Celebrity divorces

There are some people you follow,  and after a while,  they've been in your life so long,  they feel like old acquaintances - someone you went to college with,  someone who was in a group you were in once...  You don't even have to like them,  you just sort of keep tabs on them.   I don't love Jennifer Lopez.  And I really don't love Ben Affleck.  But I sort of liked them getting back together again,  after all these years.   Little facts tweaked me,  like that they didn't sign a prenup.  I really hoped they would make it this time. 

But as they song says,  everywhere you go,  you take the weather with you (Crowded House)  And Ben took the weather with him.  Him looking despairing at yet another awards ceremony,  so awkward,  so not wanting to be there.  Her looking impeccable,  as always.  And I sighed.  I knew that they were on different trajectories and unless he really pulled hard,  they wouldn't make it.  It's okay for one half of the couple to be more social and appearance driven,  especially if it's the woman and if she can leave her other half at home.  But if all she does is get 20 questions about where is he,  and 20 articles about the state of her marriage every time she goes out without him,  well then she starts dragging him along. And boy did he look dragged.  

So I wasn't surprised at the news that she filed for divorced,  or that she was the proactive one to do the filing.  But I was sad for both of them.  They were honestly fighting for the dream and I was honestly hoping it would work,  and I'm on no one's team here (ok,  I'm a little more on Jennifer's team,  but not 100% more like 55/45) and I wish them both well in the future...  

Read this article in the New York times,  comparing J.Lo to Elizabeth Taylor - and wishing for her to be remembered not for her relationships,  but how she wanted to change the world,  and fought so hard for a cause that she made a real difference.  Now that's a blessing to take with you. 

Your Brain Under Pressure

Sometimes things build to a crescendo in our lives,  the list is too long,  the noise is too loud,  and we can't get it done.  

If the pressure is too much,  I can literally feel my brain fill with fog,  and I find it hard to think.  I really advocate taking a moment for a time out,  just to give your brain a chance to reset.  

My go to is the beach - I go to Maroubra and watch the waves crash and catch my breath. 

Of course,  if you are in NYC,  there are fewer waves to watch,  but find your corner,  whether walking by the river,  or watching the dogs at the dog park,  where you can just let go for a minute and let yourself reset.   It can make such a difference... You can always try these places

David Whyte, poet

 A friend recently introduced me to a new (to me) poet.

I really loved this one:

Sweet darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

From The house of Belonging,  poems by David Whyte

Boy Sober

Read this article in the Washington Post about going 'boy sober'.   Such an interesting and I thought hopeful spin.  Celibate as a word and a concept  has odd overtones,  and even Incels (short for involuntary celibate) don't want it.  But sometimes,  taking a pause from relationships to see where you are,  what you are doing in the mix,  can be so helpful. Help you get clean and clear. 

So if you feel you are getting addicted/drunk on relationships/drama, or that dating is toxic at the moment,  maybe think about a period of being boy sober,  see what comes out of that... 

There's a Hole in my Sidewalk

I was reminded of this poem during a recent reading.  I've been reading it for over 20 years now.  It still really speaks to me.  

Chapter I
I walk down the street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I fall in.
          I am lost ... I am helpless.
            It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I pretend I don't see it.
         I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
                But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I see it is there.
         I still fall in ... it's a habit.
            My eyes are open.
               I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
      I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

― Portia Nelson, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

Just looked this up and it was written in 1988.  Still resonates,  like the note of a clear bell...  Such a relief when you start walking down another street!