Aqua aerobic thoughts

I'm sitting on the edge of the pool,  waiting for class to begin,  looking at all the bodies.  Some young,  some old,  some fat,  some pregnant, some very fit.  And every body is beautiful. There is something in each and everyone of them that is precious and lovely. 

When you let yourself see that,  see the physical joy in others,  it's such a kind warm space to be in.   I want to stay in that space.  I want to see myself in that space... 

Being mean makes me feel bad

 

Just a reminder that there are people out there who don't want to be mean,  even in a game with no consequences.  

And seeing how this planet has plenty of consequences,  let's remember that being mean is an awful feeling,  masking feelings of inadequacy and loneliness.  So let's face the underlying feelings and stop being mean to strangers,  do our own hard work. Then both us and the world become much better.

Burned haystack dating method

You know the old saying,  it's like finding a needle in a haystack?  Well, Jennie Young played with that saying and created the burned haystack dating method. Basically,  instead of painstakingly searching,  burn that haystack to the ground,  and voila,  a needle appears.

What it means is that she recommends being super selective with your dating apps,  using really strong filters and blocking anyone who doesn't fit your parameters.  Yes,  you may miss some good men,  but you will also miss a whole lot of chaff,  and you will get to your needle much quicker. 

She recommends radical honesty in your dating profiles - say what it is you really want - and stick to it.  If anyone offers things other than that (I really want kids should not match with I'm open to having  kids,  open is not a real match to really want.  Or I really want fidelity is not a match to I'm open to fidelity.) The goal of the profile,  according to her,  is to be a gatekeeper,  and to keep most people out.  

This of course,  depends on you really knowing what you really want.  It also depends on a certain depth of experience with dating.  Because I worry about people setting parameters too tightly.  I've worked in a dating agency and one thing I came to realize is that people really don't know what they want until it walks through the door.  They have a lot of thoughts about what they might want,  but they often surprise themselves.   

So if you really do know what you want,  and really have been on way too many dates and really finding the apps overwhelming,  then I recommend trying this method.  I absolutely agree with her that you should meet as soon as possible,  weeks of texting just soak up time and often go nowhere.   I've had some laughs with tarot clients over the years about it,  and have heard some success around it.

Pan Narrans

So I was reading (I'm always reading) and came across the concept of Pan Narrans.  It was originated by Terry Pratchett, Jack Cohen, and Ian Stewart when talking about Discworld in The Science of Discworld,  book II.

Basically it says that what makes homo sapiens extraordinary is not tool use,  plenty of animals use tools,  nor problem solving,  lots of animals can solve quite complex problems, or even basic communication.  What sets us apart is our ability to tell stories.  All sorts of stories - personal history,  national history,  fact and fiction. 

We can create what-if scenarios which allow us to get much more intricate in our problem solving.  According to them,  scientific research is basically advanced storytelling,  where we create ideas about the world and then test them to see if we were correct. 

We can describe our tools down the ages,  which allow for more complex tools to be created.  And when we developed writing,  one of our most advanced tools, we could recall more than one human mind could hold,  making our world bigger than our brains. 

Intrinsically we become the stories we tell ourselves.  About us personally,  about our history,  what we chose to remember/record and what we don't. 

So we are the storytelling animal and that is what sets us apart.  Thus they renamed Homo Sapiens,  to Pan Narrans,  the storytelling animal. 

The book Sapiens, by Yuval Harari,  covers much of the same ground.  As does the Science of Storytelling, by Will Storr. 

It's a great perspective and I think they are all right.   In tarot readings we examine the stories we tell ourselves about our lives and challenge them to see if they give us the outcomes we want, and what do to if we want different outcomes.  Stories have amazing power. 

Current favorite poem

I love poetry,  dense like truffle chocolate,  an amuse bouche that lingers for hours afterwards.  I read a lot of it.  Lots of it not great,  some of it very good and some just strike that perfect chord.  

The ones that strike, I put up here.  For you, but also for me,  so I can find them again,  so I can remember them

This latest one is by Jess Janz 

Enjoy! 

Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is such a slippery thing.  It's when you pay more attention,  notice and remember things which hold to your world view,  and find it harder to look at,  analyse or accept things which contradict your world view.  Basically you don't believe what you see,  but rather see what you believe.

