New (to me) words

Around 2 years ago I started adding something new to my blog.  Not only thoughts about tarot,  but also thoughts about new (to me) ideas.  I made it a New Years resolution to read something new and perhaps unusual every month,  and then write it up, so we could share these ideas and new (to me) knowledge.  I've written about a variety of things - the Ruby Payne Chart, the Dunning-Kruger effect, Just in time vs Just in case - as well as others. I've enjoyed doing this and am continuing my learning journey. 

So todays thoughts are about the concepts telic and atelic. 

Telic activity is goal oriented,  atelic activity is for the moment,  with no goal necessary (also,  weirdly can mean revolting and disgusting - so activity with no goal becomes repulsive.  How's that for a twist!)  I walk to increase my step count (telic) I walk to wander in the woods (atelic).  My goal is to read 2 books a month (telic).  I just like to read  (atelic) 

If we become too goal oriented,  we lose sight of just being in the moment.  If we read 2 books but didn't like either of them,  what have we accomplished?  If we read one book over 2 months,  but we just love it,  is that enough?

Philosopher Kieran Setiya writes about the problem with telic activity,  especially as it pertains to aging. If you 'fail' at the goal (your walking/counting of steps didn't lead to weight loss) then the entire activity is a failure.  You have no satisfaction from the action,  only from the outcome.  Whereas atelic activities have no goal,  it's impossible to fail at them,  and you are doing them for the here and now.  I like walking,  I am walking,  walking is a pleasure for me.  No pressure and no purpose.   

It's akin to my problem with monetizing all our hobbies.  If you do something with no financial outcome - quilt,  make jewelry, write fanfic - people quite often will tell you you are wasting your time and should be out selling/marketing/promoting it to get ahead.  But all this goal oriented purpose driven activity can be crushing.  Let's just sit for a minute,  watch the birds,  see the fire crackle, walk the dog,  and let ourselves return to our bodies and get some peace. 

Job Interviews

I was reading a kerfuffle on line about people being judged for bringing iced coffee into job interviews.  Around 2004 I got a job in an office in New York. I had worked in recruitment in Sydney and part of my job was interviewing applicants.  I was surprised (not shocked, not offended but surprised) when candidates came in with their own water/coffee.  Not everyone,  but I would say at least a third of applicants did so. That would never have happened in interviews in Australia.  But I took it as a me issue,  me not being familiar with the New York norms.  And I guessed it was about self sufficiency.  We didn't have to offer them anything,  they were ready to go. 

Now people are saying that iced coffee is a no go.  The cups sweat,  they may leave marks on the furniture,  they make your hands cold and damp for the handshake,  you might forget it in the room and leave trash. In a tight market (which it certainly is for people I speak to in NYC) anything that is not a positive,  is a negative.  So if I notice and think about your coffee, or anything about you that isn't relevant to the job,  then you are standing out in the wrong way.  It's not about the coffee,  iced or not,  it's about what are you bringing into the room with you. 

I talk to applicants about having job interview outfits that are more conservative and bland,  because you don't want them thinking about your clothes,  you want them thinking about your thoughts.  I never wear skirts,  so I had a nice pair of black pants that I would wear to give presentations.  And a top that did not draw attention to my ample decolletage, because I did not want them to think about that either! Also,  I have a clean and easily accessible bag.  I don't want to have to hunt through it to get anything necessary out.  I want everything easily to hand. 

I remember going to a presentation where the woman who was in her 40's was standing in a very short skirt on the stage in front of us,  and when she sat down,  she had to wriggle several times to adjust herself.  That was not a good look. If you are going to sit higher than your audience,  you don't want a mishap!  

So it's not to squash your individuality,  or to make judgements about your beverages.  It's just you want to make an impression of how you will fit into the company,  and in the first instance,  it's better to err on the side of professionalism.  My suggestion - don't bring in the iced coffee. 

When the cards don't like your boyfriend

Had a regular and she came for 3 readings over 3 years and drew the same Devil card around her boyfriend,  who really wasn't very nice to her.  We had long discussions about it,  but the Devil has his charms and she stuck with it.

