How to keep House While Drowning

A client came to me and talked about how ashamed she feels about the state of her apartment.  And I was so pleased to be able to give her this excellent line - "shame is the enemy of functioning" which comes from the very kind and gentle book,  How to Keep House While Drowning, by KC Davis

We often moralize over things that overwhelm us - so not sticking to a diet,  not keeping a spotless home,  not going to the gym - these aren't matters of life choice and scheduling, but instead feel like moral failures of the worst kind. 

So I'm here to tell you that you are not an immoral person for not doing these things. But if there are things you really want to do,  and you are not doing them,  then perhaps instead of judging and being mean to yourself,  you look for support.  And yes,  sometimes support looks like going to a tarot reader.  And often support looks like taking a helpful book out of the library.  And then scaffolding yourself (great phrase learnt from my son's preschool!) to help support this new habit you want to establish. 

So read this book - or any other that takes your fancy.  Grab the one or two sentences that help you,  and let yourself do a small helpful thing once a day,  until the mountain shrinks back to a molehill,  and it all feels more manageable. 

Revisiting Anxiety

I have written about anxiety before,  but we are living in anxious, 9 of swords times  and could do with some reassurance. 

One of my main defences against anxiety is to name it outloud to myself - I am feeling anxious and I need to do something about it.  So what do I do?  There are many studies that show that going into nature - walks,  swimming,  gardens - can definitely help.  Putting your feet into sand or grass,  into the water's edge or earth,  that can help ground you. 

But sometimes nature is far away,  and sometimes getting dressed to go out into nature feels a bridge too far.  

I have found guided visualisations enormously helpful.  I've been recommending Belleruth Naparstek for years! And I'm still happy to recommend her. 

But lately I've been listening to Kenneth Soares,  who I found on Apple. I mentioned to him to a client recently and she excitedly said she listens to him too.  We both discussed how we can't place his accent (he's definitely not Australian,  as some have suggested!)  I said how I found his comments that I don't have to relax at this moment,  just gave me permission to relax;  whereas others telling me to take a deep breath and commanding me to relax just made me more tense! (I'm so contrary,  I know.)

I always stress to people that I find the ideas of guided meditations very helpful,  but many individual speakers don't work for me at all. If you don't like these recommendations,  don't feel bad.  There is a whole world of guided meditations out there.  Find one that you do like,  and that should help soothe you. 

Grief is like a wave

Grief is such an odd creature.  It just swoops in, at unexpected moments,  to wash over you. 

And I guess I just have to remind myself that I'm on the beach,  and grief is a wave that sweeps in and splashes me,  and then sweeps out again.  And the next wave may contain joy,  or serenity,  or more grief,  who knows...  but the beach is a healing space for me and I like waves.  

Maybe I can step back a bit and not get splashed so much,  but what's the sense in that.  I always want to be in the mix of life,  so I just let the water flow... 

A step back to normality

I did my first tarot reading since my husband died and it was good to talk about something other than me!  It was good to feel competent and professional once more. 

One thing I find difficult in my life right now is that people don't want to talk about their realities, because mine is so pressing. But all of our realities are important to us,  and I want to share in other people's life and stories.  I can't bear it being only about me,  it's both too heavy and too boring!  So I'm happy to hear about my friend's family weddings,  meet a new grandchild,  see the photos from the zoo.   And I'm happy to hear from clients too!  I love tarot readings and doing them makes me feel more normal. 

So if you are thinking of getting a reading,  drop me a line,  or whatsap / text me and let's see what we can work out... 

Liat

+61 0477 043 555

tribecatarotreader@gmail.com

All too real

My husband has been ill for many years now.  It was a slow progressive illness which kept branching off into new and terrible complications.

He died last Wednesday,  April 1st,  Erev Seder in the Jewish Calendar.

I veer between calm and sadness,  between acceptance and grief. 

Or all at the same time,  sadly calm,  acceptingly grief struck.  I cry a lot and then just as suddenly stop,  like a tap that doesn't know whether it's off or on. 

Just want the universe to know,  what a magical man he was,  and how sorry we all are to lose him.  He was much loved. 

His memory is a blessing for us.

Current favorite poem

I revisit this poem from time to time.  The first time I read it,  I was still menstruating and I kind of smiled at it.  But having reached menopause some years ago,  this poem grows stronger for me each passing year.   I think this is why we need poets to write about our own experiences.  Otherwise we just miss their amazing perspective and reframing of our lives... 

To my Last Period

by Lucille Clifton

well girl, goodbye,

after thirty-eight years

thirty-eight years and you

never arrived

splendid in your red dress

without trouble for me

somewhere, somehow

now it is done

and i feel just like

the grandmothers who, after the hussy has gone,

sit holding her photograph and sighing,

wasn't she beautiful?

wasn't she beautiful?

Adulting

Things just go in waves around me. I read something online and the next day someone talks about exactly the same thing in a reading. 

So this weeks theme is Adulting.  Who's good at it,  who isn't,  what does it even mean?

Online a person was upset that all their friends appeared to be moving forward career wise,  while they weren't.  During the reading my client didn't get into the MA course she really wanted,  while her friend got into hers.  

And I said that the old saying - Comparison is the thief of joy - is just so true!  Of course we don't know what else is going on in the other person's life,  but I like to mention Bob Fosse, who after winning both an Oscar (for Cabaret) and a Tony (for Pippin) in the same year (!) had a small nervous breakdown afterwards,  because who could ever follow that up again?  

So try not to let your own or other people's successes overwhelm you.  Try to  find joy in the small moments and let yourself breathe.  It's tough out there and contentment is a real gift you can give yourself.