In these turbulent times,  especially with algorithm derived news,  its very easy to find a bubble which just confirms what you already suspected.  Don't like X,  all your social media feeds to support that view.   Like X,  well, here is some commentary you will agree with. 

Which is why we have to be doubly sure that we are really listening when someone gives us information.  Don't just remember what felt true,  remember the doubts,  and see what truths they were holding.  But also,  be very careful what you are listening to,  because the world is in a strange liminal place right now,  and truth can feel hard to grasp. 

Amazing cards by Lise Abbadie 

5 of wands

I had the funniest exchange the other day.  My client had drawn the 5 of wands,  and I went into my usual description of it - there are people,  clashing with sticks,  but it's sticks, not swords,  so it's like a game of hockey,  and if you sit on the field and huddle,  it's terrifying but if you step up and grab and stick and play,  then it's just a game. 

And she said,  a field?  Hockey's on ice.  And then we had to have a cultural exchange.  As an Australian,  we played field hockey at school.  We had these long curved sticks and ran.  Ice hockey was a derivative of field hockey.  She wasn't sure about that,  and we looked it up on our phones.

"Well, I'll be," she said. "you learn something new every day!"

Shades of Green

I read somewhere that humans can differentiate between shades of green better than any other colour,  a gift from our hunter gatherer days, when knowing the difference between all the foliage meant eating well or dying. 

When I was living in downtown New York sometimes my eyes would hunger for the color green.  Now that I live in Sydney,  near 3 golf courses and a national park,  my eyes see all the shades of green every day I walk the dog,  and I'm so grateful. 

If you are feeling stressed,  go walk in some green - in New York, my favorite was Brooklyn Botanic Gardens.  You'll feel better,  I promise. 

Reframing judging yourself

People observe things and then blame themselves - or others.  But I like this reframing I saw online from Jacquelyn Tenaglia, who describes herself as a no bs therapist. 

❌ “You choose toxic people.”✅ Toxic people are everywhere. Letting them stick around is the issue.❌ “You stayed for too long.” ✅ Leaving is hard when toxic dynamics erode self-worth over time.❌ “You should’ve known better.” ✅ Hindsight can be 20/20.❌ “You ignored red flags.” ✅ Sometimes people don’t show their cards right away. Sometimes we choose familiar people over healthy ones. Or hope can obscure judgment. Learning to trust your instincts strengthens your ability to walk away sooner.

I say a lot of similar stuff to people at readings.  Especially about familiar people over healthy ones.  He feels really familiar,  can mean,  he feels like from my family,  which wasn't a good space for me... takes time to tease that one out!   Also hindsight is a bitch,  foresight is much harder to come to,  which is why tarot readings help... 

Looking at today

When your country does something you don't like,  how do you withstand it?  

When people make a large generalization - all men,  all women,  all Americans,  all Iranians,  all Jews, all Palestinians, it can never be accurate.  In a large enough group,  there is rarely an all,  except that we are all human.  I am suffering,  they are suffering,  we are suffering.  And even leaders we despise are sometimes right and leaders we admire are sometimes wrong.   

All I can say is that world is a complicated and fragile place,  and today it feels more of both. 

I shuffle, hearing the susurrations of the cards as they move through my fingers.  I pull out the 9 of swords.  Well we all are there, the anxiety is alive now,  preventing sleep.  So I chose to meditate on the moon card instead.

I send you blessings of tranquility and calm.

What if the cards give me bad news...

A question I get frequently is what if they cards give me bad news? What if they tell me something I don't want to hear. 

And I say the cards say what they say.  And at times I have felt like Cassandra from Ancient Greek myth,  who was cursed to always tell the truth and not be believed.  

But usually,  when I do a reading,  the other person is nodding their heads,  yes,  I knew this,  I didn't want this outcome,  but I can see it.  And so can a stranger with 78 pieces of cardboard.  It's not that I tell you unbelievable things,  it's that I tell you what you know,  without knowing you at all. 

