When you ask about love

Really,  asking about love is one of the most common questions I get,  and the cards are so accurate when it comes to feelings.   

I did a reading a while ago (I never give real times or names,  to protect your privacy,  but I do give the real cards)  and the woman drew -  

Wheel of Fortune / Queen of Cups / 6 of Swords / Ace of Cups

So there's a journey here.  She's spinning right now,  the wheel is moving,  it could stop anywhere,  but at least it's change.  She's not stagnating.  There is a warning about the Queen of Cups,  who can sometimes get lost in her own dreams/ desires and not look around clearly enough.  And then there is the sadness of the 6 of swords,  a moving on with sorrow.  No one wants these cards! But all this difficulty leads to the Ace of Cups,  the card she really does want,  a yes to love,  a yes to emotional intimacy. 

So the message for her was,  she needs to go on this journey,  she needs to let go of some of her dreams/ fantasies,  she needs to let go of her past relationship and really let herself move on.  I tell people that the 6 of swords is a moving on with sorrow,  but at least it's not being stuck with sorrow!  And then,  and only then,  once this hard work is done,  does she get what she really wants. 

People sometimes get upset with this kind of news - they want what they want,  but they don't want to do the hard work to get it.  And then it won't happen.  The cards and karma are relentless like that.  And she looked into my kind tired eyes and saw that there was no escaping the work of letting go of the Queen of Cups and the 6 of swords,  but it would be worth it.  And she sighed and agreed.  

(These disney tarot cards are cute,  but I wouldn't read with them,  they didn't feel serious/nuanced enough.  Though I did like Ariel as Queen of Cups,  a girl willing to give up her voice in order to get her legs,  is a girl who needs to look at the costs of her dreams!)  

Work Energy, Love Energy

Sometimes people come to me for a reading,  and their work cards are all great - bright and glowing,  with energy and movement.  But their love cards are stagnant, with no flow there at all. So I say,  work is easy right now, put your energy there and you will get quick rewards.  Maybe you should ease off looking for love and focus on your work.  

One of my clients said to me,  you've been saying that for three years.  Really?  I checked my notes and she was right,  her work cards are always Aces,  connecting, networking,  getting promoted,  all of that comes effortlessly to her. But love doesn't.  So I said to her,  what are you doing at work,  that you aren't doing in relationships?  And without hesitating she said,  "I know my value at work."  But with people,  with men,  she was not as confident. 

So we spent the session talking about transferring some of that confident self knowledge from work,  and putting it more into play with dating.  She can instantly recognize if a project has potential, needs nursing,  needs to be scrapped. Can she do that analysis on every 3rd date?  Maybe she is rejecting too soon,  or nursing the connection along too much,  or not scrapping it when it is clearly going nowhere. But if she gives herself this task,  go on three plus dates with anyone,  then do an analysis, and see if that gets her more of what she wants. She thought that was an interesting idea.  We'll have to wait and see if the cards get warmer once she starts doing this.

Dating

I worked for 3 years at a dating agency,  so I’m always interested in things like this video by OK cupid.  I went to a talk given by one of the OK Cupid founders once and was fascinated – they have so much data,  so many millions of interactions,  you can see patterns writ large. 

What I find today is that people often get confused by what I call the Pride and Prejudice principle. In the 1800’s, society was structured so that everyone you met was of the same religious, educational and socioeconomic background, and if you felt sexual attraction, that was the green light to go ahead and fall in love.

However today, you meet someone and have great sexual attraction, it’s not a green light at all – you still have to check if your goals and values are the same, if you want to create the same sort of future/relationship together.  Things are far less homogeneous now,  which is a good thing,  we are meeting a far more diverse and interesting group of people,  but it also means that romantic love is harder – just because you feel a strong attraction, you don’t necessarily have the foundation to hold it together once the intense fire of the attraction banks to a glow… 

Flirting with New York

Often people come to me, knowing that the old relationship is over, but still entangled with that person, and ask me if they should date other people.  The cards often tell them that they need a break, to give them time to adjust to their new situation - they draw the 4 swords or the hermit.   

But doing nothing is hard: you feel empty, you want some action to fill the void.  So I tell them to go and flirt with New York. This is an amazing city, but it’s also a tough one.  If we don’t take advantage of all the marvelous things that go on here, we are paying the price of living here – huge cost of living, crowds, lack of personal and psychic space – without taking the benefits.  

 

So I tell them go out with humans (as opposed to dating) old friends, new friends, potential friends, and flirt with New York. Find music, lectures, theatre, and museums.  It doesn’t have to be intellectual, go to new restaurants, comedy shows, and find the best Bloody Mary in the city or the perfect brunch place. Go play tennis,  cycle,  improve your one mile time.   Flirt with the city and that will help let the old feelings go and give space for new relationships to start.