KPop Demon Hunters

Finding a film that my husband and I and our adult son want to see,  not so simple!  So when my son suggested Kpop Demon Hunters,  we all kind of shrugged and agreed.

It wasn't high art,  but it was a really excellent piece of entertainment. 

And the last song,  where our three heroines got together and sang their truth?  It was wonderful and moving.  I'm humming it now!

What it sounds Like 

Nothing but the truth now

Nothing but the proof of what I am

The worst of what I came from, patterns I'm ashamed of

Things that even I don't understand

I tried to fix it, I tried to fight it

My head was twisted, my heart divided

My lies all collided

I don't know why I didn't trust you to be on my side

I broke into a million pieces, and I can't go back

But now I'm seeing all the beauty in the broken glass

The scars are part of me, darkness and harmony

My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like

Why did I cover up the colors stuck inside my head?

I should've let the jagged edges meet the light instead

Show me what's underneath, I'll find your harmony

The song we couldn't write, this is what it sounds like

We're shattering the silence, we're rising, defiant

Shouting in the quiet, "You're not alone"

We listened to the demons, we let them get between us

But none of us are out here on our own

So we were cowards, so we were liars

So we're not heroes, we're still survivors

The dreamers, the fighters, no lying, I'm tired

But dive in the fire, and I'll be right here by your side

We broke into a million pieces, and we can't go back

But now we're seeing all the beauty in the broken glass

The scars are part of me, darkness and harmony

My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like (ah)

Why did we cover up the colors stuck inside our head?

Get up and let the jagged edges meet the light instead

Show me what's underneath, I'll find your harmony

Fearless and undefined, this is what it sounds like

This is what it sounds like

Hey! (Oh-oh, oh-oh), hey! (Oh-oh)

This is what it sounds like

Hey! (Oh-oh, oh-oh), hey! (Oh-oh)

This is what it sounds like

Hey! (Oh-oh), hey! (Oh-oh)

This is what it (sounds like), this is what it

This is what it sounds like

We broke into a million pieces, and we can't go back

But now I'm seeing all the beauty in the broken glass

The scars are part of me, darkness and harmony

My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like

Why did we cover up the colors stuck inside our head?

Get up and let the jagged edges meet the light instead

Show me what's underneath, I'll find your harmony

Fearless and undefined, this is what it sounds like

My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like (between, ah)

Fearless and undefined, this is what it sounds like

Truth after all this time, our voices all combined

When darkness meets the light, this is what it sounds like

Why are Men struggling?

I read both the New York Times and the Washington Post most days and I'm astonished at how many articles I see about men,  and their struggles.  A  recent one,  by Shadi Hamid,  talked about how difficult it is to find a partner when religion actually matters to you and you want to raise your kids as Muslims,  which I found interesting. 

But in these articles,  and in threads,  it all seems that men have suddenly become overwhelmed.  Too many choices and yet they feel they are not chosen often enough; unwillingness to commit with an unwillingness to narrow their lives to this one choice.  It's like they can only draw  the seven of cups,  too many options leading to paralysis.  

What I tell everyone is that you can one cup, or I'll be super generous and give you two,  but you cannot have all the cups - and it's not personal,  it's not only you -  no one can have all the cups.  And to chose one means that others start to become less available. And we,  as a culture,  have to be okay with that.  I tell people you cannot be both a professional athlete and a brain surgeon.  The time constraints don't work.  So you have to chose one or the other. And yes,  you may always feel a twinge when you come into contact with the one you didn't chose,  but you can't have both.  

I think men,  who had the illusion of power for so long,  and now feel it ripped away by a myriad of cultural shifts,  can't chose.  And so they are struggling.

I guess I'm telling them to chose one,  commit to one,  cherish one and see what happens.  At least it's not paralysis,  at the very least it's a learning experience, and at the most,  it's a life changing/progressing one. 

Bad energy weeks

Some weeks nothing goes right.  Some weeks you always get out on the wrong side of bed,  everything that can go wrong does,  your computer doesn't work and you keep missing the bus.  It's almost like you've caught a bad luck virus.  You start to feel raw and vulnerable.

