Failure to Launch

My latest readings have had the same difficult theme.  Mother's coming to a tarot reading, not to talk about themselves,  but to talk about their anxieties for their young adult children.  Kids either not going to college,  just out of college and not looking for jobs,  or looking furiously for jobs,  but not finding them as their degrees start to get stale. 

It's a crazy market out there right now.  I've talked to people about finding jobs and career paths for over 30 years and this is one of the stickiest, worst markets I've seen.  The combination of AI,  world events and post Covid anxiety,  means that many young adults are failing to launch.  And their worried parents come from such a different vantage point,  that most of their advice is no help at all. 

So we talk about executive skills,  we talk about finding work mentors.  We talk about the unspoken reality that a parents contacts can be one of the biggest levers a new graduate can access.  It's really,  really hard to get a job from the internet.  At the very least,  they need some sort of contact within the company or the field.  And luck.  It's not enough to have a degree right now.  They also need some random luck to get them in the door.  And we all know that luck is fickle and unreliable. 

I will warn them that most advice is outdated right now,  because AI is changing things as we speak,  and anyone who says they are an expert on the job market,  well they may have been an expert last week,  but this week conditions have changed.

I tell people to get their resumes looked at by a specialist,  who can put the right keywords in it.  I will also tell them to get their kids into as many networking events as possible (I know, it's effortless for some people and a horror show for others.)  And I tell the adults to look to their own network,  to see if they can get some help there. 

But just knowing that the difficulties are real,  their young adults are not exaggerating,  it's really weird out there, that can help.  I don't have a quick and easy answer,  but it is a numbers game and you have to keep slogging through,  till you get the response you want.  Also,  the first job may not be a perfect one,  but it's better than no job,  and it gets you into the world of work and from there,  you can keep looking.  

And we look for the Ace of Pentacles,  a yes to work and money,  and hope that it appears!

So one of my clients reached out after I published and recommended this book.  I haven't read it, but she rates it highly - Failure to Launch by Mark McConville   I'm always happy to take recommendations.  I hope this one helps! 

Small Triumphs

Some days are difficult,  some weeks are full of tasks that you don't want to do.  It can feel overwhelming.  The 8 of swords dominating. 

I really do feel that when these times happen,  lists are such a friend!  I write lists just for the joy of crossing things out.  I write lists so I have things timed and dated as to when I did something,  so if  need be I can look back and see how and when things were done.  I write lists because the edges of the notepad contain the anxiety I have,  and make it manageable.  Yes,  there might be 20 awful things on the list,  but if I do one a day,  then in 3 weeks,  it's done! 

For a minute there I felt like I was living in the world of "there's a hole in my bucket" (that reference was old in my childhood, I know!!  Also talk about weaponized incompetence, that song is dreadful!)  But slowly I got all my papers and everything I needed,  and now my tasks,  while annoying,  are doable.

So that's what I tell my clients when they are feeling overwhelmed.  Shrink each task into small manageable bites,  don't overcommit,  do a small bit every day,  and set yourself up to succeed - don't try to do C when you know you need A or B completed first.  Break it down so you know what you need and start with the simplest things and build upwards.  

Today I closed a foreign credit card,  I had all the paperwork in order,  I stayed on hold for 45 minutes,  and then,  voila,  it was done!  Small triumph but sweet indeed!  Use that Queen of Swords energy, and get things done! 

The Vampire Problem

Every so often I come across a new to me idea or approach,  and I  write about here a) so I don't forget it and b) when I inevitably mention it in a future reading,  I  have a good link to share. 

L.A Paul is a philosopher and she became famous writing about transformative experiences,  with having a child as a key example.   The you that you may become post child is unknown and unknowable to the you that is thinking about whether or not to have a child. The act of having a child is so transformative that the you that decided to have a child just could not formulate how much this would affect you and what it would do to your life. Even if you thought about it very carefully and rationally,  the unknowns are too unknowable in each particular instance,  that on some level,   you operate without truly knowing how this will impact you.

And the example she came up was the Vampire Problem.  Let's say you are debating whether to become a vampire.  You won't really ever know what it's like to be a vampire until after the event.  So all your foreknowledge or research is not really useful,  because the being that you are after the transformation may be so different to the one who made the decision and that being may have completely different values/agendas - because of the transformation that the old you decided!

