5 of wands

I had the funniest exchange the other day.  My client had drawn the 5 of wands,  and I went into my usual description of it - there are people,  clashing with sticks,  but it's sticks, not swords,  so it's like a game of hockey,  and if you sit on the field and huddle,  it's terrifying but if you step up and grab and stick and play,  then it's just a game. 

And she said,  a field?  Hockey's on ice.  And then we had to have a cultural exchange.  As an Australian,  we played field hockey at school.  We had these long curved sticks and ran.  Ice hockey was a derivative of field hockey.  She wasn't sure about that,  and we looked it up on our phones.

"Well, I'll be," she said. "you learn something new every day!"

Shades of Green

I read somewhere that humans can differentiate between shades of green better than any other colour,  a gift from our hunter gatherer days, when knowing the difference between all the foliage meant eating well or dying. 

When I was living in downtown New York sometimes my eyes would hunger for the color green.  Now that I live in Sydney,  near 3 golf courses and a national park,  my eyes see all the shades of green every day I walk the dog,  and I'm so grateful. 

If you are feeling stressed,  go walk in some green - in New York, my favorite was Brooklyn Botanic Gardens.  You'll feel better,  I promise. 

Reframing judging yourself

People observe things and then blame themselves - or others.  But I like this reframing I saw online from Jacquelyn Tenaglia, who describes herself as a no bs therapist. 

❌ “You choose toxic people.”✅ Toxic people are everywhere. Letting them stick around is the issue.❌ “You stayed for too long.” ✅ Leaving is hard when toxic dynamics erode self-worth over time.❌ “You should’ve known better.” ✅ Hindsight can be 20/20.❌ “You ignored red flags.” ✅ Sometimes people don’t show their cards right away. Sometimes we choose familiar people over healthy ones. Or hope can obscure judgment. Learning to trust your instincts strengthens your ability to walk away sooner.

I say a lot of similar stuff to people at readings.  Especially about familiar people over healthy ones.  He feels really familiar,  can mean,  he feels like from my family,  which wasn't a good space for me... takes time to tease that one out!   Also hindsight is a bitch,  foresight is much harder to come to,  which is why tarot readings help... 

Looking at today

When your country does something you don't like,  how do you withstand it?  

When people make a large generalization - all men,  all women,  all Americans,  all Iranians,  all Jews, all Palestinians, it can never be accurate.  In a large enough group,  there is rarely an all,  except that we are all human.  I am suffering,  they are suffering,  we are suffering.  And even leaders we despise are sometimes right and leaders we admire are sometimes wrong.   

All I can say is that world is a complicated and fragile place,  and today it feels more of both. 

I shuffle, hearing the susurrations of the cards as they move through my fingers.  I pull out the 9 of swords.  Well we all are there, the anxiety is alive now,  preventing sleep.  So I chose to meditate on the moon card instead.

I send you blessings of tranquility and calm.

What if the cards give me bad news...

A question I get frequently is what if they cards give me bad news? What if they tell me something I don't want to hear. 

And I say the cards say what they say.  And at times I have felt like Cassandra from Ancient Greek myth,  who was cursed to always tell the truth and not be believed.  

But usually,  when I do a reading,  the other person is nodding their heads,  yes,  I knew this,  I didn't want this outcome,  but I can see it.  And so can a stranger with 78 pieces of cardboard.  It's not that I tell you unbelievable things,  it's that I tell you what you know,  without knowing you at all. 

People come to me in times of flux - it's why they want the reading in the first place.  And during the reading they get their intuition confirmed. I didn't want X to happen,  but I can see what the cards are saying.  Even if the news is not what you want,  talking about it, figuring out what's going on,  can give you understanding, give you back some power and help shift the situation. 

Fiction tell us truths

Here's how I love to watch TV - one episode a night,  till it ends.  None of this waiting all week for a new episode to come out,  but none of this watching 8 hours in one day either.  No,  I like to pace myself. So this is why I come to shows a bit late - I wait for all the episodes to come out before I even start.

We are watching Andor right now.  I just finished the arc about Ghorman.   I am moved by the TV show and the characters but I'm devastated by how it resonates with the world today. I actually feel a bit shaky about how bad the news is,  how people  then gaslight us,  telling us we are are making it sound worse than it is, and how evil wins when truth dies.  Which brings me to Mon Motha's powerful speech: 

It feels like people are creating a truth optional world,  where people believe their alternate facts,  and we can't even agree on the very basics.  Feels dangerous to me. And I'm sorry that this is our present state of reality. 

