Liaden Universe

It's strange how people can impact upon you.  I heard today that Steve Miller died.  He was co-author to a series of science fiction books set in a place they created - the Liaden Universe.  They were prolific writers with many books,  novellas and articles.  In their own words - The Liaden Universe® is not tidy. Nor is it a series, exactly. It's a Universe. …

I feel like I lost a friend.  We've never communicated but a new book coming out was a highlight for me.   I wrote to his wife and writing partner, Sharon Lee,  these words -  I’m sure you know that you and Steve have impacted the world far more than most, and far better than most!   Their writing was a gift to me and so many others.  He will be missed.  

Taylor Swift

Sometimes you just want to be part of a cultural moment.  Sometimes you want to stand outside the cultural moment.  I've certainly had both feelings.  But I was watching the MTV WMA's in 2009 and saw Kanye West jump up on stage live and saw what he did to a girl I didn't know much about,  and my heart just melted for her.  I literally could not imagine anything worse.  It's like one of those nightmares where you're walking around naked,  but you get to wake up from them!  So she leapt up on my radar in a big way then.  And when 1989 came out,  I became a firm fan.  I just loved her lyrics,  and her courage.  I was walking up and down the West Side Highway, loving every song.  And I've listened to her ever since.  I loved If I were the Man,  and then really loved her last few albums.  Antihero is just a perfect song, but the video makes it even better! 

I'm not a true Swiftie.  I don't know the meanings of all her songs and I don't look for all the Easter eggs.  Instead,  I just listen to her music on face value and see how it speaks to me,  rather than what part of her life it relates to.  I've read some great articles about her - My Delirious Trip to the Heart of Swiftiedom, from the New York Times was one of my favorites - and just enjoyed the cultural phenom that she was becoming. 

So when I had a big birthday,  I just wanted one thing - that's right,  Taylor Swift concert tickets.  We couldn't get the cheap ones,  they were already gone,  so we splurged on the expensive VIP ones (it was that big a birthday!) I'm going to her Sydney show this Saturday.   I'm really looking forward to it! 

Managing Expectations

 I really feel one of the secrets to contentment in life is found in managing expectations. 

Sometimes people come to new situations and expect X, but are met with J.  Coming to terms with it,  allowing yourself to be in this different situation - all that determines how you will feel about it.  Sometimes I feel  that if I keep my expectations low,  I can always be satisfied and sometimes delighted.  I get a bit wary if I find I'm expecting something to be really amazing,  because I know if it's not,  I'll be disappointed. 

I had a reading around a wedding recently that reminded me of this.   A really pretty woman in her late twenties had fantasized about her perfect day for years and everything had to be insta-perfect.  Which is both exhausting and disappointing,  as good friends/bridesmaids were not being as supportive/engaged as she would have liked,  and even her fiancé was drawing away from her planning.  

So we spoke about the perfect getting in the way of the good, but the cards were much more ruthless.  I looked at her as she drew the 8 of swords/6 of cups/ 2 swords and said,  you feel trapped and isolated,  but there is a way out.  But you have to look clearly,  and not be nostalgic or childlike,  you  have to look at it like an adult.  If you don't you will feel even more isolated and defensive.  And she was in tears for both things - that she wasn't going to get the wedding of her dreams,  and that friends were letting her down.   

She was expecting too much of them and of herself.  She wasn't happy with my reading but the situation was not going to go her way through sheer will power, the cards were clear on that. 

I can only hope she took some of the reading on board,  and give herself a beautiful and meaningful, but not perfect,  day. 

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is often a tricky one for lots of people.   I do a lot of readings around this time with burning questions about how soon is too soon to go exclusive,  what if you want exclusivity and s/he doesn't.  What if you offer exclusivity and are turned down?  

And there's just the social pressure - something to tell your friends about,  something to show on insta.  Something about the appearance being more important than the actual event... 

So I come from a very grounded place when it comes to these sorts of things.  First,  we sort out what you really want,  as opposed to what you are expected to want,  or what your partner/parents/peer groups want for you.  And once we sort that out,  we see if you feel you can ask for it.  And if you ask for it,  how will they other person respond?  The cards are so clear here,  it's astonishing.  So often my clients go, yeah, that's what I'm scared of,  or I knew that would be the outcome. 

And then you get to work with the knowledge you now have...

So wishing you a grounded, happy Valentine's Day

Remember the Golden Rule

Recently,  in  quite a few of my readings,  people have complained about how unreliable other people are becoming.  Not necessarily just on dates,  but also friends, family, adult children - everyone seems to be hedging their options, saying yes and changing it to maybe,  or just ghosting arrangements. 

Covid has had many strange after affects, and NYC was always a city scared to commit,  incase something better came along,  but hey,  let's all try to remember the golden rule - treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves. 

I know,  I know,  life is complex,  and we want to do something and say yes and something weird happens and we can't.  But we should immediately tell people that we can't,  and we should look at our lives if weird things are happening too often. Maybe we are overwhelmed,  maybe we are over committing.  Maybe we should have a quiet weekend and do nothing.   Nothing wrong with saying "I'd love to,  but I can't." 

And if everyone is flaking on you,  then stop making plans with them!  One woman said then she would never see her friends,  if she didn't make the plans,  and then we both stopped and looked at each other.  So you make all the plans and they flake 50% of the time?  Maybe let them go a while and see if they reach out,  I suggested softly.  And if they never reach out... well what are you willing to tolerate to keep them in your life?  Not this,  she said..

And that's the second Golden Rule.  People will treat you like you let them.  If they treat you badly,  and you stop letting them,  and they are no longer in your life,  well,  that's your answer.