Quote of the Day

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it...”

~ Charles Swindoll

I'm always a bit scared to quote religious leaders,  especially ones whose work I don't know well,  but whatever else he may believe,  here he and I agree 100%.  I see this all the times in my readings - how we feel about something,  the attitudes we have,  are much more significant than the events themselves.

Vaccinations - science and superstition

It may sound odd, a tarot card reader warning against superstition.  But I’m a very pragmatic sort of new age believer, and indeed, many new age beliefs just don’t work for me at all.   I believe in spiritual cleansings, but not more than I believe in the power of hot water and soap. And I do believe that sometimes the tide of energy is just against us, but then we have to see the pattern and navigate through it. At all times, we must harness our intellect, to wend our way through the world.

People who have decided not to vaccinate, because they are scared of “toxins” have just created a fearful word and then try to magically avoid it.  What they appear not to acknowledge is so many that so many things have toxins in them,  they are impossible to avoid.  The entire idea of immunity is to build up our own reservoirs of reaction to infection, so that the next time the virus comes at us, we have some immunity to it.  Want to know more about the science – go to a reputable medical website or book     

We all desire to protect our children,  but we need to use our heads as well as our hearts,  it can't be all chaos and feelings,  we need order and science as well...

Groundhog Day

 

I wasn’t born or raised in the US, so my first introduction to the idea of Groundhog Day came from the excellent movie with Bill Murray – Groundhog Day.    

It has become one of my all-time favorite movies, because it seems to say something so important about love and life. What if you had to live the same day, over and over - what would you do? Who would you become? And if someone got to see me 10,000 times (or how many times that day actually happened) would he just fall more and more in love with me?  It felt like the most amazing love story, but full of weirdness and laughter and existential angst.  Really, a perfect movie!  If you are doing nothing else tonight, I encourage you to watch it, it’s a rare, perfect jewel of a film.

PS According to this years groundhog,  we have 6 more weeks of winter.  No surprises there!

Super Bowl

Someone once asked me if I could predict the outcome of the Super Bowl.  I said that if you were playing in the Super Bowl or if you owned the team, then maybe.  But if you were merely a fan, even if you were a fan who had bet lots of money and was very invested in the outcome, then no. 

When I read the cards, I see your energy, your life events - not other peoples and certainly not sports events.  If Rupert Murdoch came to see me, maybe I could see something about his companies, through his questions, but if you are just asking me about his companies to get stock tips,  I don’t see anything… 

Sometimes people ask me about their parents or children or spouses and often I can get a very accurate description of the situation – but again, that is reading your energy.  If you are asking about a sibling you’ve never met or a parent you haven’t seen in twenty years, then I don’t get much.

So I will be watching on Sunday with the rest of you,  and I have no idea who will win (but I do have a delicious, comparatively low fat wings recipe, that I can share with you – I don’t add any extra butter and people rave about it.

 

 

 

Snow Day

After Hurricane Sandy, when we get dire weather warnings,  we tend to take them more seriously.  So I cancelled all my readings for yesterday and today.  As it turns out,  it wasn't so bad.  We are definitely living in a better safe than sorry society, and I can't say that I disagree with that. 

It's just with 24 hour news and endless, instant information,  they,  the mysterious they,  can whip us up into such a frenzy that common sense leaves.  By the fourth time you hear about the 24 inches of snow that may fall, you begin to worry if you have enough milk in the house. And when I got to Wholefoods,  which at worst may have been closed for 2 days, and saw the massive lines there (worse than for Thanksgiving!) I began to worry about having enough anything in the house. So like everyone around me,  I bought too much.  I now have milk for days,  a vat of home made minestrone soup,  some really delicious bread (If you are local to Tribeca,  I highly recommend Arcade Bakery,  their bread is just fantastic!)

And with not much else to do,  my son and I are enjoying a quiet day at home,  watching TV,  having the joy of a snow day,  a day in which you have nothing to accomplish and time to just be... 

We can all do with a snow day now and again...

Cascading Errors

This week, in my household, we have had a series of cascading errors. ( A phrase I learnt from airplane crashes,  where one small error triggers another and then a third,  and then it suddenly becomes catastrophic, though none of those errors on their own would have done much harm…)    and for a moment there,  not seriously,  but emotionally or energetically,  it all felt too much. 

The piece de resistance was when I thought I lost my keys and I had to leave the apartment to give my son lunch which he needed because he couldn’t leave school because he had arrived 5 minutes late last week and had his out-lunch pass cancelled… See what I mean by cascading error – one small thing goes wrong – and all of a sudden all the systems feel the strain and everything wobbles.  

I did leave and managed to get back into the apartment too.   And then, with the clarity of relief, I recalled where I had left my keys.  I also, through sheer luck, found another object that had been missing all week and driving us batty as we searched for it, to no avail.  And now the errors feel corrected.  The wobbles have stopped, the flight is smooth again.

Sometimes it only takes one reprieve to turn the plane around…

 

 

 

 

36 Questions

These are questions to facilitate and increase intimacy.

They were developed by psychologist Arthur Aron, who wrote them for a study about falling in love.  I like them as a list of questions,  to ask yourself,  to ask a current friend/lover,  or to ask a new friend/lover to see if the relationship is worth deepening.   After the questions,  Aron advocated looking into each other's eyes for four full minutes (long time!)   

Try it and see what works for you:

Set I

 

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

 

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

 

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

 

These questions were referenced in the New York Times article - To Fall in Love with Anyone,  Do This  The article in the New York times found the silent glance at the end,  the clincher for 'falling in love'.

 

I just read the laugh out loud rebuttal from New York Magazine,  To Fall Out of Love,  Do This.   It felt so true,  and so funny...