Is Meritocracy a trap?

2024's new year's resolution was to read/view something interesting and new to me at least once a month,  and just think about it for a while.  Since then I've been putting up all sorts of weird pieces about cultural phenomena that I am reading about. 

This year,  2026,  I'm going to keep this going,  as I enjoyed the many conversations I had both with clients and friends about my reading adventures. 

Starting here with the idea of a meritocracy.  Raising a child in NYC,  meritocracy is a topic close to many a parents' heart. Middle school selection/choice,  high school and then omg,  College selection.  You could talk for months about it!  And all sorts of weird quirks came out, as parents stressed about getting their children the best leg up. 

Here's a really interesting conversation between Eliza Filby and Daniel Markovits about what is happening to the middle class as the wealthy get much wealthier and everyone else does not... They are articulating thoughts I've had myself and gave me a lot of clarity.  I also fell down a rabbit hole and listened to even more interviews with Daniel Markovits,  who is a genuinely interesting thinker. 

Just Give me a Sign

Poor woman.  She came to me for a reading,  and the cards just hated the man she had recently started dating exclusively.  She drew The Devil,  Judgment reversed,  10 of swords. 

So we spoke for a long time about him and her feelings and how she wants it to work.  The cards were really clear,  and they did not see it working. 

And just before we ended,  she said to me that her friends don't like him and her therapist doesn't like him but she wanted to speak to a psychic,  and now I didn't like him (I don't know him! I just told her what the cards told me.)  She feels we are all being unsupportive and she is going to keep seeing him,  anyways. 

I felt like I was watching Steve Martin,  the The Man with Two Brains

She's getting all the signs,  she just doesn't want to hear them! I finally told her to come back in 6 months,  and we'll see where she is from there.  I know she is going to be disappointed in him,  but me knowing,  and her believing are two different things... 

My Tarot Beginnings

I've had a few new clients lately who have asked me how I got into tarot.  

So when I was a young teen,  I would play cards with my grandmother,  and after a bit,  I could shuffle like a card shark, the cards just sliding through my fingers.  One of her friends said I had an affinity for the cards and should learn tarot.  

And what teenage girl doesn't want to have magical insight?  So I went off and bought the first deck I could find - a Rider Waite Smith pack,  and with the little paper booklet,  started looking at the cards.  It felt overwhelming,  but it's really only 78 cards and after a while they became more familiar. 

I stumbled across  - The 78 degrees of Wisdom,  by Rachel Pollack. She has such a deep and intuitive understanding of the tarot,  and I learnt a lot from her!  I was very sad to hear of her passing in 2023.

I bought other books and many other decks,  but really it was Rachel's understanding that underpinned my own knowledge of the tarot. 

I soon realized that it was one thing to have a deep understanding of one card,  but it was another entirely to see it alongside other cards - like knowing one musical note,  and then hearing an orchestra,  each new note bringing a different depth to the sound.  So it's not enough to know the 78 cards,  it's seeing how they lie next to each other,  how many of each suit,  what suit is missing,  all major arcana,  or all minor cards,  each has a different meaning depending on its context within the reading. 

And once I understood that,  my readings really took off.  I became far more accurate,  far more insightful. 

I've been reading cards for decades now (this blog was started in 2009 and I was an experienced reader then!) And I always start with the Celtic Cross,  which is a layout that just speaks to me.  And having seen thousands of them over the years,  I still get unfamiliar variations which jolt me,  or see the same cards coming to regular clients,  even with years between readings.  One client always drew the Queen of Wands for herself,  and in all our readings together,  that Queen always appeared.  

So if you want to explore the cards more,  I recommend around here, on this blog,  as well as Rachel's book,  and wish you a grand adventure.  One caveat - I can never read for myself.  I shuffle and look for me and all I get is mud.  So if you find you can't read for yourself,  don't worry.  It's like looking in the mirror.  You need a bit of distance to get clarity,  and it's very hard to look at ourselves that clearly. 