What makes a transformative experience?

1.  The choice is irreversible - in the case of having a child,  it's probably one of the few one way doors in life (Love that phrase,  it comes from Sebasatiano Merlino on threads. )

2. There is an experience gap: It is impossible for you to know how the experience will impact you until you go through it.

3. It is transformative:  the you that is deciding is not the same you that will deal with the decision.

I like this.  It's just a way of look at transformative experiences and giving us some idea of how to think about them. 

I think I'm drawn to this right now because I am going through a transformative experience of my own - from wife of 38 years to widow,  and it soothes me on some level to know that it doesn't matter what I try to control now,  the me I'll be down the track may be so different,  that these decisions may have completely different resonances.  And that helps me to let go of anxiety.  I can't control for it,  I'm in the midst of it,  it is happening no matter what. 

Revisiting Anxiety

I have written about anxiety before,  but we are living in anxious, 9 of swords times  and could do with some reassurance. 

One of my main defences against anxiety is to name it outloud to myself - I am feeling anxious and I need to do something about it.  So what do I do?  There are many studies that show that going into nature - walks,  swimming,  gardens - can definitely help.  Putting your feet into sand or grass,  into the water's edge or earth,  that can help ground you. 

But sometimes nature is far away,  and sometimes getting dressed to go out into nature feels a bridge too far.  

I have found guided visualisations enormously helpful.  I've been recommending Belleruth Naparstek for years! And I'm still happy to recommend her. 

But lately I've been listening to Kenneth Soares,  who I found on Apple. I mentioned to him to a client recently and she excitedly said she listens to him too.  We both discussed how we can't place his accent (he's definitely not Australian,  as some have suggested!)  I said how I found his comments that I don't have to relax at this moment,  just gave me permission to relax;  whereas others telling me to take a deep breath and commanding me to relax just made me more tense! (I'm so contrary,  I know.)

I always stress to people that I find the ideas of guided meditations very helpful,  but many individual speakers don't work for me at all. If you don't like these recommendations,  don't feel bad.  There is a whole world of guided meditations out there.  Find one that you do like,  and that should help soothe you. 

Looking at today

When your country does something you don't like,  how do you withstand it?  

When people make a large generalization - all men,  all women,  all Americans,  all Iranians,  all Jews, all Palestinians, it can never be accurate.  In a large enough group,  there is rarely an all,  except that we are all human.  I am suffering,  they are suffering,  we are suffering.  And even leaders we despise are sometimes right and leaders we admire are sometimes wrong.   

All I can say is that world is a complicated and fragile place,  and today it feels more of both. 

I shuffle, hearing the susurrations of the cards as they move through my fingers.  I pull out the 9 of swords.  Well we all are there, the anxiety is alive now,  preventing sleep.  So I chose to meditate on the moon card instead.

I send you blessings of tranquility and calm.

Sound Bath

All my life I've been very receptive/ sensitive to sound.  The right music can just lift me up and completely change my mood,  and the wrong music just jars on me and I can't bear it.  

Lately I've been putting in the words Sound Bath to apple and spotify,  or youtube and listening to what they conjure up.  Lots of it doesn't work for me,  but I've found things that are just wonderful!  Sound Baths are healing vibrational sounds  - gongs, bells,  singing bowls, chimes etc..  often with music, rain sounds, sometimes on their own,  that are meant to resonate through you and work on your harmonics. 

If you are seeking some refuge,  something different,  try listening to new music.  Most sound bath music does not have lyrics,  but often does have spoken visualizations over it.  Some of the spoken stuff does not work at all for me,  some of it is soothing,  some of it I never hear,  because I've fallen asleep by then.  But a lot of it really relaxes me.  

My most recent find is Dr Ramdesh.  You may not like her, don't worry if you don't,  but find someone that does work for you. If you are troubled with anxiety or racing thoughts,  try finding some new guided visualizations, or meditations.  I find they help enormously. 