Empathy

There's lots of talk about empathy lately - a idea which I thought was a universal good,  until Elon Musk came out with his strange quote - the biggest weakness of the West is empathy (?!?) 

But here is an article in the Washington Post (from 2011,  so we've known this for a while!) that shows that rats will help a strange trapped rat out of a bad situation for no reason other than they can do it and are willing - so they empathise with the trapped rat,  hearing it's trapped squeaks,  and come and help it out. 

Humans can do this too!  Remember, next time you hear a human squeak in distress,  try helping it out.  Empathy is a universal good, let no one tell you otherwise!

The Dunning–Kruger effect

We discussed this at a recent tarot reading.

The Dunning-Kruger effect, is a cognitive bias,  where people frequently overestimate their ability/capacity at doing something they don't know very much about.  It was first described by two  psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger in 1999.  

So men who say they could beat Venus Williams at tennis (which was a meme that amazed me at the time) are overestimating their skill set in a big way! Or,  people who think anyone could do that before they try doing that themselves

We were talking about a date my client had where her date kept telling her he could do her job better than she could,  and I said,  yes, the Dunning-Kruger effect.  And then I had to describe what I meant,  and she said, you mean it's so common there's a word for it?!  and we both laughed. 

Book Goblin

 I don't even know where I found this,  but it is so cute! 

I also like my books to match and hate when they put out a series in all sorts of different sizes and fonts (I'm looking at you Liaden series!)  So grateful when I realize that I'm not the only crazy one.

Now I'm off to look at Elizabeth Wheatley's books,  if she's created the book goblin she must be on my wavelength... 

Psychic Moments

I believe everyone is psychic, like everyone can sing. Some are natural singers,  some are trained,  some are wild rare talents,  and some are tone deaf.  So it is with psychic abilities - some are natural, you can train yourself to be better (as I definitely have) and everyone has wild moments of knowledge. 

I met a group of ladies in the dog park,  chatting about not much.  I turn to a woman I don't know very well at all,  and casually ask her if she knows about a local apartment that just sold.  I didn't ask anyone else,  I don't know why I asked her. Turns out, she's the purchaser.  (I actually thought she was joking the first time she said it)

She asked if someone had spoken about it,  but I could say in all honesty that no one had mentioned it to me,  and that I hadn't discussed it with anyone else.  And I laughed to myself.  One of those weird wild quirks. 

Teapots

Last year I did a blog about a woman and expensive handbags.  I had fun trolling the internet for handbags to show as examples.  Then recently I wrote about things I'm not buying today,  and how I create Pinterest files about things I love,  and yet am not buying just yet.  

This reminded me of my love of teapots.  I love tea,  drink it all day every day.  I can do a coffee once a week,  but I have tea three times a day.  So I made the fatal error of looking at my teapots Pinterest folder,  and now I am longing to own more teapots.  I have seven.  I mean,  how many teapots can you justify owning? Especially as I drink from tea bags.  (Marks and Spenser Blue box, Bright and Malty - just perfect!) 

So in order to curb my lust,  putting them in the Pinterest folder is not not enough,  I'm now copying them to a blog piece here. 

My current favorite tea pots,  which I am not buying.  Or at least not all of them! 

Ruby Payne Chart

So I'm wandering around the internet and I see this cute chart and it's talking about socioeconomic guidelines and it says that poor people care about quantity of food,  middle class people care about quality of food,  and the rich care about presentation. 

I take that away and mull over it for a while and decide that I agree with that,  and wonder what else was in that chart.  And do you think I can find it?  I search every which way for an hour,  give up,  try the next day.  I never found that cutesy chart again.  But I did find this:

And it's the same information,  but more formally presented  (the chart I saw was definitely more cutesy,  visually friendly, more my speed frankly.) 

Turns out that Dr Ruby Payne has been writing about class, poverty and education for some time, and has all sorts of interesting and deeply considered opinions.  I fell into a rabbit hole of information about her! 

Each day I've been reading a line from this chart and thinking about whether I agree with it,  if it feels true to me,  what resonates.   It's part of my new year's resolution to keep broadening my interests. 

Find the good stuff

"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life, for there is in London all that life can afford." So said Samuel Johnson, man of many literary accomplishments, including writing the very first dictionary.

