If you could talk to your 22 year old self, what would you say?

I often have 22 year olds come to me,  just graduated,  starting life,  guard rails off,  it's a good time to visit a tarot card reader. 

And so this question resonates for me.  I tell them I wish someone had told me that my 20's will be hard.  I thought,  I've emerged,  the planet was waiting for me,  but it took a good few years and a some really odd jobs till I found my groove.  The 22 year olds are so happy when I say that.  People forget how hard the first few years out of college are. 

Also,  don't sleep with people you don't like.  You won't like them more afterwards.  I tell people that flirtation is like champagne, light and bubbly,  but sex is much earthier.  And if you mix champagne and earth,  often you get mud.  Let yourself flirt and the flirtation be enough.  You absolutely don't have to have sex with someone just because you flirted all night. But if you want to have sex,  go ahead - sleep with who you want,  explore whatever kinks you like,  always use a condom.  And if they say they don't have one,  smile and supply your own.  Pregnancy is the nicest thing you can catch from unprotected sex and abortions are complicated.  

What else would I tell myself?  Nothing I write will be as good as this Dear Sugar piece (from 2011! The internet remembers everything!)  I loved the naive pomposity line.  I was definitely naively pompous when I was 22.

And of course,  I always end with Be Kind to Yourself.  Stop judging yourself and others so harshly.  (wait, was that just a me thing?)  The older I get,  the less I judge.  I too could have/should have/ might have done that.  Give Grace,  it's such a gift - to you and to others.  That's what we all need now - more moments of Grace. 

Heavy Heart

I have such a heavy heart.  I was traumatized by the attack on Israel,  it was diabolical and evil.  And now I'm so worried for the poor people in Gaza,  who are caught up between the wrath of Israel and the cruelty of Hamas.  I can feel quite overwhelmed by it all.  Worse,  I feel powerless.  

So I force myself to stop doom scrolling,  and just check in once a day to get facts.  Today I listened to Tibetan singing bowls,  just letting the sounds ring through my body; and tonight we sat and ate ice cream at Maroubra beach,  watching the dusk come in. 

And now,  that self care, just seems worse,  when real horror is continuing to unfold.  But I don't know what else to do.  I hate it when it feels like evil is triumphing - when Russia marched into Ukraine,  when girls can't walk home from parties alone lest they be raped,  when people don't feel safe in their own homes,  with their own families. And the secret is not to look away,  but to look clearly.  And take what steps we can to help.  

Rabbi Tarfon wrote: the day is short, and the work is plentiful, and the laborers are indolent, and the reward is great, and the master of the house (God)  is insistent.  It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither can you avoid it.  (from the Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of our Fathers,  2:16)

I love that sentiment - I don't have to finish the task,  but I can't ignore it either.  I must do what I can to bring light and good into the world.  No more and no less.  I'm not going to bring world peace,  but I can bring some peace to my corner,  and I try very hard to do that.  And small deeds,  done with great love,  well that's all we have,  all we can ask for really.  So I am praying for peace in the middle east,  and working for peace in my neck of the woods and hoping for peace for all who read this.  I hope we find moments of Grace,  and I hope we share them,  and the darkness ebbs...