I love Thanksgiving. A festival that involves food, is non-denominational, gets friends and family together around the theme of Gratitude? It's like it was made for me!
But sometimes we have so much going on, or things are so not going our way, that it can be hard to celebrate. It can feel like one more task, one more demand. And our family may not appreciate our efforts, or rush off early to another commitment, or watch TV and not talk.
And I think we need to hold space for both - for the chance to honor Gratitude and the emotional cost of putting on events that may not be appreciated.
One client came to me and told me that she hated Thanksgiving because her mother used to do it all, and now that her mother can't, it has become her job and it's just too much. Even with other family reluctantly bringing a dish, even with her kids dragooned into helping, it's too much work.
So make it less work, I said. Don't do 12 different dishes. Do only what works for you, have a potluck, go to a restaurant, change it all together. But do do something that allows for a sense of gratitude. It's the feeling, not the food that is important. If no one can make it on the day, then have it the weekend before, or the Saturday after.
This year we are having a Friendsgiving on Sunday. Everyone is bringing something. I had over committed myself, and then realized I couldn't do that much. My friend graciously rang me and said, I know you're going through a lot, my son's friend will make the pies. I felt such relief! I'm doing brussel sprouts and asparagus, I'm meeting with good friends and their extended families. It's been a tough year, but I am letting myself be grateful...
