Why are Men struggling?

I read both the New York Times and the Washington Post most days and I'm astonished at how many articles I see about men,  and their struggles.  A  recent one,  by Shadi Hamid,  talked about how difficult it is to find a partner when religion matters to you and you want to raise your kids as Muslims,  which I found interesting. 

But in these articles,  and in threads,  it all seems that men have suddenly become overwhelmed.  Too many choices and yet they feel they are not chosen often enough; unwillingness to commit with an unwillingness to narrow their lives to this one choice.  It's like they can only draw  the seven of cups,  too many options leading to paralysis.  

What I tell everyone is that you can one cup, or I'll be super generous and give you two,  but you cannot have all the cups - and it's not personal,  it's not only you -  no one can have all the cups.  And to chose one means that others start to become less available. And we,  as a culture,  have to be okay with that.  I tell people you cannot be both a professional athlete and a brain surgeon.  The time constraints don't work.  So you have to chose one or the other. And yes,  you may always feel a twinge when you come into contact with the one you didn't chose,  but you can't have both.  

I think men,  who had the illusion of power for so long,  and now feel it ripped away by a myriad of cultural shifts,  can't chose.  And so they are struggling.

I guess I'm telling them to chose one,  commit to one,  cherish one and see what happens.  At least it's not paralysis,  at the very least it's a learning experience, and at the most,  it's a life changing/progressing one. 

Drawing the same card twice

Eva and the Snake by Christian Schloe

I recently did a reading for a woman who was contacted by a man she knew 25 years ago, when she was in college, via LinkedIn. This scenario is more common than you may think. 

Both she and the old friend were married, and she agreed to meet him for drinks.  And he gave her that line that is so seductive – she was the one who got away, he made a mistake, he should have married her.  But when it became clear that she would not sleep with him, he abruptly dropped all communication with her.

She wants closure, or friendship, or to know what the hell happened.  She drew Justice Reversed around him.  She was not going to get the closure she wanted,  he had acted badly,  and that was the ending.  At the very end of the reading, when I had drawn all the cards together and was shuffling them to prepare them for the next reading, she asked me if she could just draw one more card around him.  And then she pulled out Justice reversed again. She looked at me. 

And I said, this is your goose bump moment. The cards are clear.  You need to let any thoughts of him go, he’s not coming back.   She sighed and then said she actually felt much better. The cards were so definite, it was time to let him go and move on.