Niche Interests

So this podcast just covered all my favorite niche interests - Medieval England,  Kings,  Tyrants,  Rule of Law and how to stop tyranny.  (I know,  were you expecting that list from me?)  Most times I just read long fantasy novels to get my fix and a satisfying outcome. (Currently reading the Age of Madness series,  set in universe mirroring revolutionary Europe,  and very much enjoying it!)    

Here Michael Goldfarb  and Dr Helen Castor talk about how Trump is more a bad medieval king than anything else.  

One of the most interesting facts Dr Castor mentioned was that  Richard II was a legitimate king,  heir from a legitimate king,  so overthrowing him without being a treasonous traitor, was very hard.  But when the king broke the rules of inheritance, to steal Henry Bolingbrokes' (his enemy and possible claimant to the throne,) that's when the nobles left him.  After all,  Richard's claim to the throne was also only through inheritance and if he broke those laws,  then how could he keep his claim? 

When Trump breaks his followers retirement funds,  they will come for him,  and he will either break the pattern or be dethroned. 

Fascinating. 

And baby makes three

So many women come to me when they are trying to become pregnant (we all agree, that 'fall' is such a dreadful term when you are doing everything you can and it's just not happening.) 

But many women also come to me once the baby is born,  and nothing is like they expected/ hoped for. 

When we move from a dyad - two people forming a pair bonding - to a triad - three humans forming a bonding,  all sorts of weird and wonderful things can happen. 

Dyads are easier,  because there is only you and one other to take into account.  Threesomes (those kinds as well) are much harder.  If we square 2,  we get 4.  But if we square 3 we get 9.  Many more possibilities.

And if the new human is tiny and demanding and frankly unreasonable,  it can upset the original dyad catastrophically. 

So when you have a baby,  lots of things change.  Not only the obvious,  but also the subtle interactions of the Dyad now rarely exist.  The Triad now dominates even if only 2 of them are in the room.  So the parent with the baby (most often the mother) can get resentful of the missing parent.  And even if both parents are together and the infant is with a trusted sitter,  the existence of the third,  still impacts the pair,  even when not present. 

Sometimes just pointing this out can help.  They can see the triangulations going on,  can catch the dynamics before they start splintering things.  

As always,  a little self awareness can go a long way...   

Dealing with Clutter

I know,  I know,  it's some new twenty first century phenonium.  Our great grandparents crossed continents with two sea trunks,  and we have so much stuff... everywhere!  So if you have too much,  and feel overwhelmed,  number one,  you are not alone in this!

And I know all the good questions - does it spark joy?  will you use it in the next 3 years?  Is it easily replaceable?

And I know and offer all the good suggestions - do a drawer a week,  nothing more than that but do it every week.  Write lists and follow through,  start with a space that really matters to you (around the computer,  makeup shelf,  coat closet - something that bugs you now.) Give your stuff to charity,  it's not trashing it,  it's giving it to someone in need.  Photograph it, collate it,  organize it.. 

And still,  sometimes you are just drowning in stuff.

I am lucky.  I've changed countries 4 times so I'm quite streamlined.  My one strong suggestion is put nothing into storage,  if it can live 10 miles from you,  you don't need it.  

Whatever you do,  just don't keep drowning in it.  One step at a time,  and a year later,  the place is cleaned.  Whenever I put my summer wardrobe in plastic boxes and bring my winter wardrobe out,  I go through my clothes,  the old,  the tired,  the tatty,  I let them go.   

So find a habit that works for you,  and just start.  I know,  this isn't the instant solution people want  (though I do know people who have hired declutterers to help them go through a room and be ruthless on their behalf. So if you are drowning,  you can get someone to help you.) But if you are doing it on your own,  it's a marathon, not a sprint,  give yourself time and breaks to get it done. 

April Fools

I actually hate pranks,  there's always an underlying cruelty to them.  I hate surprise parties - all day long you're sad that no one has remembered your birthday,  and then surprise,  everyone is there,  so you have to take all those disappointed feelings and throw them away and be cheerful and grateful.  I also hate performative gratitude.  I don't want to be forced to be grateful or thankful or humble.

Which goes to say,  no April Fools here today,  and no surprise parties either. But I do like giving and getting gifts for no reason, other than I saw it and thought of you...  Now those I like a lot!