Leaving 2023

2023 has been a difficult year for me,  both personally and seeing how the world is trending.  So I can find it hard to find joy,  though I usually love Christmas time.  

I read this article by Anne Lamott in the Washington Post - The Dressing Room Encounter that made me get Real about Aging, and it really spoke to me.  She had a line in it - "love and service make us rich."  And it is just so true.  I find whenever I am feeling lost or tired,  being with people I love or serving the community in some way,  just makes me feel better.  

When I meet strangers of a certain age I ask them how many grandchildren they have.  Six one woman proudly replied.  You are so rich! I told her, and she beamingly agreed.  Not that you need grandchildren (or children) to have riches,  but you don't need money either.  You need a sense of place in the world.  Houses of Worship can give that to you,  but so can organizations that you value.  

I belong to the CWA - the Country Women's Association,  a group of practical, down to earth women who try to fix what they can and fundraise for issues they find important.  And they are so crafty!  I so admire a woman who can go to a 2 hour meeting and walk out with a crocheted hat.  It's like magic!  I am not crafty - but I can sell - so I help them get all their hats and aprons and Christmas ornaments together and sell them to others and give the money back to women in the country.   A virtuous circle.

So if you are feeling poor in time and energy,  I hold you in my heart.  It's been a tough year.  But one source of renewable energy for me,  is Love and Service.  Don't have someone to love? Go and give service.  I know it sounds strange but giving to others can fill you up and make you feel connected and then you feel richer in energy, and then you find love - maybe from a person, maybe from a dog,  maybe from a community.  

Wishing you a warm and safe Christmas and with Love and Service to make you rich... 

Notes to Myself, by Hugh Prather

I read this book,  Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather, way back when.  But the book I read was actually the 20th anniversary addition and it had been published in 1970! 

I was reminded of it during a tarot reading recently when a client was describing a book she had written and her desire to get it into print. 

Hugh had written:

After I had written this book I told several friends.  Their reaction was polite and mild.  Later I was able to tell them that the book was going to be published.  Most of them responded with the words "I'm proud of you."  Proud of the results but not of the action. 

Everyone but I must look back on my behavior.  They can only see my acts coupled with their results.  But I must act now, without knowing the results. 

I think we often praise the results,  rather than the effort.  You won an Olympic medal, so much more impressive than just being in the Olympics and coming 20th. But that's 20th in the world!  That's absolutely amazing! 

It is easy to look at the results and decide whether it was worth the effort or not. But we will never know the results beforehand,  and have to decide whether to go ahead or not,  without any assurances.  

All new activities follow the Fool card,  walking into the future, with a song in our heart,  not knowing what will happen, only what may,  what we hope for.  And then finding the purpose of the path only after we have walked it, seeing what it taught us. 

So my encouragement for all of us,  is to start a path,  put in the action,  and let the results come to us. 

7 of pentacles

I often use the phrase "happy with the fruits of your labor" when people draw the 7 of pentacles,  And then I came across this perfect card!

One thing that has definitely changed since I started reading (pre internet!) is the amount of fabulous decks around.   There are so many variations of cards.  Often, if you draw a card in an important position,  I give you homework, to look up other variants that might speak to you more clearly.  

I have loads in my Pinterest folders,  as well as just searching on line.   As I come across alternatives I like, I often add them here.  Keep looking for yourself,  you will be sure to find one that works for you!

Both fun and deep

One of my favorite clients said to me that she always likes our annual readings - they are both fun and deep,  she said.   Fun,  because we laugh,  a lot,  about life and the situations we finds ourselves in. Deep,  because she can be honest about what is actually going on,  and if she wants to know more,  well then the cards are there to shine a light.   

She's in a steady job and a solid relationship,  but she still likes to check in. "It's an hour to talk about myself,"  she laughed.  An hour to take stock.   Our reading didn't foretell anything remarkable.  More of the same,  steady as she goes, was the theme. But she took that with grace - after all,  that's exactly what she wants... 

