How to keep House While Drowning

A client came to me and talked about how ashamed she feels about the state of her apartment.  And I was so pleased to be able to give her this excellent line - "shame is the enemy of functioning" which comes from the very kind and gentle book,  How to Keep House While Drowning, by KC Davis

We often moralize over things that overwhelm us - so not sticking to a diet,  not keeping a spotless home,  not going to the gym - these aren't matters of life choice and scheduling, but instead feel like moral failures of the worst kind. 

So I'm here to tell you that you are not an immoral person for not doing these things. But if there are things you really want to do,  and you are not doing them,  then perhaps instead of judging and being mean to yourself,  you look for support.  And yes,  sometimes support looks like going to a tarot reader.  And often support looks like taking a helpful book out of the library.  And then scaffolding yourself (great phrase learnt from my son's preschool!) to help support this new habit you want to establish. 

So read this book - or any other that takes your fancy.  Grab the one or two sentences that help you,  and let yourself do a small helpful thing once a day,  until the mountain shrinks back to a molehill,  and it all feels more manageable. 

Going in the wrong direction?

I had a conversation with a client the other day and it reminded me of an old post I had written some years ago.  I looked up that post,  The Universe Hates Me, and it was from 2012,  so I think I can repeat it now!

Sometimes we are really struggling to find something - a new job,  a new friendship,  a new anything,  and it feels like all the winds of chance are blowing against us.  It's uphill and difficult and successes are few and far between.  A real 10 of wands feeling. 

So one question we have to ask ourselves  is - are we walking in the right direction?  My 2012 article was about work - he hated work,  and it hated him back.  To me,  it was clear that he was in the wrong job,  and it was time to move on. 

With love,  sometimes people want an idealized figure to give them status,  or to make them feel better about themselves or fill something up inside them.  They are looking for something a loving relationship really isn't meant to give,  and so they can't find it.  All those young men who want a gorgeous,  submissive perfect woman,  without thinking about what a real relationship looks like,  well they don't find it.  And that's because they are looking in the wrong direction. 

Life,  fate,  karma,  whatever you call it,  has very strong lessons for us.  And if we don't listen the first time,  it comes back with reinforcements!  So if the wind is blowing really strongly against us,  is the wind wrong or maybe we should turn around and let the wind give us momentum. 

10 of Wands

Occasionally I use 2 decks in a reading,  to see if the cards echo each other.  It's astonishing how often they do. 

I had a reading and a woman was asking me if she should make a huge change in her life,  and pulled up the 10 of wands.

Where she is now,  she feels overwhelmed,  like she is pushing a rock up a hill and it rolls down and she pushes it up again and the same thing happens.  Like all that wonderful wands energy, instead of lifting her,  becomes her burden. 

So when we did the reading with my new Light Sears deck (just gorgeous!) she pulled out this card - 

Their version of the 10 of wands has a woman, looking like she is fleeing a bad situation,  with all her worldly possessions but completely alone.  And I looked at her.  If she does this big change,  she will lose her relationship.  Is she okay with that?  And she looked at me and sadly nodded,  knowing the cost,  but also knowing that what she is paying now is too much. 

Even if it's bad news,  the cards can help give clarity and help you see what you need and what is holding you back.  

Ten of Wands

I know this card well and it always makes me sigh… it’s when all that wonderful wands energy becomes a burden to us and instead of lifting us up, we’re the ones pushing it up hill. We feel like Sisyphus, endlessly pushing the boulder up the hill only to watch it roll down again.


I warn people when they get this card that they have to take some proactive action, because waiting for it to pass is bad for wands energy, the flame starts to flicker and die… Wands need fiery passion to keep thriving and this image shows that the seed has no light to grow...


I like this card because it hints that the burdens are being hoarded. Sometimes we collect emotional injuries, like they are coins we can later cash in, giving ourselves permission to be resentful or bitter. The ten of wands is a hard card, but this attitude makes it even harder to change the situation.