Reframing judging yourself

People observe things and then blame themselves - or others.  But I like this reframing I saw online from Jacquelyn Tenaglia, who describes herself as a no bs therapist. 

❌ “You choose toxic people.”✅ Toxic people are everywhere. Letting them stick around is the issue.❌ “You stayed for too long.” ✅ Leaving is hard when toxic dynamics erode self-worth over time.❌ “You should’ve known better.” ✅ Hindsight can be 20/20.❌ “You ignored red flags.” ✅ Sometimes people don’t show their cards right away. Sometimes we choose familiar people over healthy ones. Or hope can obscure judgment. Learning to trust your instincts strengthens your ability to walk away sooner.

I say a lot of similar stuff to people at readings.  Especially about familiar people over healthy ones.  He feels really familiar,  can mean,  he feels like from my family,  which wasn't a good space for me... takes time to tease that one out!   Also hindsight is a bitch,  foresight is much harder to come to,  which is why tarot readings help... 

Looking at today

When your country does something you don't like,  how do you withstand it?  

When people make a large generalization - all men,  all women,  all Americans,  all Iranians,  all Jews, all Palestinians, it can never be accurate.  In a large enough group,  there is rarely an all,  except that we are all human.  I am suffering,  they are suffering,  we are suffering.  And even leaders we despise are sometimes right and leaders we admire are sometimes wrong.   

All I can say is that world is a complicated and fragile place,  and today it feels more of both. 

I shuffle, hearing the susurrations of the cards as they move through my fingers.  I pull out the 9 of swords.  Well we all are there, the anxiety is alive now,  preventing sleep.  So I chose to meditate on the moon card instead.

I send you blessings of tranquility and calm.

What if the cards give me bad news...

A question I get frequently is what if they cards give me bad news? What if they tell me something I don't want to hear. 

And I say the cards say what they say.  And at times I have felt like Cassandra from Ancient Greek myth,  who was cursed to always tell the truth and not be believed.  

But usually,  when I do a reading,  the other person is nodding their heads,  yes,  I knew this,  I didn't want this outcome,  but I can see it.  And so can a stranger with 78 pieces of cardboard.  It's not that I tell you unbelievable things,  it's that I tell you what you know,  without knowing you at all. 

People come to me in times of flux - it's why they want the reading in the first place.  And during the reading they get their intuition confirmed. I didn't want X to happen,  but I can see what the cards are saying.  Even if the news is not what you want,  talking about it, figuring out what's going on,  can give you understanding, give you back some power and help shift the situation. 

Fiction tell us truths

Here's how I love to watch TV - one episode a night,  till it ends.  None of this waiting all week for a new episode to come out,  but none of this watching 8 hours in one day either.  No,  I like to pace myself. So this is why I come to shows a bit late - I wait for all the episodes to come out before I even start.

We are watching Andor right now.  I just finished the arc about Ghorman.   I am moved by the TV show and the characters but I'm devastated by how it resonates with the world today. I actually feel a bit shaky about how bad the news is,  how people  then gaslight us,  and we are are making it sound worse than it is, and how evil wins when truth dies.  Which brings me to Mon Motha's powerful speech: 

It feels like people are creating a truth optional world,  where people believe their alternate facts,  and we can't even agree on the very basics.  Feels dangerous to me. And I'm sorry that this is our present state of reality. 

Empathy

There's lots of talk about empathy lately - a idea which I thought was a universal good,  until Elon Musk came out with his strange quote - the biggest weakness of the West is empathy (?!?) 

But here is an article in the Washington Post (from 2011,  so we've known this for a while!) that shows that rats will help a strange trapped rat out of a bad situation for no reason other than they can do it and are willing - so they empathise with the trapped rat,  hearing it's trapped squeaks,  and come and help it out. 

Humans can do this too!  Remember, next time you hear a human squeak in distress,  try helping it out.  Empathy is a universal good, let no one tell you otherwise!

The Dunning–Kruger effect

We discussed this at a recent tarot reading.

The Dunning-Kruger effect, is a cognitive bias,  where people frequently overestimate their ability/capacity at doing something they don't know very much about.  It was first described by two  psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger in 1999.  

So men who say they could beat Venus Williams at tennis (which was a meme that amazed me at the time) are overestimating their skill set in a big way! Or,  people who think anyone could do that before they try doing that themselves

We were talking about a date my client had where her date kept telling her he could do her job better than she could,  and I said,  yes, the Dunning-Kruger effect.  And then I had to describe what I meant,  and she said, you mean it's so common there's a word for it?!  and we both laughed. 

Book Goblin

 I don't even know where I found this,  but it is so cute! 

I also like my books to match and hate when they put out a series in all sorts of different sizes and fonts (I'm looking at you Liaden series!)  So grateful when I realize that I'm not the only crazy one.

Now I'm off to look at Elizabeth Wheatley's books,  if she's created the book goblin she must be on my wavelength...