A lot of people come to me, because they've had a set back or a loss, and they find it hard to bounce back. So I read a lot about resilience, for them and for myself.
I read an interesting article in the Washington Post recently that concluded that we need to give children more opportunities for independent, unsupervised play, and that is what has been missing these past 30 or so years, and that contributes to feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious.
And I agree - independence, negotiating your place with low stakes outcomes, living in your own imagination, creative play - all these have been part of the human condition for millennia, and suddenly, over one and half generations, they are if not gone, they've been minimized.
But I'm not talking to children, I'm mainly talking to young adults - people in their 20's and 30's. How does this help them?
Well, I guess, you need to find places where you can be a bit independent, take some low stakes risks, allow yourself failure. Allow yourself to feel bad, and disorganized and even chaotic, and then still do the laundry and get to work. I'm a big believe in functioning - that it leads to more functioning which leads to some better sense of self. Of course some of us over-function, but I would give them different advice but the same idea - take some manageable, low stakes risks and let yourself fail occasionally.
I say this often - don't let the perfect get in the way of the good. And now I've added, don't let the imperfect get in the way of the good either. Just let yourself see the good around you. Once you look for it, you'll see more of it. And the virtuous circle commences...
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