Drawing good cards

Had a funny moment with a client the other day.  

She is having difficulties with her ex husband and co parent, and wanted to know more about it. Her ex and his new girlfriend and expecting a new child and she is worried about how that will impact their son,  who is six.  But the cards show he will continue to engage with his son,  which she is ambivalent about.  But we both acknowledged that it's healthier for children to have both parents involved in their lives,  and it's never good to push the father away.  

She drew mainly positive cards around the situation and seemed annoyed that the cards were rosier than she felt. 

I said to her that sometimes anxieties can feel overwhelming in the moment,  but the cards are saying that big picture,  things are going to be okay.   Whilst she feels like the Page of  Swords reversed today,  her outcome was the Queen of Pentacles - grounded,  down to earth and doing well financially.

She took that onboard and said she felt better after the reading... 

Life is a garden

I hate the garden metaphor!  I don't want life to be a garden.  I wanted life to be a marble statue,  once you had actually finished the difficult and terrible work,  and cleaned up all that dusty mess,  it would stay,  perfect,  in shape and timeless for centuries.  I want a Michelangelo statue of life. 

But life is a garden.  Endlessly growing and changing. You plant something,  it thrives,  you are happy.  You plant exactly the same plant,  in a slightly shadier corner,  and it dies.  You clean it, it's gorgeous.  You go away for a weekend and it's full of debris and two new plants - are they weeds that need to be uprooted or are the new plants that will give joy and beauty? And who decides which?

I hate gardening.  To me it's endless work and repetition.  But I love having friends.  I don't find the tending of friendships endless work.  I don't find our conversations repetition.  So in some cases,  I can garden.  I can even look after my dog,  who is a source of such joy for me.  I don't enjoy the cleaning up after him,  but it's a small price that I am willing to pay. 

So life is a garden (sorry!)  But in this garden, you get to decide what you are going to plant,  which plants matter and how often you need to weed/clean.  While I love an elegant French garden,  I think I'm just going to settle in to my wild English garden and relax... 

Failure to Launch

My latest readings have had the same difficult theme.  Mother's coming to a tarot reading, not to talk about themselves,  but to talk about their anxieties for their young adult children.  Kids either not going to college,  just out of college and not looking for jobs,  or looking furiously for jobs,  but not finding them as their degrees start to get stale. 

It's a crazy market out there right now.  I've talked to people about finding jobs and career paths for over 30 years and this is one of the stickiest, worst markets I've seen.  The combination of AI,  world events and post Covid anxiety,  means that many young adults are failing to launch.  And their worried parents come from such a different vantage point,  that most of their advice is no help at all. 

So we talk about executive skills,  we talk about finding work mentors.  We talk about the unspoken reality that a parents contacts can be one of the biggest levers a new graduate can access.  It's really,  really hard to get a job from the internet.  At the very least,  they need some sort of contact within the company or the field.  And luck.  It's not enough to have a degree right now.  They also need some random luck to get them in the door.  And we all know that luck is fickle and unreliable. 

I will warn them that most advice is outdated right now,  because AI is changing things as we speak,  and anyone who says they are an expert on the job market,  well they may have been an expert last week,  but this week conditions have changed.

I tell people to get their resumes looked at by a specialist,  who can put the right keywords in it.  I will also tell them to get their kids into as many networking events as possible (I know, it's effortless for some people and a horror show for others.)  And I tell the adults to look to their own network,  to see if they can get some help there. 

But just knowing that the difficulties are real,  their young adults are not exaggerating,  it's really weird out there, that can help.  I don't have a quick and easy answer,  but it is a numbers game and you have to keep slogging through,  till you get the response you want.  Also,  the first job may not be a perfect one,  but it's better than no job,  and it gets you into the world of work and from there,  you can keep looking.  

And we look for the Ace of Pentacles,  a yes to work and money,  and hope that it appears!

So one of my clients reached out after I published and recommended this book.  I haven't read it, but she rates it highly - Failure to Launch by Mark McConville   I'm always happy to take recommendations.  I hope this one helps! 

Healthy Habits

All of a sudden,  with no conscious input or decision making,  I am drinking more water.  Of course,  I've known that I,  and probably you too, should drink more water.  And it's not that I disagreed with the science or had a good reason not to.  I just wasn't in the habit of it,  and days could go by and I realized that I really hadn't drunk enough liquids.

And then, one day last week, just before I sat before the computer,  I grabbed a large glass of water.  Now I'm drinking 2 - 3 of those large glasses most days.

And I wonder,  why now?  I know this is good behaviour,  but why couldn't I do it earlier and why am I doing it now?

And sometimes you don't have to over analyse your new,  healthier habits.  Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way,  and don't crush this new pattern.  Now,  every time I go the computer,  I grab a glass of water with me.  Here's hoping to cement a new lifetime habit. 

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

Every so often I do a deep dive on a cultural study/ idea that catches my attention.

Today I'm going to look at Robert Waldinger's work.  It's the longest ever scientific study of happiness, staring in 1938 and is still running today (Waldinger is the 4th and current director of the study!) 

This video is short enough (12 minutes) and describes the studies work. 

I think we all know that fame and money isn't where it's all at,  but this study uses a longitudinal scientific study to confirm what we used to know but are somehow losing that grounded knowledge - that what matters to us, to our health,  to our cognition,  to our own measure of our happiness,  is the quality of our relationships. 

 

I always say that I am a herd animal.  It's not about being extravert or introvert,  but an acknowledgement that people and my relationships to them are inherently important to me.  

I often write about friendship but I think I need to focus on loneliness a bit more.  To be in a high conflict primary relationship - either at home or at work,  takes a long term toll on your health and cognition. 

Spending time on quality relationships or time making close relationships better,  helps you feel good, both in the present and in the long term. They are definitely worth investing in and pay off better than fame or extreme wealth!