Self Help books (or videos)

I often encourage my readers to get self help books.  For a minimal cost, if you get just one sentence out of it,  it's a fabulous payoff. 

I watched a video (of course it's about Heated Rivalry,  but the topic is much broader than that) about facing your worst fears.

And the one sentence I took away is Self judgement doesn’t debate, it stamps a verdict.

And that is so true. I meet people for tarot readings and their self judgement so often puts them in a corner that they can't seem to find way out. And the cards are often so clear for them. And kinder to them than they are to themselves.

Self judgement feels like facts, like reality. If you can give yourself a bit of space from these core self judgements (eg I'm a loser, I always pick the wrong guys, I'm bad with money) you can start to see that they are not reality, and you can shift them. Hard work but so worth it!

Current favorite poem

 

Isn't that just perfect?  Poetry,  like a great song,  can just lift me to a different place.   By the wonderful Wendy Cope

Going in the wrong direction?

I had a conversation with a client the other day and it reminded me of an old post I had written some years ago.  I looked up that post,  The Universe Hates Me, and it was from 2012,  so I think I can repeat it now!

Sometimes we are really struggling to find something - a new job,  a new friendship,  a new anything,  and it feels like all the winds of chance are blowing against us.  It's uphill and difficult and successes are few and far between.  A real 10 of wands feeling. 

So one question we have to ask ourselves  is - are we walking in the right direction?  My 2012 article was about work - he hated work,  and it hated him back.  To me,  it was clear that he was in the wrong job,  and it was time to move on. 

With love,  sometimes people want an idealized figure to give them status,  or to make them feel better about themselves or fill something up inside them.  They are looking for something a loving relationship really isn't meant to give,  and so they can't find it.  All those young men who want a gorgeous,  submissive perfect woman,  without thinking about what a real relationship looks like,  well they don't find it.  And that's because they are looking in the wrong direction. 

Life,  fate,  karma,  whatever you call it,  has very strong lessons for us.  And if we don't listen the first time,  it comes back with reinforcements!  So if the wind is blowing really strongly against us,  is the wind wrong or maybe we should turn around and let the wind give us momentum. 

Want a cookie energy

Recently a client used a phrase I hadn't heard before and I just thought it was perfect.  She was complaining about her husband and said he just has this 'want a cookie' energy.  She caught my puzzled look and said,  every time he does anything,  just normal adult stuff,  like unload the dishwasher or move clothes into the dryer,  he acts like he should get a cookie/reward for it.  (paraphrasing,  but that's the gist of it)  She's tired of him wanting praise and cookies for just doing basic stuff,  while not giving the same back to her. 

That was a really good observation and one hard that's hard to fight. It's hard when things feel unbalanced.  Her 2 of cups was reversed  and the 5 of swords was hovering.  We had a serious talk and I recommended counselling. These feelings can so easily lead to contempt,  and contempt is the marriage killer. 

But I loved the phrase.  

Let yourself grow before falling in love

So often we look to love to rescue us,  but I do a lot of readings for younger women - just out of college,  just starting their twenties and I tell them that they are still growing and learning about themselves.  

I really wish younger women wouldn't throw so much of themselves into relationships,  and focus more on having a clear relationship with themselves.  And I have to say,  college graduates today are really more self aware than they were 20 years ago. 

People still want relationships,  but not at the cost of their friendships, their career paths,  their own life choices.  And that is as it should be.  You need to know yourself before you become part of pair.  Before you are 25,  no man should be more important to you than the relationship you are building within yourself.  

Do the work on you,  be clear on what you can or can't give,  what you will or won't accept,  and then the Lovers card can appear. 

Today's poetic words

I read this online,  these are not my words.  There was a thread on infidelity and someone wrote this:

May truth find you gently. May clarity reach you before confusion does. May your heart be protected from deception, and your dignity remain untouched by what was never yours to carry. And may whatever is revealed lead you not to pain, but to freedom, strength, and deeper self-respect.

Isn't that beautiful?  I wish it so,  especially on something as painful as infidelity. 

Eye of the Storm

When my life is going particularly crazy I say - it's my life as a telenovela,  in this week's segment they had to raise the ratings - so in the past month,  having never called an ambulance in my life,  I accompanied 2 family members to the hospital.  (one was clearly not sufficient drama)

Then last night my son wakes me from sleep to tell me he had a car accident.  So I'm wide awake and we sort things out.  This morning I am calling all these unfamiliar numbers for insurance and tow trucks. 

Then I get a call from an unfamiliar number and a voice recording says it's my credit card.  I've had 2 unusual expenditures on my account, one for $1000 on itunes and one for $1200 on another gift card.  If I want it go authorize it,  I should press 1,  but if I want to cancel it press 2.  So of course I press 2.  Then it tells me to go on hold,  and plays very pleasant classical music.  Then a man comes on the phone to discuss my credit card.  And suddenly I say,  I'm not comfortable doing this on the phone,  I'm going to go into my bank and talk to them.  And he says,  but you called me.  And I say,  no,  you called me.  And I hung up  and checked my bank account.  No such expenditures had been made.  It was a sophisticated scam.  

I was so frazzled by my family in hospital,  my son in an accident and then this phone call.  It would have been so easy to go with it.  I'm so grateful that I was able to just stop and think.  I actually initially did believe it was real,  but I have such distrust of technology,  that I needed to speak to a real person,  in a real storefront bank.  

So I'm slightly hysterical but so grateful that my son is fine and so is my bank security! I also feel that bad things come in threes (complete superstition,  I know, but it feels true) and that I've broken my current terrible run with not falling for this phone scam.