Freezing Your Eggs

The last post on fertility reminds me of a conversation I often have with women in their late 20's/early 30's.  I ask them if they have $10K to spare and they look at me warily,  is this the beginning of some complicated scam?  And then I talk about freezing their eggs.   It's just that I speak so many,  many women in their late thirties in panic mode around fertility. If they had their own eggs from years earlier,  they would have been so grateful. 

Having a child is one of the most profound and emotional decisions you'll ever make.  But wanting a child and not getting pregnant can be a heart rendering pain that women just don't expect. They spent all those years avoiding it and now it just doesn't happen?! Feels very unfair.  Freezing your eggs gives you some choice and ability to plan,  when everything else feels uncertain. 

The technology on egg freezing has gotten better over time.  But still about 50% of eggs don't work.  So if you get 15-20 eggs frozen,  you have a excellent chance of a thawed egg providing a child. 

Please do your own research,  but I've had lots of clients have good success with this.   I think of egg freezing as insurance - when you have it you often don't need it,  but if you need it,  you are so grateful to have it! 

Will I have a baby soon?

People have different strengths and weaknesses.  I'm not good at looking at future health issues,   they just don't sing out to me.   Except for fertility.  Because of my own,  long ago but long lasting,  fertility issues,  I'm super sensitive to it. I have received lots of feedback about being accurate.  (I tried for 7 years in the 1990's to have a baby,  and nothing happened.  Only when I gave up on treatment and on the possibility of motherhood, on the 8th year,  did I conceive,  naturally.)

So if you are trying to conceive,  or wondering about it,  drop me a line,  and we'll see if we can conjure up the beautiful Inner Child World card,  or the positive Empress card (who is often shown pregnant!)

Legion

I watched Legion with my son and I really think it's a disturbing work of genius.  Visually stunning and chaotic,  and Dan Stephens,  who frankly I didn't rate much in Downton Abbey,  was absolutely superb here. 

There is one snippet which I think explains some of the craziness I see going on today.  

They explain the contagion of bad ticks and ideas,  and the Nocebo effect (the opposite of placebo)  And it just explains how people can somehow catch hysteria from each other,  in ways that are not easy to fix.  

It's not just that they are watching too much strange news.  It's how they believe the news and how they then filter all information through this new weird lens.  People get so committed to their ideas that they will not notice if/when they are proven wrong. They won't adjust. They will just reshape the information they receive,  so that only information that verifies their beliefs make it through.  Those are dangerous notions.  If you can't verify your ideas or ignore facts that don't fit the theory you are doing bad science and boxing yourself into a belief system that will ultimately let you down,  badly. 

Gloria Steinem 1934 -2026

I just read that Gloria Steinem died today. She's been famous all my life,  striding forward and bringing us all along with her.  I've always admired her courage and her fortitude.  

Here are some of my favorite quotes of hers:- 

The truth will set you free,  but first it will piss you off.  Isn't that a truth! 

We are the women our parents warned us against, and we are proud.

We’ll never solve the feminization of power until we solve the masculinity of wealth. That's such a profound thought.  Until women own 50% of the world's wealth,  it will be very hard for us to get to 50% of the world's power. 

The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. That's such an important one.  We have so much to unlearn,  and in order to do that,  there has to be a great willingness to look at what we have been taught and examine it critically. 

I'm glad we had her and she will be sorely missed.  

Vale Gloria,  it was glorious to have you! 

Teenagers!

Had a few readings recently about teenage angst dominating the household.

I often refer to How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.  Looking it up now,  I realize it's over 20 years old!  But I've been leafing through it all that time and it has always felt helpful to me.  They have one for teens as well.

A client said she was reading Feeding the Mouth that Bites You,  and I just love that title!  With older teens especially,  it can definitely feel like those snapping jaws may hurt you! They also have a podcast 

I almost forgot one of my favorite books,  which is written for toddlers but actually can help spark some self awareness in teens, and they can talk to each other about it - TA for Tots.  It went out of print for a while and I was clinging to my old tired copy but then it came back and I bought a new one.  I think they also have a TA for kids.  It's easy to read and can give kids things to think about. 

Here's another book I read back in the day,  which I'm happy to recommend.  Just loved the title,  it so encapsulates the see-sawing energy between mother and teen! 

Teens acting out is a long known tradition,  but when it happens in your home,  it can feel both terrifying (real,  horrible life consequences) and isolating.  Try to avoid the perfect life social media and find some real messy life pages,  and you'll see that many people are trying to cope with this.  And read widely.  I always say,  even if you get just one sentence from a book,  that's a good ROI (return on investment)

Dolly

Some people really do shine in this world. 

Imagine you had had real,  unbelievable success in your chosen field.  You have made millions from it,  and had influenced everyone else in your field.  You had won every possible award.  Your voice had been heard by millions.

And when you die,  people barely mention that.  Instead everyone,  regardless of politics or age,  mourns your kindness,  your vivacity,  your heart.  They talk about your charity work,  your clever one liners,  your amazing energy.  

She really lived the truth that people don't always remember what you said,  but they will definitely remember how you made them feel.   She made us feel important,  she made us feel seen. 

Her memory is a blessing and we were blessed to know her. 

Rest in Power.

Kindness

Years ago,  when I was first thinking of getting a tattoo,  I decided that I would get the Jewel quote,  In the end,  only kindness matters.  Because,  actually,  when you get into the depths of it all,  that's what I believe.  It's a choice we make,  as a person,  as a culture.  And we don't hold it to high enough value.  In the end, only kindness matters.  

So much is luck,  and you never know which end of the stick you will be - and as long as the world is kind,  then it really doesn't matter,  you'll survive anyways.  But of course,  the world is not kind.  So we have to remind each other about kindness and it's essential importance.

Then I was clicking around youtube and some woman was reading poetry,  not well.  And I thought,  surely there are better readers out there!  So I randomly typed in Emma Thompson reading poetry,  because I just love her voice.  And I came across this:

And here is more to fundamentally agree with.  Didn't know the poet Naomi Shihab Nye,  but isn't this beautiful.  Let's sit with it for a while,  and breathe better...