Feeling Grounded

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to increase your sense of groundedness.  It's so easy to slip into uncertainty or rage or depression.  If you focus on a sense of being grounded,  of being of the earth,  it's easier to hold true to yourself when emotions buffet you. 

As usual,  I prescribe music and meditation.  They really do help me stay in my body,  stay in myself, let go of the noise. But recently I went to a really excellent healing massage,  and he encouraged me to do a series of Sauna and Ice baths.  I was not sure,  but I trust him,  so I agreed to try.  Twenty minutes in the sauna is a long time to be in that dry heat,  but one minute in the ice bath is much longer!  I only made it for 25 seconds the first time I tried,  but I returned the next week,  and knowing what to expect,  I forced myself to say in that icy water for a full minute.  I really did feel better afterwards,  a bit like I had rebooted myself.   

So if you are looking for something new to try,  give it a chance.  

Taylor Swift

I've always liked Taylor Swift but don't consider myself a Swiftie - I only listen to her songs,  I don't look at how they relate to her life or who she could be alluding to. 

I'm also more active on social media now than before,  so I'm threads most days and she's in my algorithm,  and my goodness, what I am seeing! 

It's astonishing to me,  how people can get so enraged over a singer.  She's exploiting her fans!  She's a ruthless capitalist,  there are no good billionaires,  she's racist.  And on and on and on. 

And I'm bewildered.  If you don't like her,  don't buy her stuff.  She's offering things to her fans.  No one has to buy any of them.  There is complete choice here. She's not selling essential medical care. She's offering you different album covers.  I've never bought any physical albums from her and still get to listen to all the music. 

I guess I just want people to buy what they like,  and leave what they don't.   

 

When you don't get what you want....

I just did a tarot reading for a woman who told me that during her twenties she had been obsessed with this man,  and had prayed many times to God to let him marry her.   She had lost her faith when it didn't happen.  

Now,  ten years later,  she bumps into an old mutual friend who told her that he is in jail for some white collar crime and had defrauded his in-laws so his kids and wife have no safety net at all. 

She wanted to know if I thought God had known this. 

And I said,  sometimes when you don't get what you want,  you have to ask yourself,  was the universe holding you back or protecting you?  Either way,  it's an interesting question.

(I'm a believer in God,  but not in organized religion,  which I find very male centric and makes rules to help the powerful.) 

Current favorite poem

I'm so upset with the New York Times,  a paper I read daily,  which put up an article asking if Women had Ruined the Workplace.  And when they faced backlash over that,  changed the title to Did Liberal Feminism ruin the workplace?  And then,  when that didn't seem to fix the problem,  changed it to  What is toxic Femininity?   Just such an awful question,  which gave rise to lots of thoughtful articles debunking it! 

And in a perfect antidote to that,  I found this poem,  by a poet I have written about before,  Danielle Coffyn

If Adam Picked the Apple

There would be a parade,

a celebration,

a holiday to commemorate

the day he sought enlightenment.

We would not speak of

temptation by the devil, rather,

we would laud Adam’s curiosity,

his desire for adventure

and knowing.

We would feast

on apple-inspired fare:

tortes, chutneys, pancakes, pies.

There would be plays and songs

reenacting his courage.

But it was Eve who grew bored,

weary of her captivity in Eden.

And a woman’s desire

for freedom is rarely a cause

for celebration.

Jews and Tarot

A friend of mine sent me this article,  which I found fascinating!

 

Did crypto-Jews invent the modern Tarot deck?

This is speculation,  but it's very interesting speculation.  They are thinking specifically about the Jean Noblet tarot deck.  I don't read a lot about tarot history per se.  And some tarot cards don't speak to me at all,  while others are almost shouting,  they are so clear.  (I don't really like the medieval styled ones and don't use them for my readings, so don't know this deck at all.)

But the idea that people made the cards perform as mnemonics for their religious practices which had been banned and had to be hidden, is just so interesting. 

I also loved that when Stav Appel (the original formulator of the theory) put his work up online,  he got a lot more support and insight.  

Appel decided to self-publish a deck, and started an Instagram account, where he posted images of the cards and shared his theories on their Judaic origins. Many people began pointing out additional hidden Jewish objects and symbols that he had missed. “People really pushed me, and collectively, we went much deeper into the cards,” he said.

This is what I think is the best use of the internet - to share a passion and get collective knowledge on it.  Whether it be parenting or tarot or anything you are excited about.  When you put your ideas out there and encourage others to collaborate with you, you get a gestalt of knowledge,  a growth that just couldn't happen from you alone.  