Kindle

I've been an avid reader all my life.  I was a late adopter to ebooks,  because I like physical books so much.  But a lot of the weird genre books I read (sci fi, fantasy,  post apocalyptic) ,  don't always come out in paperbacks,  and the ebooks were so much cheaper. So in 2014 or so I leapt in and bought a Kindle.

I have not looked back.  They are great for travelling - literally half my carryon used to be books,  and now it all fits into one slim volume.  I assuage any anxiety by always having a book on me,  and with Kindle,  I have 30 plus books on me!  So much more relaxing! 

I like them for reading,  but I love them for rereading.  I've got highlights and notes and thoughts and it becomes like a diary.  I can see what impressed me then,  what impresses me now, it definitely improves the reread experience for me.

Recently,  I decided to reread a book I had in paperback,  and the font was just too small for me to comfortably read.  I actually rebought it in the kindle format (that's how much I love Lois McMaster Bujold!)

And I just reread Dune - having seen both movies last week - they are so beautiful and so well cast!  Highly recommend both films! - in paperback and it's hard to read in bed with no back light, and I missed make highlights.  So I guess I am a kindle convert now. 

Anxiety

Anxiety - even the mention of the word can make us feel anxious.  Throughout the Covid years I was speaking to a lot of people with increasing issues with anxiety.  And somehow they all felt,  once Covid felt like it was behind us,  the anxiety would decrease.  But there is something about long exposure to anxiety,  it sensitizes us to it.  So the more you are anxious,  the more anxious you can become - feels terribly unfair!  

The best advice I've found for dealing with it, is getting out into nature - a walk in the woods,  by the river,  or the ocean -  works wonders.  But sometimes we are far away from nature,  and getting out of the house on our one day off and trying to find some nature just adds to our stress.  So... I've been recommending guided meditations downloads and aps.  

But first I'll start with a disclaimer.  I absolutely believe that these can help,  but I'm also incredibly picky.  One wrong detail and I'm out of there,  no longer relaxed and in touch,  but rather irritated and more anxious!  So I can reject then on the basis of accent,  of back ground music,  of one wrong word.  But I believe in them,  so while I am picky and reject far more than I accept,  I keep ploughing on till I find the one that works for me.  These have worked for me or been recommended by people I trust and have worked for them.  They may not work for you,  and that's not on you or on the product, it just didn't connect to you.  If they don't work, please just look for another one - and if you find one that really does work for you, let me know and I'll add it to my list of referrals.  

I've listened to literally hundreds of guided meditations,  and this is one of my favorite creators - Belleruth Naparstek. ,  she speaks so kindly and so wisely.   I also like the work by Andrew Weil, he writes a lot about food,  but his CD on music,  with Kimba Arem ,  was just so healing and calming. Also the very well named,  Anxiety Release app comes highly recommended.  

So take a deep breath,  and dive into that world and see what speaks to you... 

New Year Wishes

Evaluating the past year was easier pre Covid.  Now surviving seems accomplishment enough!  I'm speaking to a lot of people who have some anxiety getting back to the world as it was before.  Others are just pushing forward, having run out of energy for Covid precautions. 

Frankly,  I'm glad 2022 is nearly over and looking forward to a fresh start with 2023.  My blessings for everyone is safety and warmth.  May you get what you wish for in the new year.  

Dreaming in a time of Corona

I've been having strange anxiety dreams lately.  I was desperately trying to get a train ticket to Bath (in the UK.)  I was lucky because when the ticket seller told me I'd have to bribe him to get the information I needed,  I said this just doesn't happen! Then in the dream I realized I was dreaming and woke myself up.  Yay for expectations of incorruptibility of British Rail.

But all joking aside,  even if your own life is going well enough,  these are trying times and anxiety can manifest in sneaky ways.  Everyone I speak to is overeating (me too!) Many are stress baking (me too!)  Some of us are exercising with YouTube videos (me occasionally.) 

But I am also consciously listing what I am grateful for.  We were watching the news and the some people devastated by the Australian bush fires late last year don't have a home to shelter in.  Of course,  knowing that people are genuinely worse off than you doesn't always help,  hence dreaming of trying to get to civilized Bath and finding that you can't there for love or money...  

