My new favorite Deck

I began reading tarot cards so long ago,  that really the only deck available was the Rider Waite.  And so I imprinted on it,  and learnt all my reading skills from those extraordinary, intricate images.  I still recommend it as the best deck for new readers.  Most other decks are influenced by or based on it. 

But then the internet exploded,  and all sorts of new images/visual interpretations emerged. 

Every so often I stumble across a new deck,  and each image is more perfect than the next,  and I get greedy to have it in my hands. 

So my new favorite Deck is the Grand Bear Deck by Lise Abbaddie,  a french designer.   It took me a good hour online trying to find the source of all these amazing cards,  and from what I can tell, the deck is not complete,  I can't buy it. But I want to!  I'll join their mailing list and preorder as soon as I can! 

Let yourself be served

I was doing a tarot reading for a woman who was under a lot of stress.  She drew way too many swords and any positive card was reversed. 

So we discussed ways to reduce stress.  She said she was eating really badly - skipping meals and then doubling down on sugary snacks.  So I said,   go to a restaurant,  order a salad that someone else has made,  and let yourself be served.  You deserve to be taken care of,  and you deserve healthy,  delicious food.  

She teared up.  She hadn't thought about it in those terms before,  but the idea of being looked after,  of not having to buy, cook and tidy up a meal,  was something she realized she really wanted. 

I hope it nourishes her well. 

News Avoidance

We have a habit in our household,  the tv goes on at 7 and we watch the news.  But every so often,  the news is so bleak,  or enraging,  or overwhelming,  that I just can't bear it,  and I mute it.  Of course,  in sunny, safe Sydney,  this is an option I can take.  But I've been thinking about news avoidance,  because so many people, both here and New York, are saying/doing the same thing.  And I guess I want the news channels to start thinking about how they engage with us,  and what the news is doing to us and to them.  We need better options about knowing what is going on and then dealing with it.

It reminds me of Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs and Steel.  I read it way back when and found it so overwhelming in it's portents that I had to put it down and pause for a bit between reads.  It's so well written and I completely believed it,  but I felt powerless before it.  Almost thirty years later,  we've caught up a bit to his rage and knowledge and most accept his viewpoint as true,  but we still have to deal with the next step - what to do about it!

Joanna Macy,  Buddhist and deep ecologist,  has an approach called 'Active Hope.'  She doesn't want us to be reassured and comfortable,  but neither does she wants us to be despairing and distraught.  Instead,  she wants us to see what is true and real,  and then work within our world to make it better.  She writes in her website - in the face of overwhelming social and ecological crises, this work helps people transform despair and apathy into constructive, collaborative action.

I very much want to have a better world and do believe that collaborative, constructive action is the way to go. So I'm off to find a corner of the world where I can help and make things better...

Wishing you the same calming, foundational energy!

Amanda Knox

I was vaguely aware of the Amanda Knox story as it unfolded in Italy in 2007,  but I wasn't at all invested in it,  as we can be in some famous cases.  

In fact,  when this trailer appeared,  I had to look up if the consensus was she was innocent or not.

Of course that put me down a steep rabbit hole! And I came to this interview with her,  about her book. 

And in it she said so many things I fundamentally agree with!

Every place is the place of someone's worst tragedy and someone's best moments.

Amanda Knox

It's such an important thing to remember - that on the day of your mother's funeral,  someone else is getting married, that there is a ying and yang to every thing, and that that is a good thing! 

I liked everything she said and will go look for her book Free,  My search for Meaning.  It looks really interesting. 

Quote of the Day

"Never make fun of people for mispronouncing a word. It means they learned it by reading." Anon

As someone who was a first generation English speaker in my family, and learnt so many words by reading, this really speaks to me. And English is such a ridiculous language - so many words are spelt oddly and there are so many exceptions to the rules.

I learnt this quote later in life, but really take it to heart. We should be proud of people who learn by their own efforts and be gracious to them!

Teenage crushes

Did a tarot reading for a woman recently divorced.  She put it up on her facebook page.  All of a sudden,  these boys she went to high school with popped up,  25 years or so later,  to tell her that they had had crushes on her in their teens,  and did she want to go out now.  

She told me that her teenage years had been so isolated and lonely,  and she wished she had known then,  that she could be attractive.  She may have chosen a different man altogether if she knew she had options. (Isn't that a wonderful Austen like 7 of cups card!) 