When this happens to me, I do two things - 1) be kind to myself.  Even if I am part of everything going wrong,  even it was specifically my fault,  I need to be gentle.  Being mean to myself really doesn't help.  And 2) go slow.  Maybe I'm rushing through things,  maybe I'm tripping over my own feet.  Maybe I just need some quiet time to let myself slow down and heal. 

So if you are having a bad week,  know that this sometimes happens,  and it too shall pass.  Be the hanged man,  be kind to yourself and others.  Slow down,  do soft and gentle things.  And the energy will pass.  It always does. 

Cat Tarot cards by Thiago Correa

Life Skills

Everyone has something that they find easy,  that other people find hard.  But skills are transferable.  

I was dreadful with food for many years,  eating my feelings and under exercising.  But I was always great with money,  feeling satisfied with staying within my budget and smug when I got things on sale.  There were years where the only things I bought full price were groceries. 

And I met these gorgeous,  thin,  smart young women coming for Tarot Readings,  who were really dreadful with money.  They could control and motivate themselves effortlessly around food and exercise,  but they had no self control around expenditures. 

And I said,  these are the same skills.  The skills that make you not eat a full bar of chocolate,  you can transfer that attitude to shopping.  It was so eye opening for me (sometimes I actually take my own advice!)   It really helped me with food. I began saying to myself, it's costs too much,  thinking about how many calories were in a dessert.

And I'd encourage the girls to look at the shoes and work out much they were paying on interest to get them, and declare them too fattening!  I made a lot of girls laugh with that line,  and then stop and think.  I still get feedback to this day from some of my clients that that idea really helped them. 

My new favorite Deck

I began reading tarot cards so long ago,  that really the only deck available was the Rider Waite.  And so I imprinted on it,  and learnt all my reading skills from those extraordinary, intricate images.  I still recommend it as the best deck for new readers.  Most other decks are influenced by or based on it. 

But then the internet exploded,  and all sorts of new images/visual interpretations emerged. 

Every so often I stumble across a new deck,  and each image is more perfect than the next,  and I get greedy to have it in my hands. 

So my new favorite Deck is the Grand Bear Deck by Lise Abbaddie,  a french designer.   It took me a good hour online trying to find the source of all these amazing cards,  and from what I can tell, the deck is not complete,  I can't buy it. But I want to!  I'll join their mailing list and preorder as soon as I can! 

Let yourself be served

I was doing a tarot reading for a woman who was under a lot of stress.  She drew way too many swords and any positive cards were reversed. 

So we discussed ways to reduce stress.  She said she was eating really badly - skipping meals and then doubling down on sugary snacks.  So I said,   go to a restaurant,  order a salad that someone else has made,  and let yourself be served.  You deserve to be taken care of,  and you deserve healthy,  delicious food.  

She teared up.  She hadn't thought about it in those terms before,  but the idea of being looked after,  of not having to buy, cook and tidy up a meal,  was something she realized she really wanted. 

I hope it nourishes her well. 

News Avoidance

We have a habit in our household,  the tv goes on at 7 and we watch the news.  But every so often,  the news is so bleak,  or enraging,  or overwhelming,  that I just can't bear it,  and I mute it.  Of course,  in sunny, safe Sydney,  this is an option I can take.  But I've been thinking about news avoidance,  because so many people, both here and New York, are saying/doing the same thing.  And I guess I want the news channels to start thinking about how they engage with us,  and what the news is doing to us and to them.  We need better options about knowing what is going on and then dealing with it.

It reminds me of Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs and Steel.  I read it way back when and found it so overwhelming in it's portents that I had to put it down and pause for a bit between reads.  It's so well written and I completely believed it,  but I felt powerless before it.  Almost thirty years later,  we've caught up a bit to his rage and knowledge and most accept his viewpoint as true,  but we still have to deal with the next step - what to do about it!

Joanna Macy,  Buddhist and deep ecologist,  has an approach called 'Active Hope.'  She doesn't want us to be reassured and comfortable,  but neither does she wants us to be despairing and distraught.  Instead,  she wants us to see what is true and real,  and then work within our world to make it better.  She writes in her website - in the face of overwhelming social and ecological crises, this work helps people transform despair and apathy into constructive, collaborative action.

I very much want to have a better world and do believe that collaborative, constructive action is the way to go. So I'm off to find a corner of the world where I can help and make things better...

Wishing you the same calming, foundational energy!