Grief is like a wave

Grief is such an odd creature.  It just swoops in, at unexpected moments,  to wash over you. 

And I guess I just have to remind myself that I'm on the beach,  and grief is a wave that sweeps in and splashes me,  and then sweeps out again.  And the next wave may contain joy,  or serenity,  or more grief,  who knows...  but the beach is a healing space for me and I like waves.  

Maybe I can step back a bit and not get splashed so much,  but what's the sense in that.  I always want to be in the mix of life,  so I just let the water flow... 

A step back to normality

I did my first tarot reading since my husband died and it was good to talk about something other than me!  It was good to feel competent and professional once more. 

One thing I find difficult in my life right now is that people don't want to talk about their realities, because mine is so pressing. But all of our realities are important to us,  and I want to share in other people's life and stories.  I can't bear it being only about me,  it's both too heavy and too boring!  So I'm happy to hear about my friend's family weddings,  meet a new grandchild,  see the photos from the zoo.   And I'm happy to hear from clients too!  I love tarot readings and doing them makes me feel more normal. 

So if you are thinking of getting a reading,  drop me a line,  or whatsap / text me and let's see what we can work out... 

Liat

+61 0477 043 555

tribecatarotreader@gmail.com

All too real

My husband has been ill for many years now.  It was a slow progressive illness which kept branching off into new and terrible complications.

He died last Wednesday,  April 1st,  Erev Seder in the Jewish Calendar.

I veer between calm and sadness,  between acceptance and grief. 

Or all at the same time,  sadly calm,  acceptingly grief struck.  I cry a lot and then just as suddenly stop,  like a tap that doesn't know whether it's off or on. 

Just want the universe to know,  what a magical man he was,  and how sorry we all are to lose him.  He was much loved. 

His memory is a blessing for us.

Current favorite poem

I revisit this poem from time to time.  The first time I read it,  I was still menstruating and I kind of smiled at it.  But having reached menopause some years ago,  this poem grows stronger for me each passing year.   I think this is why we need poets to write about our own experiences.  Otherwise we just miss their amazing perspective and reframing of our lives... 

To my Last Period

by Lucille Clifton

well girl, goodbye,

after thirty-eight years

thirty-eight years and you

never arrived

splendid in your red dress

without trouble for me

somewhere, somehow

now it is done

and i feel just like

the grandmothers who, after the hussy has gone,

sit holding her photograph and sighing,

wasn't she beautiful?

wasn't she beautiful?

Adulting

Things just go in waves around me. I read something online and the next day someone talks about exactly the same thing in a reading. 

So this weeks theme is Adulting.  Who's good at it,  who isn't,  what does it even mean?

Online a person was upset that all their friends appeared to be moving forward career wise,  while they weren't.  During the reading my client didn't get into the MA course she really wanted,  while her friend got into hers.  

And I said that the old saying - Comparison is the thief of joy - is just so true!  Of course we don't know what else is going on in the other person's life,  but I like to mention Bob Fosse, who after winning both an Oscar (for Cabaret) and a Tony (for Pippin) in the same year (!) had a small nervous breakdown afterwards,  because who could ever follow that up again?  

So try not to let your own or other people's successes overwhelm you.  Try to  find joy in the small moments and let yourself breathe.  It's tough out there and contentment is a real gift you can give yourself. 

Self Help books (or videos)

I often encourage my readers to get self help books.  For a minimal cost, if you get just one sentence out of it,  it's a fabulous payoff. 

I watched a video (of course it's about Heated Rivalry,  but the topic is much broader than that) about facing your worst fears.

And the one sentence I took away is Self judgement doesn’t debate, it stamps a verdict.

And that is so true. I meet people for tarot readings and their self judgement so often puts them in a corner that they can't seem to find way out. And the cards are often so clear for them. And kinder to them than they are to themselves.

Self judgement feels like facts, like reality. If you can give yourself a bit of space from these core self judgements (eg I'm a loser, I always pick the wrong guys, I'm bad with money) you can start to see that they are not reality, and you can shift them. Hard work but so worth it!

Current favorite poem

 

Isn't that just perfect?  Poetry,  like a great song,  can just lift me to a different place.   By the wonderful Wendy Cope