8 Measureable things…

I have read so many relationship books that I can’t remember where I read this or if it is an amalgamation of many books, but this is one thing I’ve often recommended in the past for couples who came to me for counseling.

Create a list of 8 measureable things that you would like your spouse/partner to do for you. Being kind or listening more doesn’t count, it has to be something concrete and quantifiable – e.g. Empty the dishwasher every day without being asked or thanked - or let’s have a designated night in the week where we go out separately, with our own friends – a clear measurable task or event where everyone can know if it has happened or not.. Women often write about household chores, men often write about sex, but not always…

Then you read each other’s lists and each agree to do 3 things on it. People often find their partner’s list fascinating – so this is what you really want from me, right now…

If you can’t manage that, then the relationship is in a sorry state and you need quick intervention/counseling. But most couples can agree and it’s amazing how quickly they feel better about things, as these needs start to get met in a way they can both recognize.


Of the literally hundreds of relationship books that I’ve read, one that stands out and that I happily recommend is Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix

Using Tarot for Personal Gain

A while ago my sister sent me this interesting article… and in it Alexander Chee was writing about how Tarot no longer worked for him, because he had been leaning on it too heavily as he read for himself how lovers felt about him and then no longer felt the need to clarify things with them, and not surprisingly his relationships started to fail.


I have to say it’s been years since I’ve even tried to read for myself. I can read really well for others, but whenever I tried to read for myself, I got mud, and couldn’t see anything. One thing I think, without trying to sound too pure, is that Tarot works best in service. If I serve others, it works, if I use to serve myself, it doesn’t. And that’s the kind of tarot I’m comfortable with.


The author in the article was like the one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind, giving himself too much power and then everything got blurry. But if you understand we are all short sighted, but the Tarot helps us look ahead with more clarity, that’s how it works best.

Beautiful top painting is by Ariel Brearly

Lots of queens

I’ve gone through the cards individually and am now looking at what groupings of cards mean – what does it mean if you draw lots of queens? Drawing lots of any card intensifies the message of each individual card. If you draw lots of Queens it can mean that there are a lot of women in your life, or a lot of feminine energy. It may mean you want more male energy to balance all these Queens or that each queen is a different aspect of yourself.



The Queen of Wands is fiery and sensual, The Queen of Swords is intellectual and can be cutting, the Queen of Cups is intuitive and empathic and the Queen of Pentacles is grounded and nurturing. And all these Queens relate to the Empress, who is fertile with possibility. I always stress that the court cards are really complex and need the context of your individual reading to make true sense of them. (of course, that applies to all cards, but court cards in particular!)