Managing Expectations

 I really feel one of the secrets to contentment in life is found in managing expectations. 

Sometimes people come to new situations and expect X, but are met with J.  Coming to terms with it,  allowing yourself to be in this different situation - all that determines how you will feel about it.  Sometimes I feel  that if I keep my expectations low,  I can always be satisfied and sometimes delighted.  I get a bit wary if I find I'm expecting something to be really amazing,  because I know if it's not,  I'll be disappointed. 

I had a reading around a wedding recently that reminded me of this.   A really pretty woman in her late twenties had fantasized about her perfect day for years and everything had to be insta-perfect.  Which is both exhausting and disappointing,  as good friends/bridesmaids were not being as supportive/engaged as she would have liked,  and even her fiancé was drawing away from her planning.  

So we spoke about the perfect getting in the way of the good, but the cards were much more ruthless.  I looked at her as she drew the 8 of swords/6 of cups/ 2 swords and said,  you feel trapped and isolated,  but there is a way out.  But you have to look clearly,  and not be nostalgic or childlike,  you  have to look at it like an adult.  If you don't you will feel even more isolated and defensive.  And she was in tears for both things - that she wasn't going to get the wedding of her dreams,  and that friends were letting her down.   

She was expecting too much of them and of herself.  She wasn't happy with my reading but the situation was not going to go her way through sheer will power, the cards were clear on that. 

I can only hope she took some of the reading on board,  and give herself a beautiful and meaningful, but not perfect,  day. 

Remember the Golden Rule

Recently,  in  quite a few of my readings,  people have complained about how unreliable other people are becoming.  Not necessarily just on dates,  but also friends, family, adult children - everyone seems to be hedging their options, saying yes and changing it to maybe,  or just ghosting arrangements. 

Covid has had many strange after affects, and NYC was always a city scared to commit,  incase something better came along,  but hey,  let's all try to remember the golden rule - treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves. 

I know,  I know,  life is complex,  and we want to do something and say yes and something weird happens and we can't.  But we should immediately tell people that we can't,  and we should look at our lives if weird things are happening too often. Maybe we are overwhelmed,  maybe we are over committing.  Maybe we should have a quiet weekend and do nothing.   Nothing wrong with saying "I'd love to,  but I can't." 

And if everyone is flaking on you,  then stop making plans with them!  One woman said then she would never see her friends,  if she didn't make the plans,  and then we both stopped and looked at each other.  So you make all the plans and they flake 50% of the time?  Maybe let them go a while and see if they reach out,  I suggested softly.  And if they never reach out... well what are you willing to tolerate to keep them in your life?  Not this,  she said..

And that's the second Golden Rule.  People will treat you like you let them.  If they treat you badly,  and you stop letting them,  and they are no longer in your life,  well,  that's your answer.  

when the cards and I disagree

When people come to a reading seeking clarification, they are meeting two sources of opinion - me, with an extensive background in therapy and life experience,  and the cards.  And sometimes the two sources disagree.  

One of my regulars was an actress in her late 30's who hadn't quite cracked it yet, managing only a small job or two a year.  And she kept asking me, should she give up.  I, personally,  wasn't so sure that this was a good track for her,  with diminishing returns. But the cards were relentlessly upbeat and never wanted her to quit.  So I told her that - she wasn't ready to give up, the cards kept saying keep at it.  And the cards were right!  She has found her niche and doing many more acting jobs in her early forties than she ever did in her thirties. 

So if I and the cards disagree - I always tell you what the cards say - they are reading your truest energy,  and they definitely know more than me! 

How I do my Readings

Every so often I put up this kind of post,  to let new readers know how I do my readings.

I've read tarot cards for decades now.  When we moved to Tribeca,  I started Tribeca Tarot Reader in 2008 and this blog in 2009.  When we returned to Sydney,  I switched to virtual readings.  I skype/zoom/facetime you and read for you that way.  But because of the way I read,  I find the magic is in the shuffling - you have to handle the cards,  you have to move and select them,  your energy shifting them one way or the other.  

So most of my readings are for established clients who know the way I work,  and are willing to buy or borrow a deck and shuffle and do the layout for me,  and then we do the reading,  in the quiet and privacy of where you chose. 

It's actually worked out very well,  and my regulars,  who have readings once or twice a year,  or once every two years or so,  find me,  buy a deck - usually the Rider Waite,  but any deck with 78 cards will do,  and have a reading.  And continue being my regulars.

Even if you've never read with me before,  I'm happy to do a reading for you.  Just get your hands on a deck and we'll find a time and start.  And if you want to know more about me, just browse though the blog and you'll get a feel for how I read. 

