FIRE vs FINE

How we spend our money says so much about us.  Are we generous to ourselves,  stingy to others?  Stingy to ourselves and others?  Buying others attention?  Spending more than we have? There are so many ways to live both within and outside of our means.

I've come across the FIRE system - Financial Independence,  Retire Early - quite a few times in my life.  Some of my clients have been fiercely dedicated to it.  Some have strained their marriages over it.  It's basically living way below your means and squirreling every spare penny away,  till you reach a magic number (different for every person) and then you can stop work and live very frugally on that.  

Conceptually it never worked for me.  I don't want to be that frugal and I didn't want to stop working at 40.  

But now a new acronym has emerged - FINE,  Financial Independence,  New Endeavor.  Which doesn't make you retire once you hit your personal magic number,  but allows/encourages you to shift to a new idea/endeavor.  This seems more appealing,  though you still have to be very frugal to get to your magic number, but once there, you embrace new ideas or doing part time work,  or lower paid but more emotionally satisfying work. 

I do think that for many of us,  living that much below our income implies that there is some fat in our income and that is far from always the case.   And getting your nails done once a month shouldn't be seen as a shameful luxury. 

So as with everything,  I advocate moderation.  Spend moderately,  but also save moderately.  Try to live within your means,  don't get the maximum mortgage,  see if you can find something cheaper a little further out,  give yourself some breathing room.  And take a holiday.  Holidays are joy. And if camping gives you joy,  go camping.  But if going to Paris gives you joy,  don't force yourself to camp and resent your choices. 

Another great tarot deck!

I've seen these cards around and even used a few of them in my blog posts,  but never saw a cohesive view of the deck before. 

It's called The unveiled tarot by Jesse Lonergam.  They are eye catching and so clever and I'm happy to share them here.  

I've said this before but I just love that there are so many new and interesting tarot decks around.  Each deck can give you a thoughtful new insight into familar cards.   I often give my client 'homework' to scour the net and find a version of an important card from the reading,  to keep close to them.  Because there are so many versions out there,  and some will definitely speak more clearly to you than others. 

Is he the one?

Did a reading a while ago for a girl from Brisbane.  She had a significant love affair but it didn't work.  It wasn't her fault, it wasn't his fault, but he had just opened a new business and all his energy was there and the timing was wrong.  I said to her that he was one of 200 men she could possibly meet and marry and maybe it did work in another time line,  but in this time line it didn't and she can't go back,  she needs to move on. She liked the alternate time line option, sometimes you really can see a future with someone but it just doesn't pan out... 

Now she is seeing a man 14 years her senior.  It won't go anywhere,  he's the Emperor, not flexible enough for her,  but the sex is great,  she drew the Queen of Wands.  She laughed and agreed. She's leaving Sydney at the end of the year and she's going to keep on seeing him,  because there's no point trying for something deeper when she knows she's moving.

Sometimes they are not the one,  and both parties know it,  but they are certainly good enough to be the one for right now,  and as long as everyone knows that's the plan (he knows she plans to move to Melbourne for work in 2027) then a very good time can be had in the meantime. 

Grief poems

I've been so sad lately,  and it's hard to know what to do with all that feeling.  I am being good - seeing friends,  going to the gym,  talking to a therapist,  talking to family,  talking to strangers.

And I have good moments,  or even good days.  But then the sadness rushes in again,  like it's apologizing for leaving me for a minute,  and settles in,  and then pulls out again,  like the tide. 

I came across the simple,  beautiful poetry of Sara Rian.  And she makes me weep,  but she's so alive in her depictions of grief.  I cry reading her works,  but I agree with everything she says,  and that helps.

The journey and the destination

I remember talking about this when I was an addiction counsellor.  If you are driving somewhere and miss your turnoff (or turn off too early) you don't go all the way home and start over again.  You get to the next ramp and start from there.  If you fall off your goal,  you're not a zero,  you are at 100 days minus one - you are at 99 days and then start counting.  

It felt much kinder and also truer,  to do that rather than rachet you back to zero.  

And life is so much about the journey,  rather than just reaching an arbitrary destination. So if it took you 370 days to get to a year's sobriety,  then take those extra days,  those wrong turns,  and try not to do that again. But don't put yourself back at day 0.  You are so much further ahead than that! 

Wishing us all well,  on all of our journeys... 

Today's Poem

Today's poem is by Khalil Gibran and a fragment from his longer piece,  On Houses,  in his book,  The Prophet.  

what have you in these houses? 

And what is it you guard with fastened doors?

Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power?

Have you rememberances, the glimmering arches that span the summits of the mind?

Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned of wood and stone to the holy mountain?

Tell me, have you these in your houses?

Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, and then a master?

Actions speak louder

I have lots of regular clients.  I've been seeing one woman every year or so,  she comes in July around her birthday.  This reading was her 10th.  So I've seen her through quite a few dates and some longer term boyfriends and now she is living with a man she met two years ago. 

She said I was the first person who told her that "if he wanted to,  he would."  She and her friends would analyze each and every comment a guy made,  and then she met me and in our very first reading,  that's what I said to her, and that's why she's been coming back. 

Cards read energy,  but energy without action is just air.  I really do judge on actions - words are easy,  but actions require thought and commitment.  And desire.  If he wanted to, he would. 

Her current beau shows up, makes plans,  follows through.  He wants to, and he does.  The cards show he's a keeper,  and she's very happy, and I'm happy to be with her during this reading!