So now she isn't dating any of them (she moved over a thousand miles away from her High School town over 20 years ago,  and isn't interested in going back.) But she's more open to letting people know how she feels in the here and now.  And she knows she can attract people into her life. 

Aqua aerobic thoughts

I'm sitting on the edge of the pool,  waiting for class to begin,  looking at all the bodies.  Some young,  some old,  some fat,  some pregnant, some very fit.  And every body is beautiful. There is something in each and everyone of them that is precious and lovely. 

When you let yourself see that,  see the physical joy in others,  it's such a kind warm space to be in.   I want to stay in that space.  I want to see myself in that space... 

Being mean makes me feel bad

 

Just a reminder that there are people out there who don't want to be mean,  even in a game with no consequences.  

And seeing how this planet has plenty of consequences,  let's remember that being mean is an awful feeling,  masking feelings of inadequacy and loneliness.  So let's face the underlying feelings and stop being mean to strangers,  do our own hard work. Then both us and the world become much better.

Burned haystack dating method

You know the old saying,  it's like finding a needle in a haystack?  Well, Jennie Young played with that saying and created the burned haystack dating method. Basically,  instead of painstakingly searching,  burn that haystack to the ground,  and voila,  a needle appears.

What it means is that she recommends being super selective with your dating apps,  using really strong filters and blocking anyone who doesn't fit your parameters.  Yes,  you may miss some good men,  but you will also miss a whole lot of chaff,  and you will get to your needle much quicker. 

She recommends radical honesty in your dating profiles - say what it is you really want - and stick to it.  If anyone offers things other than that (I really want kids should not match with I'm open to having  kids,  open is not a real match to really want.  Or I really want fidelity is not a match to I'm open to fidelity.) The goal of the profile,  according to her,  is to be a gatekeeper,  and to keep most people out.  

This of course,  depends on you really knowing what you really want.  It also depends on a certain depth of experience with dating.  Because I worry about people setting parameters too tightly.  I've worked in a dating agency and one thing I came to realize is that people really don't know what they want until it walks through the door.  They have a lot of thoughts about what they might want,  but they often surprise themselves.   

So if you really do know what you want,  and really have been on way too many dates and really finding the apps overwhelming,  then I recommend trying this method.  I absolutely agree with her that you should meet as soon as possible,  weeks of texting just soak up time and often go nowhere.   I've had some laughs with tarot clients over the years about it,  and have heard some success around it.

Pan Narrans

So I was reading (I'm always reading) and came across the concept of Pan Narrans.  It was originated by Terry Pratchett, Jack Cohen, and Ian Stewart when talking about Discworld in The Science of Discworld,  book II.

Basically it says that what makes homo sapiens extraordinary is not tool use,  plenty of animals use tools,  nor problem solving,  lots of animals can solve quite complex problems, or even basic communication.  What sets us apart is our ability to tell stories.  All sorts of stories - personal history,  national history,  fact and fiction. 

We can create what-if scenarios which allow us to get much more intricate in our problem solving.  According to them,  scientific research is basically advanced storytelling,  where we create ideas about the world and then test them to see if we were correct. 

We can describe our tools down the ages,  which allow for more complex tools to be created.  And when we developed writing,  one of our most advanced tools, we could recall more than one human mind could hold,  making our world bigger than our brains. 

Intrinsically we become the stories we tell ourselves.  About us personally,  about our history,  what we chose to remember/record and what we don't. 

So we are the storytelling animal and that is what sets us apart.  Thus they renamed Homo Sapiens,  to Pan Narrans,  the storytelling animal. 

The book Sapiens, by Yuval Harari,  covers much of the same ground.  As does the Science of Storytelling, by Will Storr. 

It's a great perspective and I think they are all right.   In tarot readings we examine the stories we tell ourselves about our lives and challenge them to see if they give us the outcomes we want, and what do to if we want different outcomes.  Stories have amazing power. 

Current favorite poem

I love poetry,  dense like truffle chocolate,  an amuse bouche that lingers for hours afterwards.  I read a lot of it.  Lots of it not great,  some of it very good and some just strike that perfect chord.  

The ones that strike, I put up here.  For you, but also for me,  so I can find them again,  so I can remember them

This latest one is by Jess Janz 

Enjoy! 

Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is such a slippery thing.  It's when you pay more attention,  notice and remember things which hold to your world view,  and find it harder to look at,  analyse or accept things which contradict your world view.  Basically you don't believe what you see,  but rather see what you believe.

In these turbulent times,  especially with algorithm derived news,  its very easy to find a bubble which just confirms what you already suspected.  Don't like X,  all your social media feeds to support that view.   Like X,  well, here is some commentary you will agree with. 

Which is why we have to be doubly sure that we are really listening when someone gives us information.  Don't just remember what felt true,  remember the doubts,  and see what truths they were holding.  But also,  be very careful what you are listening to,  because the world is in a strange liminal place right now,  and truth can feel hard to grasp. 

Amazing cards by Lise Abbadie 

5 of wands

I had the funniest exchange the other day.  My client had drawn the 5 of wands,  and I went into my usual description of it - there are people,  clashing with sticks,  but it's sticks, not swords,  so it's like a game of hockey,  and if you sit on the field and huddle,  it's terrifying but if you step up and grab and stick and play,  then it's just a game. 

And she said,  a field?  Hockey's on ice.  And then we had to have a cultural exchange.  As an Australian,  we played field hockey at school.  We had these long curved sticks and ran.  Ice hockey was a derivative of field hockey.  She wasn't sure about that,  and we looked it up on our phones.

"Well, I'll be," she said. "you learn something new every day!"

Shades of Green

I read somewhere that humans can differentiate between shades of green better than any other colour,  a gift from our hunter gatherer days, when knowing the difference between all the foliage meant eating well or dying. 

When I was living in downtown New York sometimes my eyes would hunger for the color green.  Now that I live in Sydney,  near 3 golf courses and a national park,  my eyes see all the shades of green every day I walk the dog,  and I'm so grateful. 

If you are feeling stressed,  go walk in some green - in New York, my favorite was Brooklyn Botanic Gardens.  You'll feel better,  I promise. 

Reframing judging yourself

People observe things and then blame themselves - or others.  But I like this reframing I saw online from Jacquelyn Tenaglia, who describes herself as a no bs therapist. 

❌ “You choose toxic people.”✅ Toxic people are everywhere. Letting them stick around is the issue.❌ “You stayed for too long.” ✅ Leaving is hard when toxic dynamics erode self-worth over time.❌ “You should’ve known better.” ✅ Hindsight can be 20/20.❌ “You ignored red flags.” ✅ Sometimes people don’t show their cards right away. Sometimes we choose familiar people over healthy ones. Or hope can obscure judgment. Learning to trust your instincts strengthens your ability to walk away sooner.

I say a lot of similar stuff to people at readings.  Especially about familiar people over healthy ones.  He feels really familiar,  can mean,  he feels like from my family,  which wasn't a good space for me... takes time to tease that one out!   Also hindsight is a bitch,  foresight is much harder to come to,  which is why tarot readings help... 

Looking at today

When your country does something you don't like,  how do you withstand it?  

When people make a large generalization - all men,  all women,  all Americans,  all Iranians,  all Jews, all Palestinians, it can never be accurate.  In a large enough group,  there is rarely an all,  except that we are all human.  I am suffering,  they are suffering,  we are suffering.  And even leaders we despise are sometimes right and leaders we admire are sometimes wrong.   

All I can say is that world is a complicated and fragile place,  and today it feels more of both. 

I shuffle, hearing the susurrations of the cards as they move through my fingers.  I pull out the 9 of swords.  Well we all are there, the anxiety is alive now,  preventing sleep.  So I chose to meditate on the moon card instead.

I send you blessings of tranquility and calm.

What if the cards give me bad news...

A question I get frequently is what if they cards give me bad news? What if they tell me something I don't want to hear. 

And I say the cards say what they say.  And at times I have felt like Cassandra from Ancient Greek myth,  who was cursed to always tell the truth and not be believed.  

But usually,  when I do a reading,  the other person is nodding their heads,  yes,  I knew this,  I didn't want this outcome,  but I can see it.  And so can a stranger with 78 pieces of cardboard.  It's not that I tell you unbelievable things,  it's that I tell you what you know,  without knowing you at all. 

People come to me in times of flux - it's why they want the reading in the first place.  And during the reading they get their intuition confirmed. I didn't want X to happen,  but I can see what the cards are saying.  Even if the news is not what you want,  talking about it, figuring out what's going on,  can give you understanding, give you back some power and help shift the situation.