Dreams

I've lived in London and New York.  Last night I dreamt that I was in midtown,  NYC,  and trying to get back down to Tribeca but I was walking through all these weird neighborhoods and couldn't figure out where I was.  In the dream I realized I was in Bond St and didn't know where that was in relation to Tribeca.  I was becoming increasingly agitated,  and then tried texting my husband to ask him the name of our hotel, so I could give up on walking and just cab there,  and then I remembered he was dead. 

That jolted me so much,  I woke up.  And awake,  I said to myself,  you were in London, silly,  that's why you couldn't find Tribeca.  Then I was asleep again,  and still looking to get to Tribeca while in the middle of London,  and still confused and very upset that my husband couldn't help me anymore.

Then I woke up again,  fully this time.  There's nothing wrong with being in London,  it's a fab city.  But if you are searching for New York landmarks,  you won't find them in London.  Widowhood is so disorienting,  all the familiar landmarks gone,  and the person you used to text for help and advice,  well, you can't reach him anymore.  

I guess I just have to accept that I can't go back to the past,  I have to make my way forward.  But I do so miss him.  I'm grateful that I have someone to miss, that we had such a good life together.  I also feel for dream me, lost in the wrong city,  unable to sort myself out.  Luckily awake me can see things a bit more clearly... 

saw this on line and it made me smile

 

We need more Women In STEM 

Sorcery

Tarot

Energy

Magic

Good fields to be in... 

My current favorite tarot deck

I frequently look at Tarot cards,  to find new variants,  to see if a new image will spark a deeper interpretation. 

And I just came across the marvellously named Fat Folks Tarot.  And it's true that tarot cards rarely have less than perfect figures on them,  unless they are trying to say something specific.  So it's great to see all the cards have these plump interesting figures in them,  and give us fat folk some representation. 

The Deck has a variety of artists who worked on them,  so they can look quite different.  Look them up on Instagram and see some of their variations. 

I particularly liked their version of the 5 of pentacles,  which shows such a beautiful and true way of feeling excluded and out in the cold... 

4 of pentacles vs 9 of Cups

I'm finding I'm explaining these 2 cards,  the 4 of pentacles and the 9 of cups,  again and again to people lately. I really feel we are living in a world exploiting our feelings of not enoughness,  feeding our dissatisfactions, wanting our envy.

I came across this anecdote:  At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have … the knowledge that I have enough."

And it seems to me that the super rich right now have no idea what enough looks like.  And the world of instagram and trad wives and holidays abroad are all about needing more, exploiting the feeling of the 4 of pentacles,  where our financial needs and wants hang over us. We feel tight for money,  tight for time,  tight. 

And what we want,  what we should all be striving for is the 9 of cups,  the card I call the fat and happy card,  where you don't have everything,  but you have that most special of all things,  enough.  You are content with what you have.  There may be a cup or two missing,  but you don't let that spoil the cups that you have.  You let yourself have joy with what comes your way,  and let yourself be rich in the ways of Joseph Heller,  and know that you have enough.

That's my blessing to all of us,  may we know the value of what we have,  and let us feel contentment. 

saying of the week

Sometimes someone says something to me in passing during a reading,  and I have to stop them and repeat it so both of us could hear it properly,  and I know I will be saying it to others. 

I spoke with a young woman recently and she quoted to me something her mother often says - Just because you could be doing more, doesn’t mean you’re not doing enough - and I thought, what a wise,  wise mother!

Let's just sit with that for a moment.  We could always being doing more in this culture,  but here is a breath of calm wisdom - just because we could be doing more,  doing mean that we are doing isn't enough.  It's a version of my oft quoted don't let the perfect get in the way of the good,  but it's another way of looking at it and it unlocked something in me to hear it,  so I'm sharing it with you... 

Modern Wedding Vows

I never wanted to write my own vows.  We had a traditional wedding and I don't think either of us said very much.  But the weddings I am going to now are much more eclectic. I think there's a power in the traditional words, but then I came across this one:

You cannot possess me for I belong to myself.

But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give.

You cannot command me, for I am a free person.

But I shall serve you in those ways you require,

And the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.

I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night,

And the eyes into which I smile in the morning.

I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup.

I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care.

I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine.

I shall not slander you, nor you me.

I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall do so in

Private and tell no strangers our grievances.

This is my wedding vow to you

This is the marriage of equals.

By Morgan Llywelyn

Isn't that amazing!  That sounds like a relationship worth celebrating! I'd love to go to a wedding where they said those vows. 

All my readings are virtual

I lived in NYC for 15 years.  I moved to Sydney but my old clients kept wanting readings. What could I do?

For me,  the substance of the tarot reading is the cards that you draw,  from a deck that you have shuffled.  I cannot shuffle for you.  I've tried,  but I can't get clear readings from it.

So how was I to do my readings from across the ocean?  I asked my regulars to get their hands on a tarot deck - it didn't matter which one,  as long at it was a full 78 cards (some of the fancier ones have fewer cards and I can't make sense of them either.)  But if you are buying one specifically,  I recommend the Rider Waite Smith Radiant.  It's pretty and easy to read.  Then,  they could shuffle and do the first layout.  And I could do the rest. 

So now most of my clients are in the US,  though I have done readings for people in Europe and elsewhere as well.  You get to sit in the quiet and comfort of your own home,  and you get to the shuffle the cards.

We start with the Celtic Cross Layout

And then I can answer 3-4 questions depending on how fast we talk!

I also recommend that people record these readings. If you don't want it, then you can just delete it,  but if you do want it,  I can't always recall the exact sentence I said to you.  I've had people who never listen, and people who've relistened so often that I can hear my own phrases when they talk to me.  Either way is good, what works for you is what matters.