So readings come in waves for me. Sometimes they are all about work. This time, they've been about marriages and mismatched sex drives. I find it so interesting that people from all around the world can come to me with the same problems.
So I talk to them about appetites. Imagine always being hungry, you only get to eat once a week. And even if the food is delicious, you know you are not getting any more after that.
Or imagine always being overfed. You are full, you feel bloated, and here is another meal - still delicious but now it feels nauseating. You just don't want to eat! why can't they understand that.
When I put it into food, people start seeing what I am saying. There is nothing morally wrong or superior about being always hungry or always full. It's just a different drive alignment. The trick is how to handle it within the marriage.
When I gave this analogy one client said, yes, he never lets me get hungry for it! If only I could have the time to get hungry, we'd both enjoy it more. And the other client said I always feel like I'm starving and I'm starting to feel resentful. They could see the picture clearly.
Now what to do?
Well, that's a really complicated question and each couple has to come up with it's own answer. I'm strongly against force feeding! But some people correlate affection with sex, and can't have one without the other, which leaves everyone dissatisfied. And I do want both parties within the marriage to be satisfied. Sometimes just having non sexual terms to discuss the issue, makes it less heated and more objective. Let's start with that and see what individual answers we can find, without judgement or blame.
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