Niche Interests

So this podcast just covered all my favorite niche interests - Medieval England,  Kings,  Tyrants,  Rule of Law and how to stop tyranny.  (I know,  were you expecting that list from me?)  Most times I just read long fantasy novels to get my fix and a satisfying outcome. (Currently reading the Age of Madness series,  set in universe mirroring revolutionary Europe,  and very much enjoying it!)    

Here Michael Goldfarb  and Dr Helen Castor talk about how Trump is more a bad medieval king than anything else.  

One of the most interesting facts Dr Castor mentioned was that  Richard II was a legitimate king,  heir from a legitimate king,  so overthrowing him without being a treasonous traitor, was very hard.  But when the king broke the rules of inheritance, to steal Henry Bolingbrokes' (his enemy and possible claimant to the throne,) that's when the nobles left him.  After all,  Richard's claim to the throne was also only through inheritance and if he broke those laws,  then how could he keep his claim? 

When Trump breaks his followers retirement funds,  they will come for him,  and he will either break the pattern or be dethroned. 

Fascinating. 

And baby makes three

So many women come to me when they are trying to become pregnant (we all agree, that 'fall' is such a dreadful term when you are doing everything you can and it's just not happening.) 

But many women also come to me once the baby is born,  and nothing is like they expected/ hoped for. 

When we move from a dyad - two people forming a pair bonding - to a triad - three humans forming a bonding,  all sorts of weird and wonderful things can happen. 

Dyads are easier,  because there is only you and one other to take into account.  Threesomes (those kinds as well) are much harder.  If we square 2,  we get 4.  But if we square 3 we get 9.  Many more possibilities.

And if the new human is tiny and demanding and frankly unreasonable,  it can upset the original dyad catastrophically. 

So when you have a baby,  lots of things change.  Not only the obvious,  but also the subtle interactions of the Dyad now rarely exist.  The Triad now dominates even if only 2 of them are in the room.  So the parent with the baby (most often the mother) can get resentful of the missing parent.  And even if both parents are together and the infant is with a trusted sitter,  the existence of the third,  still impacts the pair,  even when not present. 

Sometimes just pointing this out can help.  They can see the triangulations going on,  can catch the dynamics before they start splintering things.  

As always,  a little self awareness can go a long way...   

Dealing with Clutter

I know,  I know,  it's some new twenty first century phenonium.  Our great grandparents crossed continents with two sea trunks,  and we have so much stuff... everywhere!  So if you have too much,  and feel overwhelmed,  number one,  you are not alone in this!

And I know all the good questions - does it spark joy?  will you use it in the next 3 years?  Is it easily replaceable?

And I know and offer all the good suggestions - do a drawer a week,  nothing more than that but do it every week.  Write lists and follow through,  start with a space that really matters to you (around the computer,  makeup shelf,  coat closet - something that bugs you now.) Give your stuff to charity,  it's not trashing it,  it's giving it to someone in need.  Photograph it, collate it,  organize it.. 

And still,  sometimes you are just drowning in stuff.

I am lucky.  I've changed countries 4 times so I'm quite streamlined.  My one strong suggestion is put nothing into storage,  if it can live 10 miles from you,  you don't need it.  

Whatever you do,  just don't keep drowning in it.  One step at a time,  and a year later,  the place is cleaned.  Whenever I put my summer wardrobe in plastic boxes and bring my winter wardrobe out,  I go through my clothes,  the old,  the tired,  the tatty,  I let them go.   

So find a habit that works for you,  and just start.  I know,  this isn't the instant solution people want  (though I do know people who have hired declutterers to help them go through a room and be ruthless on their behalf. So if you are drowning,  you can get someone to help you.) But if you are doing it on your own,  it's a marathon, not a sprint,  give yourself time and breaks to get it done. 

April Fools

I actually hate pranks,  there's always an underlying cruelty to them.  I hate surprise parties - all day long you're sad that no one has remembered your birthday,  and then surprise,  everyone is there,  so you have to take all those disappointed feelings and throw them away and be cheerful and grateful.  I also hate performative gratitude.  I don't want to be forced to be grateful or thankful or humble.

Which goes to say,  no April Fools here today,  and no surprise parties either. But I do like giving and getting gifts for no reason, other than I saw it and thought of you...  Now those I like a lot! 

What are you watching?

In times of stress, my go to is TV crime dramas.  Even the most horrendous crimes,  that take 8 hours of viewing to complete,  has a solution at the end.  It's so satisfying that cleverness wins,  justice triumphs and the bad people are discovered and shamed.  