Making a decision can make all the difference

Some time ago I did a few readings for a very sweet Chinese man.  He knew he was a little too sensitive and took romantic set backs a little too hard,  and he wanted to work on it.

At his first reading he had sad,  wishy washy cards,  where none of the answers were definitive or even illuminating.  I felt embarrassed! But he came back six months later, and his cards had completely changed,  far more energized and to the point.  

I asked him what had changed and he said that he had decided to return home - to China,  For some people,  being a migrant is too hard and they never really establish deep roots.  He had come to the US with a student visa,  but never really found his footing.

However,  the thought of going back,  gave him confidence and energy - which the cards matched!  In 6 months he moved from pages to kings.  At his very center he drew King of Swords x the 6 of Wands.  We were both very excited and pleased to see that.  He also drew the Ace of Swords,  cutting through the fog and confusion,  getting to certainty.  

I was pleased to see how coming to a decision had clarified and energized his cards so significantly.   Sometimes making a decision can make all the difference! 

Resilience

A lot of people come to me,  because they've had a set back or a loss,  and they find it hard to bounce back.  So I read a lot about resilience,  for them and for myself.  

I read an interesting article in the Washington Post recently that concluded that we need to give children more opportunities for independent,  unsupervised play,  and that is what has been missing these past 30 or so years,  and that contributes to feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious. 

And I agree - independence,  negotiating your place with low stakes outcomes,  living in your own imagination, creative play - all these have been part of the human condition for millennia,  and suddenly,  over one and half generations,  they are if not gone,  they've been minimized. 

But I'm not talking to children,  I'm mainly talking to young adults - people in their 20's and 30's.  How does this help them?

Well,  I guess,  you need to find places where you can be a bit independent,  take some low stakes risks,  allow yourself failure.  Allow yourself to feel bad,  and disorganized and even chaotic,  and then still do the laundry and get to work.  I'm a big believe in functioning - that it leads to more functioning which leads to some better sense of self.  Of course some of us over-function,  but I would give them different advice but the same idea - take some manageable,  low stakes risks and let yourself fail occasionally. 

I say this often - don't let the perfect get in the way of the good.   And now I've added,  don't let the imperfect get in the way of the good either.   Just let yourself see the good around you.  Once you look for it,  you'll see more of it.  And the virtuous circle commences... 

Art by Yvonn Zuback, Saatchi Art

Heavy Heart

I have such a heavy heart.  I was traumatized by the attack on Israel,  it was diabolical and evil.  And now I'm so worried for the poor people in Gaza,  who are caught up between the wrath of Israel and the cruelty of Hamas.  I can feel quite overwhelmed by it all.  Worse,  I feel powerless.  

So I force myself to stop doom scrolling,  and just check in once a day to get facts.  Today I listened to Tibetan singing bowls,  just letting the sounds ring through my body; and tonight we sat and ate ice cream at Maroubra beach,  watching the dusk come in. 

And now,  that self care, just seems worse,  when real horror is continuing to unfold.  But I don't know what else to do.  I hate it when it feels like evil is triumphing - when Russia marched into Ukraine,  when girls can't walk home from parties alone lest they be raped,  when people don't feel safe in their own homes,  with their own families. And the secret is not to look away,  but to look clearly.  And take what steps we can to help.  

Rabbi Tarfon wrote: the day is short, and the work is plentiful, and the laborers are indolent, and the reward is great, and the master of the house (God)  is insistent.  It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither can you avoid it.  (from the Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of our Fathers,  2:16)

I love that sentiment - I don't have to finish the task,  but I can't ignore it either.  I must do what I can to bring light and good into the world.  No more and no less.  I'm not going to bring world peace,  but I can bring some peace to my corner,  and I try very hard to do that.  And small deeds,  done with great love,  well that's all we have,  all we can ask for really.  So I am praying for peace in the middle east,  and working for peace in my neck of the woods and hoping for peace for all who read this.  I hope we find moments of Grace,  and I hope we share them,  and the darkness ebbs...