People come to me in times of flux - it's why they want the reading in the first place.  And during the reading they get their intuition confirmed. I didn't want X to happen,  but I can see what the cards are saying.  Even if the news is not what you want,  talking about it, figuring out what's going on,  can give you understanding, give you back some power and help shift the situation. 

Fiction tell us truths

Here's how I love to watch TV - one episode a night,  till it ends.  None of this waiting all week for a new episode to come out,  but none of this watching 8 hours in one day either.  No,  I like to pace myself. So this is why I come to shows a bit late - I wait for all the episodes to come out before I even start.

We are watching Andor right now.  I just finished the arc about Ghorman.   I am moved by the TV show and the characters but I'm devastated by how it resonates with the world today. I actually feel a bit shaky about how bad the news is,  how people  then gaslight us,  telling us we are are making it sound worse than it is, and how evil wins when truth dies.  Which brings me to Mon Motha's powerful speech: 

It feels like people are creating a truth optional world,  where people believe their alternate facts,  and we can't even agree on the very basics.  Feels dangerous to me. And I'm sorry that this is our present state of reality. 

Empathy

There's lots of talk about empathy lately - a idea which I thought was a universal good,  until Elon Musk came out with his strange quote - the biggest weakness of the West is empathy (?!?) 

But here is an article in the Washington Post (from 2011,  so we've known this for a while!) that shows that rats will help a strange trapped rat out of a bad situation for no reason other than they can do it and are willing - so they empathise with the trapped rat,  hearing it's trapped squeaks,  and come and help it out. 

Humans can do this too!  Remember, next time you hear a human squeak in distress,  try helping it out.  Empathy is a universal good, let no one tell you otherwise!

The Dunning–Kruger effect

We discussed this at a recent tarot reading.

The Dunning-Kruger effect, is a cognitive bias,  where people frequently overestimate their ability/capacity at doing something they don't know very much about.  It was first described by two  psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger in 1999.  

So men who say they could beat Venus Williams at tennis (which was a meme that amazed me at the time) are overestimating their skill set in a big way! Or,  people who think anyone could do that before they try doing that themselves

We were talking about a date my client had where her date kept telling her he could do her job better than she could,  and I said,  yes, the Dunning-Kruger effect.  And then I had to describe what I meant,  and she said, you mean it's so common there's a word for it?!  and we both laughed. 

Book Goblin

 I don't even know where I found this,  but it is so cute! 

I also like my books to match and hate when they put out a series in all sorts of different sizes and fonts (I'm looking at you Liaden series!)  So grateful when I realize that I'm not the only crazy one.

Now I'm off to look at Elizabeth Wheatley's books,  if she's created the book goblin she must be on my wavelength... 

Psychic Moments

I believe everyone is psychic, like everyone can sing. Some are natural singers,  some are trained,  some are wild rare talents,  and some are tone deaf.  So it is with psychic abilities - some are natural, you can train yourself to be better (as I definitely have) and everyone has wild moments of knowledge. 

I met a group of ladies in the dog park,  chatting about not much.  I turn to a woman I don't know very well at all,  and casually ask her if she knows about a local apartment that just sold.  I didn't ask anyone else,  I don't know why I asked her. Turns out, she's the purchaser.  (I actually thought she was joking the first time she said it)

She asked if someone had spoken about it,  but I could say in all honesty that no one had mentioned it to me,  and that I hadn't discussed it with anyone else.  And I laughed to myself.  One of those weird wild quirks. 

Teapots

Last year I did a blog about a woman and expensive handbags.  I had fun trolling the internet for handbags to show as examples.  Then recently I wrote about things I'm not buying today,  and how I create Pinterest files about things I love,  and yet am not buying just yet.  

This reminded me of my love of teapots.  I love tea,  drink it all day every day.  I can do a coffee once a week,  but I have tea three times a day.  So I made the fatal error of looking at my teapots Pinterest folder,  and now I am longing to own more teapots.  I have seven.  I mean,  how many teapots can you justify owning? Especially as I drink from tea bags.  (Marks and Spenser Blue box, Bright and Malty - just perfect!) 

So in order to curb my lust,  putting them in the Pinterest folder is not not enough,  I'm now copying them to a blog piece here. 

My current favorite tea pots,  which I am not buying.  Or at least not all of them!