Thanksgiving

Anthonius Claessins, c. 1538-1613

To give thanks,  we must have gratitude; but gratitude is such a subtle thing – it requires an awareness of what we have, what others don’t, how fortunate our lives are.  My son is studying European history and I said to him that his life today, with its running water, antibiotics and soft clean sheets and clothes, is of a better quality than most nobles were.   

Four Seasons,  by Philip Haas,  New York Botanical Garden

To be alive today, in the West, in America, in New York City, means you can easily access some of the greatest art, thought, humor, food in the world.   But to make any of this meaningful we need to add people.  Thanksgiving is a time to reconnect with friends and family.  For without love, life is hard, even if the bathroom taps are gold…

So I am thankful for living a life better than any Kings five hundred years ago, for the internet which offers endless entertainment, and for my clients, friends and family, who give it all meaning.  

How do the cards know?

Recently a client came to see me, whom I had not seen for several years.  Three years is a long time,  the old cards would no longer be relevant,  but I looked them up anyway (I used to make notes,  I now make a postcard of every reading,  photograph it and give it to you,  so you have a copy of all the cards you drew and so do I.) 

The old cards were all about work, she was at a career junction then.  This time, there were no work cards at all,  and she was ‘a little freaked’ in her own words,  to see the 3 of swords at her core,  and a scattering of swords throughout her reading.  How did the cards know?  she asked me.  Last time they were so sunny and optimistic about work (and accurate, she landed a great job) and now it’s all about heartache and pain, how did they know that? 

I said that’s what the cards do: they reflect your energy, where you are at right now.  People sometimes say to me,  well the cards will say that about anyone, and I say no,  if your love life is great, you draw great love cards,  if your work is awful your cards show that too.  The cards really do shift according to what is going on in your life at this point in time. 

For those worried about her future – she drew the Ace of Cups, the current relationship was no good,  but love is not far away for her!

Finding the relationship lifestyle that works for you

I read this story in the New York Times about people Living Apart Together. 

In my readings I hear about thousands of relationships.  I hear about people who live together happily in a tiny studio apartment, and about people who deliberately bought 2 apartments in the same complex but not on the same floor.  I hear of people who have separate bedrooms and of those who have trouble sleeping when their partner travels. And the upshot is – all of these are equally good if they work for you. 

The couple in the studio is too close for me, but it worked for them for a long time, and even when they moved, it was to a not to a much bigger place.   I particularly liked the woman whose lover taught singing from his home, so he was on the 6^th floor and she was on the 8^th floor of a different tower in the same complex, so his work did not infringe on her. They’ve been living like that for 12 years and very happy with it.  I often tell new couples that moving into the other person’s space can be tricky, best for both of you to move in together to somewhere new, if/when that time comes.

What I love about New York is that there are always options here.  If the ‘norm’ doesn’t work for you, let yourself explore the possibility of something else.  Don't let anyone else's judgment hamper you.  If it works for you, then it’s working…

Finding Success in Hardship

There’s a facebook page I love,  called Humans of New York, random shots of New Yorkers and a sentence or two. The sentences are often surprisingly profound. 

One showed a pleasant middle aged woman, who had this to say:

"I'm trying to help my kids find their way."
"What's the most difficult part of that?"
"Letting them fail."

by Akvamarinka

Hardships as much as successes make us who were are and some of the qualities we love most about ourselves grow from dreams that didn’t happen and then what we did next… 

One of the commentators said: Though none of us would ever wish it for our children, a little hardship is not a bad thing. Teaches resilience and dispels entitlement.

by Abagail Ekhert

The other reality is that hardship, in one form or another, comes to all of us. If we first find it at 40, it feels much worse than having swum through it at 25.  Hardships, disappointments, small failures help build resilience, determination and self-knowledge.  Too much hardship can break us, that’s true, but the right amount of hardship can make us…  

And I’ll end with the excellent Michael Jordan quote: “I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

 

So when hardship comes, remember it comes to all of us and it can be fertile soil indeed!