Tuesday, August 20, 2024

Your Brain Under Pressure


Sometimes things build to a crescendo in our lives,  the list is too long,  the noise is too loud,  and we can't get it done.  

If the pressure is too much,  I can literally feel my brain fill with fog,  and I find it hard to think.  I really advocate taking a moment for a time out,  just to give your brain a chance to reset.  


My go to is the beach - I go to Maroubra and watch the waves crash and catch my breath. 

Of course,  if you are in NYC,  there are fewer waves to watch,  but find your corner,  whether walking by the river,  or watching the dogs at the dog park,  where you can just let go for a minute and let yourself reset.   It can make such a difference... You can always try these places





Tuesday, August 13, 2024

David Whyte, poet

 A friend recently introduced me to a new (to me) poet.

I really loved this one:


Sweet darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.


From The house of Belonging,  poems by David Whyte


Wednesday, August 7, 2024

Boy Sober

Read this article in the Washington Post about going 'boy sober'.   Such an interesting and I thought hopeful spin.  Celibate as a word and a concept  has odd overtones,  and even Incels (short for involuntary celibate) don't want it.  But sometimes,  taking a pause from relationships to see where you are,  what you are doing in the mix,  can be so helpful. Help you get clean and clear. 


So if you feel you are getting addicted/drunk on relationships/drama, or that dating is toxic at the moment,  maybe think about a period of being boy sober,  see what comes out of that... 

Thursday, August 1, 2024

There's a Hole in my Sidewalk

I was reminded of this poem during a recent reading.  I've been reading it for over 20 years now.  It still really speaks to me.  



Chapter I
I walk down the street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I fall in.
          I am lost ... I am helpless.
            It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I pretend I don't see it.
         I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
                But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I see it is there.
         I still fall in ... it's a habit.
            My eyes are open.
               I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

Portia Nelson, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

Just looked this up and it was written in 1988.  Still resonates,  like the note of a clear bell...  Such a relief when you start walking down another street! 




Sunday, July 28, 2024

Olympics


I used to love watching the Olympics,  the spectacle of it all,  the astounding efforts.  And then one day, a friend said,  we're not even giving a minute to the guy who came 9th,  best in his country,  9th in the world,  and he's not even on our radar.  

Then I started to look at the Olympics differently.  There are always the heartwarming stories,  but there is a bigger message about the cost of perfection.  The sheer courage it takes to see where you stand in the world - anyone ever measure the best lawyer in the country?  How would we measure the best doctor? in the entire world?  Sports is wonderful because you can quantify it - they ran this fast and now someone ran .1 seconds faster and they are now better.  


But as someone who frequently tells people,  you are good enough,  don't let the perfect get in the way of the good... I think this person just ran faster than you and I could imagine, and surely is fast enough. Why are we pushing these fine folk to ever higher heights/endeavors.  Let's not pretend that this doesn't damage their bodies long term.   


I far prefer Olympics to war,  and countries want to strut their stuff and increase their world stature via sport,  I say go for it.  But on a personal level,  I want to give them all a hug and tell them they are wonderful,  and to enjoy the sheer thrill of being there,  and not to let those tiny medals be the way they measure their souls. 

Saturday, July 20, 2024

Such a powerful song!



One, two, three
Why are you hanging on so tightTo the rope that I'm hanging from?Off this island, this was an escape plan (this was an escape plan)Carefully timed it, so let me goAnd dive into the waves below
Who tends the orchards? Who fixes up the gables?Emotional torture from the head of your high tableWho fetches the water from the rocky mountain spring?And walk back down again to feel your words and their sharp stingAnd I'm getting fucking tired
The capillaries in my eyes are burstingIf our love died, would that be the worst thing?For somebody I thought was my saviourYou sure make me do a whole lot of labour
The calloused skin on my hands is crackingIf our love ended, would that be a bad thing?And the silence haunts our bed chamberYou make me do too much labourYou make me do too much labour
Apologies from my tongue, and never yoursBusy lapping from flowing cup and stabbing with your forkI know you're a smart man (I know you're a smart man), and weaponiseThe false incompetence, it's dominance under a guise
If we had a daughter, I'd watch and could not save herThe emotional torture, from the head of your high tableShe'd do what you taught her, she'd meet the same cruel fateSo now I've gotta run, so I can undo this mistakeAt least I've gotta try
The capillaries in my eyes are burstingIf our love died, would that be the worst thing?For somebody I thought was my saviourYou sure make me do a whole lot of labour
The calloused skin on my hands is crackingIf our love ends, would that be a bad thing?And the silence haunts our bed chamberYou make me do too much labour
All day, every day, therapist, mother, maidNymph then a virgin, nurse then a servantJust an appendage, live to attend himSo that he never lifts a finger24∕7, baby machineSo he can live out his picket fence dreamsIt's not an act of love if you make herYou make me do too much labour
All day, every day, therapist, mother, maidNymph then virgin, nurse and a servantJust an appendage, live to attend himSo that he never lifts a finger24∕7, baby machineSo he can live out his picket fence dreamsIt's not an act of love if you make herYou make me do too much labour
The capillaries in my eyes (all day, every day)Are bursting (therapist, mother, maid)If our love died (nymph then virgin)Would that be the worst thing? (Nurse then a servant)For somebody (just an appendage)I thought was my saviour (live to attend him)You sure make me do (so that)A whole lot of labour (he never lifts a finger)

The calloused skin on my hands (24∕7)Is cracking (baby machine)If our love ends (so he can live out)Would that be a bad thing? (His picket fence dreams)And the silence (it's not an act of love)Haunts our bed chamber (if you make her)You make me do too much labour


I've been playing this all weekend.  It's an amazing song,  made better by the chilling video.  I just love the lyrics and the rage behind them.  You make me do too much labour indeed! 

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Change is coming

 


Often people come to tarot readings to preempt change.  Or to try to control it.  Change is like an ocean wave,  surf it or swim under,  but you can't control it.  However knowing the wave is coming (it's always coming) and how big it is,  can help us prepare. Do we duck under or crest above?  Can we paddle before it? Often we can!  

But change is always coming... that's life.