,  written in 2012. 

And now I'm crying,  and I'm emptied from my petty resentments and I'm aware of things much bigger than me, much better than I'll ever be,  and I'm comforted and hurting and in pain and calmer. 

The article is about grief around death - for one a mother who only lived to 45 and the other a son who only lived to 22. So be prepared for that.  So you'll cry.  But it's also beautiful.  What do we do with pain and grief and rage and loss and how do we live with it.  It's like a soft acid bath that burns away the dross and leaves you with gold.  

This is what the internet is really for - for reaching out and connecting and seeing situations and people in new lights,  seeing yourself in a new light.  

Before taking on commitments ask these 3 questions

When someone asks you to do something for them,  ask yourself these three questions:

Can I do it?

Am I willing to do it?

Will I feel resentment if I do it?

I think these questions are so important.  There are things I can't do,  things I can do but am not willing to do,  things that just make me feel resentful. If I feel resentful or not willing,  is the outcome worth it?  

Recently I did a complicated government form application,  which relied on me having done several other simpler government form things earlier in the year.  I had to do it, there was no one else who could do it for me.  So I broke it into the smallest possible tasks and started with them.  As things grew more complex,  at least I had all the simple stuff done and accurate.  It took me over 6 months,  and then it was done.  I did feel exhausted and resentful during the process,  but then afterwards,  I felt overwhelmingly grateful that it was done,  done well,  done successfully.  

Sometimes people ask for help and I have to say,  I'm so sorry,  I just don't have the bandwidth for that now.  Sometimes people ask for help,  and I say,  sure,  let's do it now.  But I do ask myself these three questions.  And if I will feel resentment,  I ask myself what other options do I have?  Can I deal with this feeling? Is the end result worth it?  If it's not,  then don't do it!

All images from the wonderful This Might Hurt Tarot Deck by Isabella Rothman

Clear is kind, unclear is unkind

I'm always happy to read Brene Brown.   She says she originally heard it the line in a 12 step program,  but she's adopted it in her own inimitable way. 

When I first moved to NYC people warned me that they would be brusque and unhelpful,  but compared to Australians,  most American's,  even New Yorkers,  are more kind and evasive than clear and direct.  Especially corporate America.  All one thing to your face,  another once you've left the room.  

But I really value clarity.  I always say I'd like a hard truth than a soft lie.  At least there is something solid with the truth.  And you being clear,  that let's me know where I stand.  If you are unclear,  how am I to know what you mean?

I have so many women come to me for tarot readings asking about men they've dated.  Men who have been unclear to the point that the women have no idea what is going on.  It would be so much kinder,   had they been clear.  Unclear is definitely unkind for many people. 

So next time you avoid being clear,  remember this line - clear is kind,  it's better to have one uncomfortable conversation and see what's going on, than evade and never get to knowing. 

Mismatched sex drives

So readings come in waves for me.  Sometimes they are all about work.  This time,  they've been about marriages and mismatched sex drives.  I find it so interesting that people from all around the world can come to me with the same problems.

So I talk to them about appetites.  Imagine always being hungry,  you only get to eat once a week.  And even if the food is delicious,  you know you are not getting any more after that.

Or imagine always being overfed.  You are full,  you feel bloated,  and here is another meal - still delicious but now it feels nauseating.  You just don't want to eat! why can't they understand that.

When I put it into food,  people start seeing what I am saying.  There is nothing morally wrong or superior about being always hungry or always full.  It's just a different drive alignment.  The trick is how to handle it within the marriage.  

When I gave this analogy one client said,  yes,  he never lets me get hungry for it! If only I could have the time to get hungry,  we'd both enjoy it more.  And the other client said I always feel like I'm starving and I'm starting to feel resentful.  They could see the picture clearly. 

Now what to do?

Well,  that's a really complicated question and each couple has to come up with it's own answer.  I'm strongly against force feeding!  But some people correlate affection with sex,  and can't have one without the other,  which leaves everyone dissatisfied.  And I do want both parties within the marriage to be satisfied.  Sometimes just having non sexual terms to discuss the issue, makes it less heated and more objective.  Let's start with that and see what individual answers we can find,  without judgement or blame.