Also,  to simplify matters,  I start all my readings with a cold reading - where I don't know what's going on in your life,  and just tell you what the cards tell me.  We layout the cards in the shape of a Celtic Cross.  I find it helpful to remind people of what that looks like - 

We lay out the 10 cards together and then I start to talk...   

I encourage people to record the readings,  we go through a lot of information. 

Email me or text me if you like a reading,  

liat@albanyconsult.com  or +61 477 043 555

Looking forward to it,

warmly

Liat

January 2024

This is traditionally a busy time of year for me.  People want to know what the next year will hold.  People want some reassurance.  And I want to be reassuring!  Recently a woman asked me not to tell her any bad news.  But I said,  that's not how I read. 

For one thing,  we often don't know good or bad news when we first get it.  Sometimes not getting the job we really wanted, means we were available for a job that was much better.  Sometimes getting something we thought we really wanted turns out to be doubly disappointing.   One medical student I read for was disappointed in his hospital placement. But it turns out the placement he thought he wanted was very political and difficult (as others reported back to him)  and the placement he received was a much better fit.    So there's that.

And for the second thing - I read what I see.  That's the joy of coming to a stranger.  I actually do more accurate readings for strangers than family.  With family I'm too invested and can tweak the outcomes to suit what I want for them.  With strangers,  the cards tell me what they see,  and I just report back.  And with that,  we can have a more in depth discussion as to your hopes and fears,  and how to best bring about the outcomes you want.

So nothing here is set in stone,  you can change your cards,  but it takes a lot of thought and energy to do that.  So let's see what the new year will bring and what you need to focus on  and where your strengths are in this forthcoming year...

These pretty cards are by Alexandra Elena 

Leaving 2023

2023 has been a difficult year for me,  both personally and seeing how the world is trending.  So I can find it hard to find joy,  though I usually love Christmas time.  

I read this article by Anne Lamott in the Washington Post - The Dressing Room Encounter that made me get Real about Aging, and it really spoke to me.  She had a line in it - "love and service make us rich."  And it is just so true.  I find whenever I am feeling lost or tired,  being with people I love or serving the community in some way,  just makes me feel better.  

When I meet strangers of a certain age I ask them how many grandchildren they have.  Six one woman proudly replied.  You are so rich! I told her, and she beamingly agreed.  Not that you need grandchildren (or children) to have riches,  but you don't need money either.  You need a sense of place in the world.  Houses of Worship can give that to you,  but so can organizations that you value.  

I belong to the CWA - the Country Women's Association,  a group of practical, down to earth women who try to fix what they can and fundraise for issues they find important.  And they are so crafty!  I so admire a woman who can go to a 2 hour meeting and walk out with a crocheted hat.  It's like magic!  I am not crafty - but I can sell - so I help them get all their hats and aprons and Christmas ornaments together and sell them to others and give the money back to women in the country.   A virtuous circle.

So if you are feeling poor in time and energy,  I hold you in my heart.  It's been a tough year.  But one source of renewable energy for me,  is Love and Service.  Don't have someone to love? Go and give service.  I know it sounds strange but giving to others can fill you up and make you feel connected and then you feel richer in energy, and then you find love - maybe from a person, maybe from a dog,  maybe from a community.  

Wishing you a warm and safe Christmas and with Love and Service to make you rich... 

Notes to Myself, by Hugh Prather

I read this book,  Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather, way back when.  But the book I read was actually the 20th anniversary addition and it had been published in 1970! 

I was reminded of it during a tarot reading recently when a client was describing a book she had written and her desire to get it into print. 

Hugh had written:

After I had written this book I told several friends.  Their reaction was polite and mild.  Later I was able to tell them that the book was going to be published.  Most of them responded with the words "I'm proud of you."  Proud of the results but not of the action. 

Everyone but I must look back on my behavior.  They can only see my acts coupled with their results.  But I must act now, without knowing the results. 

I think we often praise the results,  rather than the effort.  You won an Olympic medal, so much more impressive than just being in the Olympics and coming 20th. But that's 20th in the world!  That's absolutely amazing! 

It is easy to look at the results and decide whether it was worth the effort or not. But we will never know the results beforehand,  and have to decide whether to go ahead or not,  without any assurances.  

All new activities follow the Fool card,  walking into the future, with a song in our heart,  not knowing what will happen, only what may,  what we hope for.  And then finding the purpose of the path only after we have walked it, seeing what it taught us. 

So my encouragement for all of us,  is to start a path,  put in the action,  and let the results come to us.