Gift of Aging

Most of my clients are under 40.  I'm definitely older.  But there are benefits of aging,  and sometimes I say to them things I wish were said to me,  when I was their age.

In my youth I was so aware of what other people thought or did, and if I fit in and how I fit in, and if they would think I was weird and what it all meant.  So easy to overthink,  and quite exhausting! 

Now,  far less pretty but much more assured,  I'm just me.  I don't care what others think,  and if someone has something to say about my behaviour,  I listen but don't take it on board if I don't agree.  And I can take things on board if I do agree.  It's a gift to know that you don't have to know everything;  that you can give yourself permission to grow and learn and that you know,  deep in your bones,  that you are not perfect and that it's okay. 

Lost Possible Selves

A favorite client of mine told me about this idea in psychology called ‘Lost Possible Selves’. 

Those are the selves you could have been but weren’t. The lives you could have led but didn’t — the people you didn’t marry, the jobs you didn’t take, the children you didn’t have. 

The idea is that as you age, your happiness and sense of serenity comes down to your relationship to these selves you might have been. Are you at peace with your choices and the places those choices took you? Are you grieving over the possible selves you lost? Coming to a resolution is a big part of what it means to not only be emotionally mature, but also to feel free.

I so agree with all of this.  Time to read more Tracy McMillan!

How old do you want to be when you die?

Everyone has a secret number, the number they want to get to, before they die.  Recently I had a reading with a woman who is 78 years old.  She has some complex medical issues.  The cards saw pain and difficulty but then the possbility of a good recovery.   I asked her what number she wanted to get to and she said 93.    If she wanted to live to 80, then perhaps she wouldn’t want to spend 18 months in surgery and recovery, but if she wants 15 years, it is worth undergoing a painful surgery. 

Elizabeth Slettness

We often have these secret numbers in our head and we should take them into account when making decisions.  A friend of mine recently said that he wanted to live to 100.  That’s not my magic number; I worry about finances and frailty and human connection and I don’t think I want to get that far.  But if you do, you should start taking care of things now, so your foundation – health, wealth and community, is solid.