If the first tarot card reader doesn't say what you want to hear...

Sometimes a person will come to me,  and as I give them news they don't want,  they reveal that I am the third (or fourth,  or for one girl,  fifth!) tarot card reader they have seen recently and all of us said the same thing... but they don't want to hear it!

A while ago I had a very sweet Indian girl come to see me.  She was pale with shadows under her eyes.  She said that she had gotten drunk one night and said to her boyfriend that it was all too much,  but by the time she figured out she wanted back in,  he now wanted space.

She asked if they would get back together and drew

World Reversed / 5 swords / page wands Reversed / 6 swords

Even if she wills it and makes a reconciliation happen,  it won't last,  she's riding in the wrong direction,  it will end in swords (tears, pain,  moving on with sorrow, a hard learning experience)

Then she told me I was the fifth tarot card reader she had seen that month.  Fifth!  And all of us said the same thing,  it's not going to happen,  it's not going to work.  But she wants to find the one who tells her it will. This is why I believe in tarot.  Five total strangers,  five separate decks, none of us invested in the outcome and all of us see the same thing. 

So I said to her that she will do as she wants (of course) and she doesn't have to listen to us,  but she needs to listen to herself.  There was something wrong in the relationship which started her drunken ramble,  and she needs to find a way to resolve that. She said he was always distant and punishing (why want him at all?!?  The mysteries of the heart.)  And if she begs him to return,  then he can continue that pattern with impunity.  It's only if she backs away and puts herself first,  can she give him the space to see what he's missing and if he wants to move forward.  She nodded slowly.  He has to have some breathing room to see what you are bringing and you have to have some breathing room to see what he brings to you too.  I said words to that effect four or five times.

And then she agreed,  she would give him some space.  

Five months later she returned telling me he was talking to her and also to another girl,  what should she do. And she looked at me and started to laugh.  Of course I was going to tell her to let him go.  And she knew it was time. She really didn't want to,  the heart wants what the heart wants,  as the song goes.  But you can't will another person to want you back,  you can only torture yourself over it, until you are tired of the torture.  After 5 months,  she was starting to tire of the torture.   

Two years later she came to ask me about another boy altogether.  The cards were much happier with him and we both sighed with relief.  I haven't seen her again.  I can only hope they are still together.  

The Hermit

The hermit is always a tricky card.  Some people really don't like the idea of it - off on your own and introspecting,  a hermit hiding in a cave.  And the Rider Waite image can be a bit off putting

But I try to sway them to it - he's not passively waiting for answers to come to him,  he is actively looking, bringing illumination to dark corners. 

By chance I came across this card - 

And I just love it!  Such a beautiful,  feminine and easy to read version of the Hermit.  There she is, having walked into the woods,  built herself a fire,  and is now finding enlightenment, clarity, power in a very feminine witchy way.  This is the work of Deborah Blake, and her Everyday Witch Tarot

This is why I keep looking for tarot cards.  Sooner or later,  the perfect one that just explains everything for me,  just appears. 

outcomes

I did a tarot reading for a woman recently,  and her possible outcome was the 10 of swords.  No need to be a tarot reader to understand that card - it's more than one sword in the back,  it's despair and fear.  It's paralysis.  

But when she asked about how she would do,  if she separated from her husband,  she drew the 9 of wands.  Sure,  there is a struggle and a battle.  She has a bandage on her head.  But she is standing upright, ready to protect,  ready to defend and fully capable.  And it's wands,  energy, not swords,  a knife thrust. 

And I said to her,  the 10 of swords is her fear,  which keeps her passive and paralyzed.  But the 9 of wands is how she feels once she takes action,  once she moves on.  And she gave a huge sigh,  she can do it.  It will be okay,  she will survive it,  and she won't have any knives in her back,  she's stronger than that and can defend herself.  Her homework was to scroll the web and find a version of the 9 of wands that really speaks to her,  and keep it close - either as front page of her phone/computer,  or printed out by her desk - somewhere where she sees it daily,  and let that energy carry her. 

It was a good reading. 

Weak Ties

I read an article in the New York Times about how becoming a regular at a café can help lessen a sense of isolation.  When I first moved to New York,  I knew my husband, who was working 60-80 hours a week,  and my son, who was 4 years old.  It was just after 9/11 and the streets of Tribeca were relatively empty at the time.  I tramped all over them with my 4 year old in tow,  getting to know the faces that I passed regularly.  One day I walked by a restaurant I hadn't ever been to,  and the workers there wanted to know where my son was,  they were used to seeing the two of us together.  A small interaction like that can make you feel so happy,  so much more connected.   

I became very active in my son's school and was often speaking to large groups of parents,  so when I walked the streets of Tribeca people often smiled or stopped for a quick chat.  It made one of the busiest cities in the world feel like a warm and friendly village to me,  and that definitely helped! 

Though these connections are not strong or essential,  so sociologists call them 'weak ties', they are still very important.  When the guy at the counter knows your order,  when the florist smiles at you and says you always love the gardenias,  when the small conversations anchor you,  let them!  And notice the small interactions people have with you,  so you can be part of their web too.