A rant on relationships

I've been reading a lot lately about historical marriages - mainly about the marriages of powerful people,  because they were the ones written about.  Romantic marriage is a very modern idea.  Prior to that,  you married who was your age in the village or who had the land next to yours,  or who you met in your very small circle.  Royals moved farther afield to marry,  but had no choice at all,  and often moved to places where they did not speak the language and had no idea of what was going on for a few years at least.  

It was awful for the women,  but frankly,  it was pretty dire for the men as well.  I know,  I know,  they had the option of mistresses and being mean to their wives.  But they didn't have choice.  They had to marry who their parents or their court or their country needed.  So when we talk about how awful marriage was for women,  and don't acknowledge that men were also not free,  it inflames the incels and makes us seem unaware that many men's situations were also fraught.  

One fact that caught my eye is that I read somewhere (I read so much,  I can never cite my facts,  sorry!) that the great grandchild of Dukes,  the highest rank under Royalty in Britain,  were often in genteel poverty.  So you were the third son of a Duke,  and if you didn't marry well,  your grandchildren would be teachers/struggling civil servants while your brother's grandchildren would be Dukes.   Trust me,  these third son's were very aware of their situations and had to marry well too.  

Of course, once married they could torment and abuse their wives in a terrible way.  I'm not saying it was easier on the women. It was definitely harder on them.  An awful, intolerable situation.   I'm just saying it was difficult for the men too,  even the powerful well born ones.   

Another book I read mentioned how when a man has a several wives (or a hareem),  it can be truly awful for the women there. But it also means,  from a plain mathematical point of view, that if one man has 4 wives,  that means 3 men get no wives.  None at all.  

I guess I just want to say is that both sides have had it tough.  Women spoke up and fought for their freedoms and bless them all for it,  I am the grateful recipient of their battles.  I have a university degree,  I have bank accounts,  I have a life I could have had without them.  

But men had a struggle too and what they have seen is women become increasingly emancipated,  but they didn't feel the same rush of giddy power.  Instead they felt their world get smaller.  

What we want is peace and empathy between the sexes,  so that when we meet,  there is a chance for a genuine connection.  And we can't have that if we are both looking through our blinders and seeing only our point of view.