Sometimes it feels hard to be Grateful

I love Thanksgiving.  A festival that involves food,  is non demoninational, gets friends and family together around the theme of Gratitude?  It's like it was made for me!

But sometimes we have so much going on,  or things are so not going our way,  that it can be hard to celebrate. It can feel like one more task,  one more demand.  And our family may not appreciate our efforts,  or rush off early to another commitment,  or watch TV and not talk. 

And I think we need to hold space for both - for the chance to honor Gratitude and the emotional cost of putting on events that may not be appreciated. 

One client came to me and told me that she hated Thanksgiving becuase her mother used to do it all,  and now that her mother can't,  it has become her job and it's just too much.  Even with other family reluctantly bringing a dish,  even with her kids dragooned into helping, it's too much work.  

So make it less work,  I said.  Don't do 12 different dishes.  Do only what works for you,  have a potluck,  go to a restaurant,  change it all together.  But do do something that allows for a sense of gratitdue.  It's the feeling,  not the food that is important.  If no one can make it on the day,  then have it the weekend before,  or the Saturday after.  

This year we are having a Friendsgiving on Sunday.   Everyone is brining something.  I had over committed myself,  and then realized I couldn't do that much.  My friend graciously rang me and said,  I know you're going through a lot,  my son's friend will make the pies.  I felt such relief!  I'm doing brussel sprouts and asparagus,  I'm meeting with good friends and their extended families.  It's been a tough year,  but I am letting myself be grateful... 

The Secret of Kindness

I was talking about the kindness of strangers recently and my upset client asked what kindness! And I said,  sometimes you can help someone who you don't know and won't get to know - in the supermarket,  in the post office,  filling out a form,  and it's nothing for you but eases their day... and then sometimes someone will do it for you.  When you are stressed and tired and they smile and help and you feel,  wow,  there are humans out there after all.  

It's important to remember that everyone around us is living out their life,  like we are,  having good and bad days,  as we are,  and if we can help them,  and they can do the same for us,  it makes a real difference to our shared reality. 

Of course,  some days I'm sad, mad or anxious one,  unable to give kindness,  no one can do it every day.  But every day that I can,  is a better day for me. That's the secret of kindess - in the giving,  you get to feel better... 

Sometimes it takes a crisis

Sometimes you need a crisis to see a solution.  Sometimes you put so much energy into keeping the status quo,  that it's only when it (you) break that you can find a different way of doing things.

People come to me to find solutions but often, sadly,  the cards say if you keep doing what you are doing,  you're going to keep getting the same results.  If you are looking for love,  sometimes I can pull 10 cards and not find a relationship card there.  Then I say,  we have to do something different.  And we talk about what you are doing,  and what you won't do,  and what needs to be done.   And it can be a different doing for each person that comes to the reading.  Some people are too swift to cut their losses,  some people date for 6 months when they knew on the second date this wasn't going to be what they wanted.  

So if you come and feel a crisis brewing,  that may not be a bad thing - a crisis can give us the energy to change... 

Let me intoduce myself

Every so often I do a reading and realize that my new client knows nothing about me and found me by pure chance.  So that's when I do a small blog piece about who I am and how I read.

Actually, to tell how I read,  just browse this blog - which I started in 2009,  but I had already been reading tarot cards for strangers for about 20 years by then.  So it's the job I've had the longest.  But in between I've done more professional things - worked in offices as a recruitment consultant, worked in a modelling agency as a booker,  worked in a dating agency,  then completed my second degree and became a group analytic psychotherapist,  and specialized in addiction.  Always working with people,  always interested in what motivates and sustains us; why we succeed,  where we stumble.  Always reading tarot cards.  But in 2009 my son was in school,  I wanted part time work I could control,  and I dropped all the other gigs and focused solely on tarot.  

I've been reading for strangers weekly since then. 

When we moved back to Australian I changed my format a little bit.  You see,  the magic for me lies in the shuffling - you have to move the cards,  you have to pick them,  your energy is what makes it work.  So I do readings via zoom,  facetime,  whatsap,  you name it,  but you need to have the cards in your hands.  Most of my regular clients were fine with this,  they bought a deck,  shuffled it in the week preceding our reading,  and I would tell them how to lay them out 

We always start with a Celtic Cross - you will lay out 10 cards into this shape.  Then I talk for 7 or so minutes,  I encourage people to record these readings,  it's a lot of information.  Then we talk together and you can usually get 3 or so questions answered on top of the intial reading during the hour. 

It's worked very well.  If I haven't read for you in the past,  just buy a deck and we will set up a time.  You read in the privacy of your own home,  I'm seeing you from Australia so usually your evening to my morning.  And you get to see a snap shot of where your energy is now. 

I look forward to reading for you,

warmly,

Liat

Getting lost in the surface, or not feeling valued

A woman in her late thirties came to me,  all upset because her husband had bought her the $4,000 handbag when clearly the $8,000 one was so much better.  And now she was expected to be happy, but she hates the bag,  and feels ripped off.

To let me feel empathy,  I had to remove all costings and bag labels and just think about asking for something you really want and feel like you deserve and then getting something less than,  and being forced to have performitive feelings for it.  

So we began talking about communication (the cards were not good,  all upside down) and why did she need him to buy the wrong bag,  why couldn't she go with him,  how did she express all this and also,  because we are in the real world,  could he afford it?  Maybe $4,000 was as far as he could go... 

And it gave me a minute of gratitude. That I am not in her headspace,  that this is something I would never want,  but also,  compassion,  because she was so stressed and disturbed by it,  so upset with no where really to go.  It's the feeling of not being heard and not being valued.   But also,  not being able to compete,  and all the other women knowing exactly what she was given and what it meant to them. 

So I encouraged her to go back to her husband to have a real conversation,  but also,  think about how this plays out with her social circle,  and why her female friendships feels so competitive and judgemental.  She was surprised at that,  she thought all female friendships were like that. So that was a start.  Hopefully she will go into the High Priestess (her outcome card) and start to think about her life more intuitively,  rather than skating on surface impressions.  

For my own amusement I selected bags from the internet - 

The first one was a Louis Vitton retailing for approx $4,000

The second one was a Bulgari bag,  retailing for approx $8,000

The third one was a valextra bag,  retailing for approx $7,100

and the last one was a Hermes bag,  retailing for approx $35,000!!

(click away, I will not get a cut if you buy one of these bags!)

Personally,  I would not be able to tell one bag from the other,  but it was fun looking them up...