It's no wonder, the state of the world being what it is,  that I am bingeing on them right now.   And worse,  now I've signed up to BritBox,  I can see all the excellent British crime series and the choices are endless! Last one I watched was Karen Pirie,  very satisfying. 

At least I have my comfort TV, with its certainty and its cups of tea... 

Dating

If you go to the B symbol on the upper left hand side of this blog and write in Dating in the search box,  you'll get over 10 hits - posts I have written over the years about dating. 

Dating is one of the most common issues I get asked about.  People want to know if it is worth investing more time and effort into this newish relationship,  people wanting to know if their love partner is going to offer more,  people wanting to move to marriage, to move on,  to move out. 

And dating is a really good issue to bring to a tarot card reader,  the cards are usually crisp and clear.  I like this one - All about Love,  which includes my favorite Jam experiment and this one from 2014,  about OK Cupid. 

Also,  if you are interested in any particular tarot card,  go the search button,  type in the card name,  and get lots of information! 

So if you have any questions,  read the many posts I've already written,  and then text or email me and we'll set up a reading. 

Severance

The TV show Severance,  from Apple TV,  has a high concept - that they could somehow split people so what they do at work and what they do out of work do not connect.  It's fascinating and the first season was lighter in my eyes,  this season was more bleak.

But the NYT had a great article about it and how people can appear split right now - and in the comments someone from Seattle wrote I've come to the conclusion that we now have people divided into their normal self and their enraged social media self. The normal self, in most cases, shows restraint and courtesy and keeps opinions to itself. The social media self never questions "Should I say this?" they just blurt out vile vitriol.

And that was perfect for me! I do think we often have a split personality when it comes to social media and people I know and like have said some awful things, while strangers have said really vile things. And it is like there is some inside and outside split. I hadn't thought of it in the context of the tv show, but there really is a severance between how people act in the real world and how they act online. (Though how they act online is bleeding out into the real world right now, which is not a good thing at all!)

We have to work to stop the vile rhetoric online,  but also to present ourselves cogently,  so we are the same person at work, online  and at home.  Perhaps more relaxed in one environment,  but not fundamentally different. And to remember in each environment,  that we are communicating with other human beings,  as complicated as ourselves... 

Take notes 2

So one of my clients contacted me after my last blog piece and thought she was going to read something about taking notes during a reading.   I said that it's actually quite hard to take notes,  because there is so much information and you are asking questions,  and getting answers.  I've seen people try,  but I feel it's much better to record.

I encourage people to record their readings.  I tell people,  if you don't want it,  you can just delete it, but if you do want it and don't have it, then I can't always recall the exact words I used.  So often people return in 6 months or so and I can hear my phrases in their words and they tell me that they've listened to the recording multiple times.  One young graduate told me she was so upset with the reading, that it was only on relistening she could hear what I was actually saying and she found it very helpful and then returned fairly often over the years. 

I now do all my readings online,  so you can easily record it.   When talking about emotional topics,  it's nice to be able to mull it over in your own time,  to help sort out how it really feels for you. 

Take notes!

So last night I was reading in bed and came across something and thought,  that would make a great blog piece.  Then I went to sleep. 

This morning I remembered that I had read something... can I remember what it was?  Can I remember how to find it again?  Did I bookmark anything?  Of course not! 

Moral of the story,  when you think of something,  take notes! Even a quick voice memo on your phone. Anything.  Our brains are so overloaded all the time, it's hard to trust that you will remember it.

I know if it's super important it will come back to me,  but why make the universe work so hard?  Instead,  take notes,  make your life easier. 

My Current Favorite Deck

Okay I admit it - I have way too many tarot decks!  It's one of the real joys of the internet,  the huge range of cards and images that are available.

When I started reading (really,  before the internet was anything!) you could basically access what was available at your local book/ esoterica shop and that was it.  Then you could start to order things online. But now, there are thousands and thousands of Decks.  There is no way anyone could know them all. 

But I often trawl for tarot images,  that can bring a new perspective to a card.  And I've come across The Cosmic Cycles Tarot by Miriam EG (Illustrator)

The illustrations are excellent and she really brings some new ideas and depths to her tarot interpretations.

I'm trying to be strong and not buy yet another deck,  but who knows...