Sometimes I feel like that about the internet - there are so many jewels,  so much wit,  so many clever thoughts!  And also, so much nonsense,  so much actual awfulness,  so much stupidity.  So while it's hard to be bored,  it can also feel hard to be engaged.  

I'm reading so much enraged triggering stuff - it's like people want to be enraged and triggered.  And then I read fabulous pieces - by Lane Anderson at the Matriarchy Report,  and at  the Great Perhaps by Kim Foster  and I feel so happy and engaged and provoked out of my comfort zone but in a thoughtful and enriching way.   

So I guess like London,  the internet is full of jewels and wonders,  and full of sewerage and idiots,  and it's up to us to find the good stuff... 

I just received an email saying that the authors I recommended on substack are offering 20% off for a their subscriptions.  Go have a look and see if you like them... I have way too many substack subscriptions

Get It in Writing

So a client was talking to me about her work dynamics and she said something so clever I have to repeat it here.

Every time she has an important conversation with management,  or a client,  she writes a thank you email.  Something like - thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me about X today,  your insights were really helpful.  I've clarified that I need to do Y and Z.  I'll start doing that today.  

Or simple words to that effect - which get a written, time stamped confirmation of the talk,  and in effect,  'get it in writing'.  Most times she just gets a 'glad I could help', sometimes she gets further clarification. It's never back fired on her,  but it's a graceful way to get the conversation confirmed in writing.

They're always telling us to get everything in writing.  Here's a simple and elegant way to do so! Also - send that email to your home email as well, so you have access to it even after you leave work... 

Gift of Aging

Most of my clients are under 40.  I'm definitely older.  But there are benefits of aging,  and sometimes I say to them things I wish were said to me,  when I was their age.

In my youth I was so aware of what other people thought or did, and if I fit in and how I fit in, and if they would think I was weird and what it all meant.  So easy to overthink,  and quite exhausting! 

Now,  far less pretty but much more assured,  I'm just me.  I don't care what others think,  and if someone has something to say about my behaviour,  I listen but don't take it on board if I don't agree.  And I can take things on board if I do agree.  It's a gift to know that you don't have to know everything;  that you can give yourself permission to grow and learn and that you know,  deep in your bones,  that you are not perfect and that it's okay. 

Maternal Ambivalence

I went to a talk recently by Dr Margo Lowy,  about her book,  Maternal Ambivalence,  the loving moments and bitter truths of motherhood.  She discussed how mothers are portrayed as endlessly giving and loving,  and any disappointment or rage or ambivalence that she may feel is immediately discounted or judged severely.  

And it got me thinking about ambivalence in general.  We want to be entirely positive or entirely negative about things.  Seeing shades of grey are not often permitted in our culture.  Something is unequivocally good,  or unremittingly bad.  But of course,  life isn't like that at all.  And the closer we are to someone,  the more we depend on them,  the more expectations we have,  the greater the capacity for disappointment and rage.  And if you are raging against a baby,  it's easier to talk yourself down - the vast majority of women are being the best parent they can be,  and though the level of best varies hugely,  very few women are actually careless and evil with their babies (some are,  of course,  but the vast majority are definitely not!)

But with adult relationships,  it's easier to rage,  and harder to talk yourself down.  I'm reading and seeing so much dysfunction in committed relationships lately,  and it's becoming so easy to walk away,  and it worries me.  Any long term married person will tell you there were ebbs and flows in the marriage,  good times,  even great times,  and bad times,  even awful times.  And they worked through it and now the marriage is much more good than bad.  But fewer are working through it, and maybe they shouldn't be worked through, maybe marriages should be allowed to fray.  

But I feel like we are losing something precious,  when we don't let ourselves feel ambivalence, or don't let ourselves know that all relationships,  including parent child relationships,  will have good times and bad,  and that if we work through the difficult,  boring,  enraging times,  we can come to something very good indeed. 

What does success look like

Did a tarot reading for a woman recently who asked me with tears in her eyes 'what does success look like?'  It's such a personal question.  Success can be anything,  depending on where you are coming from.  But many people read their success from the opinions of others - family and friends,  but also strangers.  Why are we giving people such power in lives?  People we may never meet,  people we actually don't like,  and somehow their opinion colors us. 

There's a wonderful card in the Tarot - the last card of the Major Arcana,  called the World Card.

When you draw it,  I say that you are not the center of the world, but the center of your own world,  you are comfortable in your own skin,  you feel you are in the right place at the right time. 

The world card,  that's what success looks like!