Teenagers!

Had a few readings recently about teenage angst dominating the household.

I often refer to How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.  Looking it up now,  I realize it's over 20 years old!  But I've been leafing through it all that time and it has always felt helpful to me.  They have one for teens as well.

A client said she was reading Feeding the Mouth that Bites You,  and I just love that title!  With older teens especially,  it can definitely feel like those snapping jaws may hurt you! They also have a podcast 

I almost forgot one of my favorite books,  which is written for toddlers but actually can help spark some self awareness in teens, and they can talk to each other about it - TA for Tots.  It went out of print for a while and I was clinging to my old tired copy but then it came back and I bought a new one.  I think they also have a TA for kids.  It's easy to read and can give kids things to think about. 

Teens acting out is a long known tradition,  but when it happens in your home,  it can feel both terrifying (real,  horrible life consequences) and isolating.  Try to avoid the perfect life social media and find some real messy life pages,  and you'll see that many people are trying to cope with this.  And read widely.  I always say,  even if you get just one sentence from a book,  that's a good ROI (return on investment)

Dolly

Some people really do shine in this world. 

Imagine you had had real,  unbelievable success in your chosen field.  You have made millions from it,  and had influenced everyone else in your field.  You had won every possible award.  Your voice had been heard by millions.

And when you die,  people barely mention that.  Instead everyone,  regardless of politics or age,  mourns your kindness,  your vivacity,  your heart.  They talk about your charity work,  your clever one liners,  your amazing energy.  

She really lived the truth that people don't always remember what you said,  but they will definitely remember how you made them feel.   She made us feel important,  she made us feel seen. 

Her memory is a blessing and we were blessed to know her. 

Rest in Power.

Kindness

Years ago,  when I was first thinking of getting a tattoo,  I decided that I would get the Jewel quote,  In the end,  only kindness matters.  Because,  actually,  when you get into the depths of it all,  that's what I believe.  It's a choice we make,  as a person,  as a culture.  And we don't hold it to high enough value.  In the end, only kindness matters.  

So much is luck,  and you never know which end of the stick you will be - and as long as the world is kind,  then it really doesn't matter,  you'll survive anyways.  But of course,  the world is not kind.  So we have to remind each other about kindness and it's essential importance.

Then I was clicking around youtube and some woman was reading poetry,  not well.  And I thought,  surely there are better readers out there!  So I randomly typed in Emma Thompson reading poetry,  because I just love her voice.  And I came across this:

And here is more to fundamentally agree with.  Didn't know the poet Naomi Shihab Nye,  but isn't this beautiful.  Let's sit with it for a while,  and breathe better... 

Skinship

I came across the term skinship recently,  and I really love it.  It's a portmanteau word connecting skin and kinship,  ie non sexual touching. Touching for connection or comfort.  Like holding hands or hugging or just sitting very close and feeling the other person beside you - like you would with kin.  

As a culture,  we've become obsessed with sexual touch and are losing other forms of touch.  I often think about men who come on so strong sexually,  wondering if they have just touched someone recently, in a non sexual way,  or if they only way they get connection is through sex,  and how limiting that can be.

Women often easily hug each other,  touch each other for comfort,  hold babies,  hold animals.  We're allowed to and encouraged to,  it's seen as feminine. 

Men are allowed to slap each other on the back, or yell and jump at each other when their team wins,  but aren't encouraged to have quieter skin connections.  

I think if you aren't allowed to touch anyone, you develop a skin hunger. I used to encourage people to go and have massages if they don't get touch from people often,  to just affirm their humanity and feel the comfort of a non sexual touch.   Pets are an amazing resource for this. 

FIRE vs FINE

How we spend our money says so much about us.  Are we generous to ourselves,  stingy to others?  Stingy to ourselves and others?  Buying others attention?  Spending more than we have? There are so many ways to live both within and outside of our means.

I've come across the FIRE system - Financial Independence,  Retire Early - quite a few times in my life.  Some of my clients have been fiercely dedicated to it.  Some have strained their marriages over it.  It's basically living way below your means and squirreling every spare penny away,  till you reach a magic number (different for every person) and then you can stop work and live very frugally on that.  

Conceptually it never worked for me.  I don't want to be that frugal and I didn't want to stop working at 40.  

But now a new acronym has emerged - FINE,  Financial Independence,  New Endeavor.  Which doesn't make you retire once you hit your personal magic number,  but allows/encourages you to shift to a new idea/endeavor.  This seems more appealing,  though you still have to be very frugal to get to your magic number, but once there, you embrace new ideas or doing part time work,  or lower paid but more emotionally satisfying work. 

I do think that for many of us,  living that much below our income implies that there is some fat in our income and that is far from always the case.   And getting your nails done once a month shouldn't be seen as a shameful luxury. 

So as with everything,  I advocate moderation.  Spend moderately,  but also save moderately.  Try to live within your means,  don't get the maximum mortgage,  see if you can find something cheaper a little further out,  give yourself some breathing room.  And take a holiday.  Holidays are joy. And if camping gives you joy,  go camping.  But if going to Paris gives you joy,  don't force yourself to camp and resent your choices. 

Another great tarot deck!

I've seen these cards around and even used a few of them in my blog posts,  but never saw a cohesive view of the deck before. 

It's called The unveiled tarot by Jesse Lonergam.  They are eye catching and so clever and I'm happy to share them here.  

I've said this before but I just love that there are so many new and interesting tarot decks around.  Each deck can give you a thoughtful new insight into familar cards.   I often give my client 'homework' to scour the net and find a version of an important card from the reading,  to keep close to them.  Because there are so many versions out there,  and some will definitely speak more clearly to you than others. 

Is he the one?

Did a reading a while ago for a girl from Brisbane.  She had a significant love affair but it didn't work.  It wasn't her fault, it wasn't his fault, but he had just opened a new business and all his energy was there and the timing was wrong.  I said to her that he was one of 200 men she could possibly meet and marry and maybe it did work in another time line,  but in this time line it didn't and she can't go back,  she needs to move on. She liked the alternate time line option, sometimes you really can see a future with someone but it just doesn't pan out... 

Now she is seeing a man 14 years her senior.  It won't go anywhere,  he's the Emperor, not flexible enough for her,  but the sex is great,  she drew the Queen of Wands.  She laughed and agreed. She's leaving Sydney at the end of the year and she's going to keep on seeing him,  because there's no point trying for something deeper when she knows she's moving.

Sometimes they are not the one,  and both parties know it,  but they are certainly good enough to be the one for right now,  and as long as everyone knows that's the plan (he knows she plans to move to Melbourne for work in 2027) then a very good time can be had in the meantime.