When the internet eats your words, get better ones!

Damn!

I just wrote an entire blog and the internet gremlins ate it,   

Hate it when that happens! 

I'll recreate it next week.

In the meantime,  here's a Beatles lyrics of a song I heard Patti LuPone cover in Sydney last week - 

In My Life

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

Chose your superpower wisely

One of my regulars came in and told me she was exercising her super power.  Her only son was marrying a woman she found hard to connect to,  she was a bit cold and standoffish.  And she decided to be the most supportive and warm future mother in law possible. 

As time went on and small wedding dramas grew,  she was consistently on the side of supporting what the bridal couple wanted.  At the end of using every bit of super power she had,  the bride thanked her at the wedding with tears in her eyes.  

My client teared up thinking about it.  This woman now calls her often,  laughs easily and is always happy when her son suggests going to their place.

We all have a superpower.  We can chose how we act.  It makes a tremendous amount of difference. Use your superpower wisely. 

Comfort to the afflicted and afflict the comfortable

So I read this just now - that the job of clergy is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable,  and that's so sharp and smart,  I wanted to repeat it here.

I am not clergy!  But often people come to me in search of comfort,  and if they are afflicted,  I am so happy to comfort them.   I have many readings where I encourage my clients to be kinder to themselves, to be softer on themselves. 

But I still remember the reading where the woman came to me from wealthy Westchester,  with nothing but contempt for her husband who had not reached C level (He was not a CEO, CFO or even COO)  She felt that she had hitched her horse to the wrong wagon and wanted to have an affair.   

I told her that she should get a job. When her husband found out about the affair she would need it, and if she got very engaged with her job, she might not even want to have an affair. She got really cross with me.  I guess I was afflicting the comfortable there.  But it was just the idea that the man she had married and had children with had not risen to the level she expected and she wanted to punish him with an affair. Whereas I  was saying, you're in your early 40's - why don't you go out and get into the C level? But clearly she thought that was impossible for her and was angry at me for looking at that option. 

Those cards,  they can be tough! Definitely comforting the afflicted but they can certainly be an afflict to the comfortable - or vexing to the contemptuous. 

Letting the Perfect get in the way of the Good

I see this so often in readings.  A desire for perfection spoiling the pretty good moments.  People have this around weddings,  where everything has to be 'perfect' and of course it won't be,  because nothing is perfect and then after the wedding,  all the focus is on what went wrong and how awful the person/situation was that unwittingly spoilt the event. 

But even on things not as dramatic as weddings - people just want the holiday,  the apartment,  the new job - they want it all to work out perfectly.  And instead of celebrating the good,  they focus on what doesn't work.  

And the cards are so ruthless. They draw the 4 of cups or the Devil - cards showing them getting lost in their dreams and not seeing the good in front of them,  or repeating bad patterns.

So if this is happening to you,  if you feel constantly disappointed/stressed, give yourself a moment to focus on what is really going on.  Is it good enough or do we have to go and change it?  But don't expect perfection,  that guarantees disappointment...  

Different kinds of friendship

A client at a reading once gave me a really excellent saying which I repeat often (I was well into my 40's when she told it to me,  and it really helped frame things for me.)

Friends for a season,  Friends for a reason,  Friends for Life.

Sometimes we meet someone over the summer,  have a really great time with them, and then,  winter comes and they fall away.  It wasn't that they weren't real during the summer, it was just that were simply friends for a season - camp friends,   summer friends,  holiday friends... 

Sometimes we are doing something and want friends going through exactly the same life event - early motherhood,  college classes,  work friends.  While we are in the reason,  they are great friends.  But if the reason changes -  we graduate,  the kids grow,  we change jobs,  they seem to drift away.  Again,  they were real friends,  present and interested at the time,  but without the reason connecting us,  we grow apart.

And then there are the far rarer,  friends for Life.  They will pass with you though the seasons and the reasons.  You may have different jobs,  different kids,  different marriages and even move cities... but you stay connected.  

If you allow yourself all three kinds of friendships,  life is so much easier.  You don't have to demand of every new friend that they be friends for life.  Instead, you can start with a season, or a reason,  and see if it grows organically.  And if it doesn't, you can still enjoy the times you had/have knowing that they are being good people to you,  while the season and reason holds.  And you can keep the door open, if a new reason or season opens up..  

Texting and all that jazz

I just did a reading for a woman,  26 years old,  in a newish relationship that took a nose dive over the weekend when he didn't answer her texts on the day.  They were not urgent texts,  and he did reply, but not on the day.  She wants to break up with him,  he thinks she's being unreasonable.  I said she can break up whenever she wants,  but what's going on here?  

Turns out her last boyfriend also had issues with her and texting.  So I asked,  how often do you text?  It turns out,  5, 6 or 10 times a day.  And she wants a response within the hour.   I looked at her.  Do you respond to them within the hour?  She responds usually within 15 minutes to anyone,  5 minutes to a close friend,  instantly to a boyfriend.  Whoo boy,  I thought.

Okay,  so you have very different methods of communication.  The boyfriend told her that phones are for his convenience,  they are not there to be an electronic leash and when she demands instant responses it takes away from where he is at that moment.  She can't understand that.  She feels abandoned,  he feels nagged.  

A tarot reading is an hour without phone calls or texts.  I had told her to put her phone on airplane mode for the reading, so she could use it to record the reading,  which she did but reluctantly.  

I said that if this was a problem with only one man,  she could just look for another man.  But this is going to be a problem with quite a few men.  And the cards like this boyfriend,  she drew the King of Pentacles around him - he is mature,  steadfast and reliable.  He also wants to work things out,  but not text back immediately.   So they have to see if they can tolerate each others needs and anxieties.  But the boys who love bomb her and text her several times a day,  and respond straight away,  they also end up disappointing.  

It's hard when our own needs get in our way.  That serotonin hit of hearing the chime,  reading the text, knowing they are thinking of you.  But it can become addictive,  drawing you away from the people you are with,  to be with the hit from the ether.  

She hadn't talked previously to someone who was listening closely but not involved.  That's the gift of tarot.  I have no agenda,  I just tell her want the cards tell me. She knows the phone issue is complicated but she liked the cards she drew around him. They are going to try to talk it out... 

JoHari Window

I've been clearing out my study, and one of the things I came across was the a file about the Johari Window,  which is a tool I still refer to occasionally.  So I decided to go through it here.

Basically it was a way of describing personal information.  There are things about you that you know,  and that you are happy for others to know (open.) 

There are things you know that you wish to hide (hidden.)  

But there also things about you,  that others know,  that you may not (Blind.) 

 And finally there are things about you that you don't know, and neither do others (Unknown) 

What I love about tarot is that it immediately sees both the hidden and the blind panels,  but also,  with a bit of exploration,  you can start to see the unknown panel - what is there about me that is hard for both me and others to see but still drives me. 

Barbara V Evers has created a very cute window describing Harry Potter,  so you can see how the window works -

The healthier we are,  the larger the open window is.  The healthier we are,  the smaller the unknown areas and blind spots are.  Those are where we can trip over ourselves and wonder what happened... 

I really do believe that a deep tarot session can push through and let you see things clearly,  that have not been clear before.  Partly is it because I trust the cards so much,  that if they seem off kilter,  we have to pause and see what they are trying to tell you,  and from there,  the knowledge that was trying to seep out,  gets seen.  Tarot really is a very powerful tool.