I was scrolling around and came across this saying, purportedly originally Russian - The same boiling water that softens the potato will harden the egg.
Sometimes something happens to us, and the person next to us is a potato, but we are an egg. Who is repsonding best? There is no answer to that, we are responding according to our essense. There is no shame in hardening when you are in a boiling situation if you are egg like; no shame in softening if you are more potatoish.. What matters is that you don't judge others for their reactions if they differ from yours.
The one I always look at sideways is when older adults say, I was hit as a child, nothing wrong with me, and so they should be able to hit their grandchidren. Well, even if it was true, and we could argue otherwise, just because you went through bullying or cruelty, and grew stronger, doesn't mean that the next person will. And I like the egg and potato example, because the situation that was meaningful to you might be devestating to others, and vica versa.
So learn about your qualities - what triggers you, what gives you hope. And know that others are also triggered and encouraged but it may be by very different events. And neither of you are wrong.
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