Christmas and New Years

Wishing all who celebrate a warm and happy Christmas.  

And to all those who don't,  to still let some of the magic seep in... 

Useful feedback

Sometimes we are going about our lives and one of friends says something to us,  about how we are managing ourselves,  and it's not complimentary!   Often that doesn't feel nice at all.  People come to me and ask if they should stop being friends with this type of person. 

My question is,  was the information useful?  Did it show things in a new light?  

Sometimes we don't see our situation as clearly as an outsider might.  Sometimes our friends are looking out for us.  Of course it could be that some of our friends are awful people and we should find new ones - but if we're not in middle school,  I hope that's not the case! 

So maybe this friend was clumsy,  and maybe they are just more conservative/ less conservative,  more adventurous / less adventurous than we are. So we can look at the information and factor that in too.  But I look at things through several lenses - were they saying this to be helpful?  Do they believe it?  Have others said something like it?  Are they kind friends?  I always look to see if the feedback could be useful to me.  It might just show a new perspective on things,  it might be really helpful. 

Sound Bath

All my life I've been very receptive/ sensitive to sound.  The right music can just lift me up and completely change my mood,  and the wrong music just jars on me and I can't bear it.  

Lately I've been putting in the words Sound Bath to apple and spotify,  or youtube and listening to what they conjure up.  Lots of it doesn't work for me,  but I've found things that are just wonderful!  Sound Baths are healing vibrational sounds  - gongs, bells,  singing bowls, chimes etc..  often with music, rain sounds, sometimes on their own,  that are meant to resonate through you and work on your harmonics. 

If you are seeking some refuge,  something different,  try listening to new music.  Most sound bath music does not have lyrics,  but often does have spoken visualizations over it.  Some of the spoken stuff does not work at all for me,  some of it is soothing,  some of it I never hear,  because I've fallen asleep by then.  But a lot of it really relaxes me.  

My most recent find is Dr Ramdesh.  You may not like her, don't worry if you don't,  but find someone that does work for you. If you are troubled with anxiety or racing thoughts,  try finding some new guided visualizations, or meditations.  I find they help enormously. 

Green flags

We all know about red flags.  Here's a lovely list of green flags,  to help us know what healthy support looks like,  both to give and receive:

Sometimes it feels hard to be Grateful

I love Thanksgiving.  A festival that involves food,  is non demoninational, gets friends and family together around the theme of Gratitude?  It's like it was made for me!

But sometimes we have so much going on,  or things are so not going our way,  that it can be hard to celebrate. It can feel like one more task,  one more demand.  And our family may not appreciate our efforts,  or rush off early to another commitment,  or watch TV and not talk. 

And I think we need to hold space for both - for the chance to honor Gratitude and the emotional cost of putting on events that may not be appreciated. 

One client came to me and told me that she hated Thanksgiving becuase her mother used to do it all,  and now that her mother can't,  it has become her job and it's just too much.  Even with other family reluctantly bringing a dish,  even with her kids dragooned into helping, it's too much work.  

So make it less work,  I said.  Don't do 12 different dishes.  Do only what works for you,  have a potluck,  go to a restaurant,  change it all together.  But do do something that allows for a sense of gratitdue.  It's the feeling,  not the food that is important.  If no one can make it on the day,  then have it the weekend before,  or the Saturday after.  

This year we are having a Friendsgiving on Sunday.   Everyone is brining something.  I had over committed myself,  and then realized I couldn't do that much.  My friend graciously rang me and said,  I know you're going through a lot,  my son's friend will make the pies.  I felt such relief!  I'm doing brussel sprouts and asparagus,  I'm meeting with good friends and their extended families.  It's been a tough year,  but I am letting myself be grateful... 

The Secret of Kindness

I was talking about the kindness of strangers recently and my upset client asked what kindness! And I said,  sometimes you can help someone who you don't know and won't get to know - in the supermarket,  in the post office,  filling out a form,  and it's nothing for you but eases their day... and then sometimes someone will do it for you.  When you are stressed and tired and they smile and help and you feel,  wow,  there are humans out there after all.  

It's important to remember that everyone around us is living out their life,  like we are,  having good and bad days,  as we are,  and if we can help them,  and they can do the same for us,  it makes a real difference to our shared reality. 

Of course,  some days I'm sad, mad or anxious one,  unable to give kindness,  no one can do it every day.  But every day that I can,  is a better day for me. That's the secret of kindess - in the giving,  you get to feel better... 

Sometimes it takes a crisis

Sometimes you need a crisis to see a solution.  Sometimes you put so much energy into keeping the status quo,  that it's only when it (you) break that you can find a different way of doing things.

People come to me to find solutions but often, sadly,  the cards say if you keep doing what you are doing,  you're going to keep getting the same results.  If you are looking for love,  sometimes I can pull 10 cards and not find a relationship card there.  Then I say,  we have to do something different.  And we talk about what you are doing,  and what you won't do,  and what needs to be done.   And it can be a different doing for each person that comes to the reading.  Some people are too swift to cut their losses,  some people date for 6 months when they knew on the second date this wasn't going to be what they wanted.  

So if you come and feel a crisis brewing,  that may not be a bad thing - a crisis can give us the energy to change...