Finding answers

People come to Tarot readings when they have questions. That's obvious.  So I meet people who are struggling with answers on one issue or another.

One question I often ask them,  is that if a friend had this dilemma,  how would you feel about it,  what would you advise?  Especially around relationships,  people get lost in their wants and needs and stop seeing things as they are. But if they describe the situation in the third person,  and give their opinion there,  they are often surprised at their insights. 

Finding that balance - it is worth growing this relationship or should I end it,  well the cards are usually super clear on that. 

Gorgeous art work by Vittorio Zecchin (1878-1947)

Mothers...

I don't really follow pop culture all that much, but my feed is full of Brooke Shields and the documentary about her life right now,  and the algorithm knows me well,  because I clicked on it. 

And then I fell down the rabbit hole and ended up watching this amazing interview of Brooke by another child star,  Drew Barrymore.  And Drew just let is slip that somehow, in her entanglement with her daughter,  Drew's mother used to seduce Drew's boyfriends.  Even Brooke's face froze for a minute at this throw away line.  

And I thought about enmeshment,  and how some women just can't let their children become individuals,  but are always reflections of them.  

Some of the women I read for, come to me to talk about their mothers.  It's such a central relationship,  mother and child,  mother and daughter.  Sometimes,  it's easier with sons - the difference in gender protects both of them.  But I see the stickiness that some mothers have with their adult daughters and how difficult it is for the young (and not so young) women to pull away from their mother's grasp. 

The importance of rituals

It's easy to be ambivalent about rituals, a whiff of the past,  of it's muddy complexity,  and at the same time,  something to hold you through important times.  We watched the Coronation of Charles III and while I kept having Monty Python voices running through my head,  I was also moved by this strange event that had it's roots deep in medieval times.  And the music was sublime.

Weddings,  funerals,  choreographed events with small moments that mean everything and large ones that can mean nothing.  I've been a few of them recently and I'm struck at how the familiar can feel comforting during stressful times.  Going to funerals,  never sure of what to do or what to say,  the ritual gives you the steps of the dance,  and you can move with more confidence.  

There are rituals around the tarot - I always wrap my decks in silk scarves and they live in small carved wooden boxes between readings.  Does it matter?  Does it make a difference to the reading?  I don't think so,  but handling them with respect makes it easier to bring a respectful attitude to the reading,  clearing the space for the discussion to come.  That's where ritual helps,  in creating and sustaining the atmosphere, giving you the confidence to move forward. 

Everyone has psychic moments

All day today,  I was humming a song that I couldn't quite get out...

If you could read my mind,  love, what a tale my thoughts could tell...

And my husband said,  oh you heard.

Heard what?

It's just been announced that Gordon Lightfoot died. 

I didn't know at all... but I've been singing him all morning.

I think lots of people have those 'witchy' moments,  where you know something you shouldn't,  see something that wasn't there,  intuit something on no information at all.  Everyone has psychic moments.  

I didn't think I had such a particular relationship with Gordon Lightfoot,  and yet here I was,  unusually humming him all morning, only to hear of his passing... 

Things that give you joy

Often people come to me during troubled times in their lives.  It's easy to get focused on what we long for,  what we don't have.  And we do discuss during our readings,  what is it we are doing (or not) to help us get what we want.  And what are we doing that may get in our own way.

But this is about joy.  Sometimes in our longings,  we forget about focusing on things that give us joy. They don't have to be huge or complicated.  Buying fresh flowers for ourselves,  developing a new hobby,  looking at beautiful images.  

The reason this came to mind is because I follow the National Geographic photos on face book.  And often those images are so amazing,  it just makes you heart sing,  makes you smile.  Someone else has spent hours of their life capturing that one perfect image,  and I think of them with gratitude and then send that photo on to friends and family.  

So it's not about money,  or even time,  but about knowing what gives you pleasure and setting up life to give you some surprising joyous notes. 

So much of our day to day life is habit.  Getting into the habit of giving yourself 5 minutes of joy a day,  you will be amazed how much impact that will have on the rest of your day! 

All photos by Swedish-Dutch photographer Geert Weggen (who I found on the national geographic facebook page)

Empress

At every reading one or two cards will speak to you more strongly than the others.  Then I tell you that your home work after the reading is to search the web  - this blog,  my pintrest page, just google images and find a version of that card that speaks to you. Then keep it close - on your phone, printed out by your computer,  close to remind you of that energy and how to follow/preserve it better.

For example this is the traditional image from the Rider Waite tarot deck of the Empress

And these are a few of the images you can find on line

From the Tarot Deck of Luminaries

or

 

from Tarot Illuminati deck

All quite different images,  which might speak to you differently.

And this is the image I saw to today that really caught my eye.  I tell people that the Empress is often shown as pregnant,  she can give birth to new ideas,  new ventures,  new baby (always a very happy card to draw for those trying to get pregnant!)  And here she is,  an image that just spoke to me about what the card represents:

Lightseer’s Tarot by Chris-Anne Donnelly

One of the big things that has changed since I started reading tarot is how many new decks/images there are today.  There are an abundance of ideas and it's always good to have a look around and see which version speaks most clearly to you... 

Relationships require work

People often come to me in the early stages of dating,  asking me if this person is 'the one'.  And the cards are easy with that,  they read the energy really clearly. 

But they also often come and ask,  should I leave,  and one of the things I reply with is,  Relationships require work.   I see relationships fold, not because of infidelity or indifference, but because life has so many moving pieces,  and people often put the adult relationship at the bottom of the list as they focus on work,  kids,  family commitments,  sport etc...  And then you just look at the co parent,  co partner,  co whatever and think,  could it be better with another company? 

I often refer people to Harville Hendrix's Getting the Love you Want (what a great title, who doesn't want that?!) which is a very cheap way to get some really excellent advice.

One client told me that her marriage counsellor gave her these 3 questions to check in with each other every morning:

How are you feeling today?

What are you looking forward to today?

What are you worried about today?

So just feel that your person is checking in on you and you both know what's on the boil for the each other. 

When I give this kind of advice,  sometimes people's eyes glaze over. They don't want to do this,  they want the romance, limerence and excitement that was there is the early days,  when prioritizing each other was easy and they were excited at being in contact.  But all long term relationships require maintenance and just as we talk about self care,  and making sure you give yourself time to breathe and grow, so too, do you need to give time and attention to your primary relationship.  It's not easy and breathlessly romantic,  but it can ground and grow the love... 

Just after I wrote this piece,  the NYT ran this article about Terrence Real which speaks to much the same issues.