In our last reading,  she came and finally,  they were having a break.  So maybe,  finally she was over Daniel (not his real name) whom the cards never liked.

But what I find interesting is that she came to me and the cards had been shuffled by hundreds of people between readings,  or even a new deck had been introduced,  and she still drew the Devil card around him.  That's what convinces me that the tarot is real. 

Nowadays you are using your own deck*,  so I do recommend very thorough shuffling between readings,  to keep the energy clean.

* The way I read the cards,  the magic is in the shuffling.  So even when I do readings on line,  I need you to shuffle the cards.   I then talk you through the initial layout (Celtic cross,  pictured above) and we do the reading.  Without you doing the physical shuffling,  all I get is mud.  But with you shuffling,  I can read for you  no matter where you are in the world. 

Freezing Your Eggs

The last post on fertility reminds me of a conversation I often have with women in their late 20's/early 30's.  I ask them if they have $10K to spare and they look at me warily,  is this the beginning of some complicated scam?  And then I talk about freezing their eggs.   It's just that I speak so many,  many women in their late thirties in panic mode around fertility. If they had their own eggs from years earlier,  they would have been so grateful. 

Having a child is one of the most profound and emotional decisions you'll ever make.  But wanting a child and not getting pregnant can be a heart rendering pain that women just don't expect. They spent all those years avoiding it and now it just doesn't happen?! Feels very unfair.  Freezing your eggs gives you some choice and ability to plan,  when everything else feels uncertain. 

The technology on egg freezing has gotten better over time.  But still about 50% of eggs don't work.  So if you get 15-20 eggs frozen,  you have a excellent chance of a thawed egg providing a child. 

Please do your own research,  but I've had lots of clients have good success with this.   I think of egg freezing as insurance - when you have it you often don't need it,  but if you need it,  you are so grateful to have it! 

Will I have a baby soon?

People have different strengths and weaknesses.  I'm not good at looking at future health issues,   they just don't sing out to me.   Except for fertility.  Because of my own,  long ago but long lasting,  fertility issues,  I'm super sensitive to it. I have received lots of feedback about being accurate.  (I tried for 7 years in the 1990's to have a baby,  and nothing happened.  Only when I gave up on treatment and on the possibility of motherhood, on the 8th year,  did I conceive,  naturally.)

So if you are trying to conceive,  or wondering about it,  drop me a line,  and we'll see if we can conjure up the beautiful Inner Child World card,  or the positive Empress card (who is often shown pregnant!)

Legion

I watched Legion with my son and I really think it's a disturbing work of genius.  Visually stunning and chaotic,  and Dan Stephens,  who frankly I didn't rate much in Downton Abbey,  was absolutely superb here. 

There is one snippet which I think explains some of the craziness I see going on today.  

They explain the contagion of bad ticks and ideas,  and the Nocebo effect (the opposite of placebo)  And it just explains how people can somehow catch hysteria from each other,  in ways that are not easy to fix.  

It's not just that they are watching too much strange news.  It's how they believe the news and how they then filter all information through this new weird lens.  People get so committed to their ideas that they will not notice if/when they are proven wrong. They won't adjust. They will just reshape the information they receive,  so that only information that verifies their beliefs make it through.  Those are dangerous notions.  If you can't verify your ideas or ignore facts that don't fit the theory you are doing bad science and boxing yourself into a belief system that will ultimately let you down,  badly. 

Gloria Steinem 1934 -2026

I just read that Gloria Steinem died today. She's been famous all my life,  striding forward and bringing us all along with her.  I've always admired her courage and her fortitude.  

Here are some of my favorite quotes of hers:- 

The truth will set you free,  but first it will piss you off.  Isn't that a truth! 

We are the women our parents warned us against, and we are proud.

We’ll never solve the feminization of power until we solve the masculinity of wealth. That's such a profound thought.  Until women own 50% of the world's wealth,  it will be very hard for us to get to 50% of the world's power. 

The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. That's such an important one.  We have so much to unlearn,  and in order to do that,  there has to be a great willingness to look at what we have been taught and examine it critically. 

I'm glad we had her and she will be sorely missed.  

Vale Gloria,  it was glorious to have you!