Heated Rivalry and the Corrective Experience

Okay,  okay,  I'm completely watching Heated Rivalry.  In my viewing experience I just found it delightful but also weirdly healing and I was looking for words to explain it and I came across Esther Perel talking about it

I just loved how she explains how every terrifying/bad experience in the show, turns out to have the best possible outcome.   How there are no bad consequences but instead each is met with a corrective experience.  And that was such a beautiful explanation,  and it really spoke to me. 

It's what we so want,  when life gives us pain,  that it will also heal us.  And it's a lovely explanation as to why the show resonates with people so much.  It's so hopeful (and hot) and sweet (and hot.) 

If you haven't seen it,  it's very explicit,  but also very romantic and fun.  Perfect antidote for the way the outside world is behaving right now. 

Weird Habits

I was reading on threads about weird personal habits and one person said they like  showering in the dark.  My shower has no window,  so I shower by candle light.  I find it really soothing.  I have a friend who showers to classical music.  I think adding a bit of luxury to something you do every day is a gift to yourself.  Also,  it reminds me of this beautiful version of the High Priestess.   So give yourself a bit of High Priestess energy,  and do something small and luxurious,  just for you... 

Current Favorite Poem

At lunch today a friend told me that she was reading the poetry of Erica Jong.  And straight away, not having read any of her works for years,  I said the one about housework? 

Here it is,  in case you haven't read it:

Woman Enough

Because my grandmother’s hours

were apple cakes baking,

& dust motes gathering,

& linens yellowing

& seams and hems

inevitably unraveling

I almost never keep house

though really I like houses

& wish I had a clean one.

 

Because my mother’s minutes

were sucked into the roar

of the vacuum cleaner,

because she waltzed with the washer-dryer

& tore her hair waiting for repairmen

I send out my laundry,

& live in a dusty house,

though really I like clean houses

as well as anyone.

 

I am woman enough

to love the kneading of bread

as much as the feel

of typewriter keys

under my fingers

springy, springy.

& the smell of clean laundry

& simmering soup

are almost as dear to me

as the smell of paper and ink.

 

I wish there were not a choice;

I wish I could be two women.

I wish the days could be longer.

But they are short.

So I write while

the dust piles up.

 

I sit at my typewriter

remembering my grandmother

& all my mothers,

& the minutes they lost

loving houses better than themselves

& the man I love cleans up the kitchen

grumbling only a little

because he knows

that after all these centuries

it is easier for him

than for me.

Just in Time vs Just in Case

Just in Time (JIT) and Just in Case (JIC) are phrases used in logistics,  especially for manufacturing. JIT wants the products to arrive just in time,  as needed,  meaning less costs for storage and more streamlining.   JIC,  wants the products sitting there waiting,  just in case of need,  where you pay more because you have them longer before using them,  but you have built in protection if something goes wrong. 

I am so a Just in Case kind of gal.  I think all mothers are - you take an extra change of clothing - just in case it's needed.  Yes your carry bag is bigger,  but you are relaxed and carefree because even if there is a huge unexpected throw-up,  you're covered.

It also worked for me really well during Covid,  because I actually did have 2 of those enormous packs of toilet paper hiding the in the cupboard (they are so much cheaper when you buy them that way, and they can't go off,  why not have two lots of 48 toilet rolls?) 

My pantry is full of weird jars and cans,  but it means we never run out of staples and can bake a hummingbird cake any day of the week (oil based rather than butter,  so you really can make it solely from pantry products.)

I don't think one is better than the other, though the logistics world is definitely selling Just In Time as the savvier option. I think one may suit your personality more than the other.  I couldn't force myself to be a just in time person,  I would be stressed and anxious.  And I don't mind over packing (I had friends tell me with great pride that they flew to Europe for 2 weeks with only carry on luggage,  and I just thought - why,  why was that even a goal?) 

So using that other great phrase - your mileage may vary (ymmv) let yourself work within the system that suits you best!