Raising children into today's world

I just had a deeply concerning reading for a woman whose child is addicted to youtube kids videos.  I had never seen such videos (they sound benign on the face of it,  kids playing with toys,  kids opening toys)

And then,  the very next day,  I see this article in the New York Times - When a Child's Life Becomes the Family Business.  It was like it was explaining the other side of the reading. 

I do think many of us are too connected to our phones (and I'm in there with the 'us'.)   And I know kids can be annoying and irritating and demanding,  and giving them access to a youtube station by kids and for kids can feel like a safe fix.  But everyone's brains are developing in this scenario and kids watching other kids getting avalanches of toys can make them feel a) less than and b) want more and more. 

So my suggestions are to go slow and limit screen access, encourage real world connections, and talk to your kids.  Get them to help with cooking - a real world activity with the benefits of creating dinner! I know this takes energy, and the kids themselves may fight you on this,  but if we give them good enough alternatives,  then the fighting eases.  Also if none of this works,  please do some research and go and see a professional!  

I don't think there is a simple answer. Even my son says he is grateful he isn't 12 today.  The world is complex and changing more than we realize and we have to tread carefully...  

Current favorite poem

I'm so upset with the New York Times,  a paper I read daily,  which put up an article asking if Women had Ruined the Workplace.  And when they faced backlash over that,  changed the title to Did Liberal Feminism ruin the workplace?  And then,  when that didn't seem to fix the problem,  changed it to  What is toxic Femininity?   Just such an awful question,  which gave rise to lots of thoughtful articles debunking it! 

And in a perfect antidote to that,  I found this poem,  by a poet I have written about before,  Danielle Coffyn

If Adam Picked the Apple

There would be a parade,

a celebration,

a holiday to commemorate

the day he sought enlightenment.

We would not speak of

temptation by the devil, rather,

we would laud Adam’s curiosity,

his desire for adventure

and knowing.

We would feast

on apple-inspired fare:

tortes, chutneys, pancakes, pies.

There would be plays and songs

reenacting his courage.

But it was Eve who grew bored,

weary of her captivity in Eden.

And a woman’s desire

for freedom is rarely a cause

for celebration.

Severance

The TV show Severance,  from Apple TV,  has a high concept - that they could somehow split people so what they do at work and what they do out of work do not connect.  It's fascinating and the first season was lighter in my eyes,  this season was more bleak.

But the NYT had a great article about it and how people can appear split right now - and in the comments someone from Seattle wrote I've come to the conclusion that we now have people divided into their normal self and their enraged social media self. The normal self, in most cases, shows restraint and courtesy and keeps opinions to itself. The social media self never questions "Should I say this?" they just blurt out vile vitriol.

And that was perfect for me! I do think we often have a split personality when it comes to social media and people I know and like have said some awful things, while strangers have said really vile things. And it is like there is some inside and outside split. I hadn't thought of it in the context of the tv show, but there really is a severance between how people act in the real world and how they act online. (Though how they act online is bleeding out into the real world right now, which is not a good thing at all!)

We have to work to stop the vile rhetoric online,  but also to present ourselves cogently,  so we are the same person at work, online  and at home.  Perhaps more relaxed in one environment,  but not fundamentally different. And to remember in each environment,  that we are communicating with other human beings,  as complicated as ourselves...