All pictures are from the Cosmic Cycles tarot deck

Seven of Wands

People have readings from me and they are scattered all over the world (ok,  mainly in the US East and West Coasts,  but also in London and Canada and occasionally South Africa)  And they are all shuffling their own decks and laying out their own cards.

And even with all these different decks and cards,  still themes emerge.  Lately lots of my readings have the 7 of wands in important places. 

The Seven of Wands is a card of self defence - it's not a violent card,  we usually don't see who we are fighting against,  and unlike the swords,  there's no undertone of malice.  But we are standing up for our own point of view.

And maybe in these tumultuous times,  the cards are saying,  wait, stop,  think for yourself.  Don't automatically fight everyone,  but also,  don't just go with the flow.  Think for yourself -  is this right for you?  is this the right time for you?  do you really want this?   

These are super important questions and only you can answer them.  Sometimes we are offered something and it's only with the offer that we see whether we really want it or not.  Perhaps we wanted it earlier but now we don't.  Perhaps it would work for us in a few years but now it doesn't.  Or perhaps we really do want it but important people in our lives are casting doubt.  The seven of cards encourages you to think things out for yourself and defend your own point of view.

A rant on relationships

I've been reading a lot lately about historical marriages - mainly about the marriages of powerful people,  because they were the ones written about.  Romantic marriage is a very modern idea.  Prior to that,  you married who was your age in the village or who had the land next to yours,  or who you met in your very small circle.  Royals moved farther afield to marry,  but had no choice at all,  and often moved to places where they did not speak the language and had no idea of what was going on for a few years at least.  

It was awful for the women,  but frankly,  it was pretty dire for the men as well.  I know,  I know,  they had the option of mistresses and being mean to their wives.  But they didn't have choice.  They had to marry who their parents or their court or their country needed.  So when we talk about how awful marriage was for women,  and don't acknowledge that men were also not free,  it inflames the incels and makes us seem unaware that many men's situations were also fraught.  

One fact that caught my eye is that I read somewhere (I read so much,  I can never cite my facts,  sorry!) that the great grandchild of Dukes,  the highest rank under Royalty in Britain,  were often in genteel poverty.  So you were the third son of a Duke,  and if you didn't marry well,  your grandchildren would be teachers/struggling civil servants while your brother's grandchildren would be Dukes.   Trust me,  these third son's were very aware of their situations and had to marry well too.  

Of course, once married they could torment and abuse their wives in a terrible way.  I'm not saying it was easier on the women. It was definitely harder on them.  An awful, intolerable situation.   I'm just saying it was difficult for the men too,  even the powerful well born ones.   

Another book I read mentioned how when a man has a several wives (or a hareem),  it can be truly awful for the women there. But it also means,  from a plain mathematical point of view, that if one man has 4 wives,  that means 3 men get no wives.  None at all.  

I guess I just want to say is that both sides have had it tough.  Women spoke up and fought for their freedoms and bless them all for it,  I am the grateful recipient of their battles.  I have a university degree,  I have bank accounts,  I have a life I could not have had without them.  

But men had a struggle too and what they have seen is women become increasingly emancipated,  but they didn't feel the same rush of giddy power.  Instead they felt their world get smaller.  

What we want is peace and empathy between the sexes,  so that when we meet,  there is a chance for a genuine connection.  And we can't have that if we are both looking through our blinders and seeing only our point of view. 

Highly Recommended Books

There are so many self help books out there,  no one can read them all! So I often ask my clients what they are reading or what book/idea has helped them the most.

Here is a list of books,  some I have read,  some have been highly recommended to me,  all of which I feel comfortable sharing with you:

The Book of Boundaries, by Melissa Urban.  When two separate clients,  from 2 different states  recommend the same book,  I take note!

Atomic Habits by James Clear.  I really liked the premise here,  that tiny new steps (almost at the atomic level) can effect huge change.

 

Don't Believe everything you think,  by Joseph Ngyuen.  Just loved this title,  it's so true! 

 

Make your Bed,  by William H McRaven.  A nice list of healthy habits/ attitudes which can impact your life for the better.

 

The good place was one of my all time favorite tv series - if you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat!  How to Be Perfect is a book by Michael Schur, the very smart creator of the good place.  Enjoy! 

I don't get any money from these recommendations or these links.  I'm just suggesting them because there is so much out there,  and these are leaders in their fields.

I often tell people that for a very small investment you can get a sentence that can change your life.  So even if you only get one sentence from each of these books,  that will be well worth the investment of time and money.