If you are stressing,  remember to be kind to yourself.  And please try to walk outside (maintaining strict distance from others!) to let some wind blow through your hair.  Read, find ways to move,  nurture yourself and those around you.  Be kind and this too shall pass... 

Keeping yourself well

In these difficult times,  it's easy to get agitated and upset.  I've found myself feeling claustrophobic. My own irritation/anxiety levels were rising and deep breathing and chocolate were not enough to bring them down.   I've put on 4 pounds in two weeks.  Always a bad sign!

So I've made a more concerted effort to connect with friends,  both of us drinking coffee and chatting over zoom or skype or facetime.  So many options! 

My gym closed two weeks ago today and I hadn't done any exercise other than walk the dog since then.  I always say in my readings that feelings are energy,  and if you are angry or irritated or worried,  that's also energy.  If you can't defuse it at the source (you can't always shout at your boss/mother/lover/financial worries/ pandemic) you should still try to get rid of it.  I suggest high energy exercise - kick boxing,  running,  zumba.  I can't kick box or run to save my life (or my knees) but I can dance.

So today I went through the internet and found that to create a good zumba class is no simple matter.   There were lots of them that just didn't work for me - too hard,  too easy,  too complicated,  didn't like the music. It's easy to give up.   But after half an hour and a few missteps,  I found a great zumba teacher that I really liked - Ines Araonos.   



So this morning is already better.  I'm sweaty and bouncy and can feel that irritated edgy feeling relax .   I think tomorrow I'll do a barre class.  

The Science of it all

This is a reprint of an old blog post I've written previously - but that was in 2013,  and I doubt any of you are going to go that far back into the archives,  so here it is again

The Science of it all

I had a reading with a young man recently and I started with my usual question – have you had a tarot reading before and he said over a hundred. Well, that’s a lot of readings!  He said that one of the reasons he went to so many psychics was that he was studying physics and was interested in the science of psychic phenomena.  So I gave him my blood transfusion example:

My prediction for psychic phenomena –

Let’s go back in history for a minute. People always saw blood and had theories about blood, but until much later than you would think (1900) they did not know about blood groups. The rudimentary tools for blood transfusion were around in the 1700’s and the first human to human transfusion was recorded in 1818.

When doctors first had the technology, they tried blood transfusions from strong animals to sick humans. (and why not, we eat and digest animals, there was no obvious reason why we wouldn’t be able to take their blood directly) but of course most of the humans died, and those transfusions were soon banned throughout Europe.  Then they tried transfusions from strong people to weak.  Unsurprisingly, most humans died, even after a transfusion, though more mysteriously for the doctors at the time, some did not, and in fact got better…  Because the doctors didn’t know about blood groups, they couldn’t make sense of their results.

There are many, repeated studies, showing that meditation (focused thought) has a real, measurable impact on blood pressure, heart attacks, anxiety (which seems like cheating, because that’s a mental issue to begin with, but it has physical symptoms which meditation can allay) What we think about these automatic systems in our body, can affect those normally unconscious processes.

So my prediction for the years 3010 – so grateful if someone could keep this alive in the internet for that long for me to be vindicated – my prediction is that there will be a strong and solid science for psychic phenomena, and they will have a reasonable explanation as to why sometimes studies worked and sometimes they didn’t.

Perhaps, like blood types, there are psychic groups, and some groups enhance each other and some negate each other and the types of people who become scientists fall more into the group A mental abilities, and the types of people who work on their psychic abilities are group B and Group A and Group B negate each other…

All of which brings me back to Tarot. The theory of Tarot is that while shuffling the cards, the person imbues their energy into them. That energy then affects which card goes where, and then when you read the cards, you see what is going on in that person’s energy.

Doesn’t sound like it makes too much sense, does it? And yet, time and again, I see it. I see people with money worries draw only money cards; people with relationship issues draw cards exactly about their particular relationship. A woman came and saw me and I said, your house card is in disarray and your lover’s card is upside down. And she said, she had just moved, because her husband had an affair and the divorce was just finalized. I promise you that I don’t say that to every person who comes for a reading!

Each time the cards fall into a different pattern, and that pattern reveals something true and real about what is going on in that person’s life. I don’t have the science to explain it, but then again, I don’t need it. I can see the reality in front of me

The Science of it all

I had a reading with a young man recently and I started with my usual question – have you had a tarot reading before and he said over a hundred. Well, that’s a lot of readings!  At the end of the reading he said that one of the reasons he went to so many psychics was that he was studying physics and was interested in the science of psychic phenomena.  So I gave him my blood transfusion example, and I realize that it’s in an old blog so I’m reprinting it here.  This is longer than my usual blog posts, so hang in there!

My prediction for psychic phenomena –

Let’s go back in history for a minute. People always saw blood and had theories about blood, but until much later than you would think (1900) they did not know about blood groups. The rudimentary tools for blood transfusion were around in the 1700’s and the first human to human transfusion was recorded in 1818.

When doctors first had the technology, they tried blood transfusions from strong animals to sick humans or from strong people to weak.  Unsurprisingly, most humans died, even after a transfusion, though more mysteriously for the doctors at the time, some did not, and in fact got better…  Because the doctors didn’t know about blood groups, they couldn’t make sense of their results. Indeed early transfusions were from animals to humans (and why not, we eat and digest animals, there was no obvious reason why we wouldn’t be able to take their blood directly) but of course most of the humans died, and those transfusions were soon banned throughout Europe.

So my prediction for the years 3010 – so grateful if someone could keep this alive in the internet for that long for me to be vindicated – my prediction is that there will be a strong and solid science for psychic phenomena, and they will have a reasonable explanation as to why sometimes studies worked and sometimes they didn’t.

Perhaps, like blood types, there are psychic groups, and some groups enhance each other and some negate each other and the types of people who become scientists fall more into the group A mental abilities, and the types of people who work on their psychic abilities are group B and Group A and Group B negate each other…

There have been studies on prayer and bacteria. I’m wary of the word prayer and would prefer a study of meditation or focused thoughts and bacteria. However, it has been shown that bacteria that is focused upon by human brains grow better. Yeast seeds focused upon grow better, Yeast seeds with negative thoughts, grew worse than the control group (yeast seeds which were ignored.) We get lost in the idea of prayer but I’m interested in what the human brain is doing here, what signals it is giving out, and how it is impacting on the world.

There are many, repeated studies, showing that meditation (focused thought) has a real, measurable impact on blood pressure, heart attacks, anxiety (which seems like cheating, because that’s a mental issue to begin with, but it has physical symptoms which meditation can allay) What we think about these automatic systems in our body, can affect those normally unconscious processes.

All of which brings me back to Tarot. The theory of Tarot is that while shuffling the cards, the person imbues their energy into them. That energy then affects which card goes where, and then when you read the cards, you see what is going on in that person’s energy.

Doesn’t sound like it makes too much sense, does it? And yet, time and again, I see it. I see people with money worries draw only money cards; people with relationship issues draw cards exactly about their particular relationship. A woman came and saw me and I said, your house card is in disarray and your lover’s card is upside down. And she said, she had just moved, because her husband had an affair and the divorce was just finalized. I promise you that I don’t say that to every person who comes for a reading! Each time the cards fall into a different pattern, and that pattern reveals something true and real about what is going on in that person’s life. I don’t have the science to explain it, but then again, I don’t need it. I can see the reality in front of me.

Was he unfaithful?

One question I find the tarot can always accurately answer is ‘ is s/he having an affair’ 

However recently I did a reading where a woman asked,  ‘did he sleep with other people while we were together?’ and she drew 

King pentacles / 9 of swords / 6 cups R / 4 cups. 

She felt he could have been a good boyfriend/ but also felt huge anxiety/ she needed to see the situation very clearly, without rose tinted glasses or being overly romantic/ and she was getting lost in her own thoughts.

That is not a clear answer and I was puzzled.  Usually the cards are really specific around this question.

6 of cups

 

So I asked more about the relationship.  Turned out her big fear was that he would be pressured by his family to have an arranged marriage.

Now I can understand the cards. They indicate that he did not sleep with anyone else while they were together, but he was emotionally unfaithful; he did let his family introduce him to other women.  There was no sex, but he did think about marrying them…   

The second I said that she nodded vigorously, that made complete sense to her.

4 of cups

Those cards, they are so subtle...