I find in these weird times,  it's helpful to me to find positive aspects of the internet,  to help drown out the (noisy!) negative ones. 

Recording the readings

When I do a reading,  we cover a lot of information very quickly.  The cards glide through your fingers and my words pour out.  I encourage people to record the readings,  because I don't always remember verbatim what was said.  And if you don't want it,  you can delete it, no loss.  But if you do want it,  and I can't recall the exact wording,  it's gone.  

As I am doing the reading online,  you can have the reading in the peace and quiet of your own home,  and can record easily.  (another problem was when I was doing recordings in cafes,  sometimes the background noise would overwhelm)

I've had a lot of feedback where people tell me they didn't really understand what the cards meant,  but upon listening to the recording,  they saw it more clearly.  Or they would listen to it 3 months later and see the predictions unfolding.  

I have clients who listen so often,  they say my own phrases back to me.  I have clients who never listen and have stopped recording.  Either way is good,  whatever serves you best. 

Charming cards are from the Cozy Witch Tarot Deck 

Adult Friendships

I've met quite a few women going through divorce (perfect time for a tarot reading!) who talk about friendships.  They were part of a couple,  and knew other couples,  and now they are single and they don't fit as comfortably with their old couples,  some of whom are still seeing the ex,  and what do they do?

I agree that it's hard to maintain friendships after a big life change - you get divorced,  your couple friends still see him and the new partner (even worse if she was the affair partner!) 

It all depends on how much work you want to put into it. 

I have changed countries three times,  each time having to build an entire new friendship network,  under very different circumstances,  so I know how tricky it can be. 

I think we need all kinds of friends.  People with whom we can be deeply emotionally intimate, who know our history.  People we see daily,  often at work,  who we can rely on or who make the day more fun (huge bonus if they are both!)  People we see at the gym and have coffee with afterwards.  People who will go with us to our obscure interest.  People who go dancing with us. 

Having only a few friends to meet all of our myriad needs can be too straining for them and for us.  I have quite a few,  distinct circles of friends and acquaintances.  This allows me to balance out my needs and shift with them.  I have dog walking friends,  I have gym buddies,  I have work friends,  and distant cousins who are always good for some gossip!  I have friends I tell my secrets to and others to discuss politics.   Sometimes I can meet their needs,  sometimes they can meet mine,  and together we can swim through our days - which is what we need friends for! 

Friendship is important to me,  so I've put time and energy into it, and in the 7 years since I've returned to Australia,  I have built some solid, fun friendships.  It's not instant,  but it definitely flowers over time. 

Halloween

I have really fond memories of Halloween in Tribeca.  The entire neighborhood flung itself into the festivities.   We would accompany our younger kids as they trooped all over,  collecting huge amounts of candy from local stores.  Later,  as they got a bit older,  they would race into the apartments of friends and tear through the floors.  Some kids had actual pillow cases full of candy.  And when the parents were completely knackered, the kids would very seriously and quietly sit in a circle and trade candies for ones they liked better.  Sweet times.

Since we moved to Sydney,  especially this quieter suburb of Sydney,  Halloween has been quieter.  My son is much older.  So I decorated our ground floor balcony and bought loads of candy. And only 2 batches of goblins came!  I did like the blow up costumes which seemed to be the trend this year,  especially the girl with the octopus legs all around her (the image is the store sample.)   But I was sad at how few trick or treaters we served.  Especially because I bought so much candy!  They are going to cling to my hips over the coming months... 

Blog pieces

In September I wrote two blogs back to back  - one on mismatched sex drives,  and one on sleeplessness.  And the sleeplessness one out performed the sex one by 2:1

Made me smile.  Clearly we need more sleep before we can think about getting more sex! 

Lily Allen

 I saw Lily Allen once in NYC,  and she was great.  I love her witty,  wordy songs and sly light tunes.   I lost track of her a while ago,  and didn't give it much thought,  but now her new album is out  - West End Girl,  it's so strong and real, raging and present, and achingly sad.  

Madeline is just a brutally honest, angst filled,  beautiful song and as I listen to it, I just think,  honey,  you should have left him the first time you had doubts.  This just drove you crazy!  Clearly open marriages are complicated things,  and once trust is gone,  there isn't much there holding it together. 

Hope she feels better after getting this all off her chest.  I wish her joy and simplicity.  

After writing this my son showed me this clip about their home renovation - even then,  the vibes were weird (but the house is amazing.  I want that house. Not the TV room,  but that garden room off the kitchen, and the kitchen itself,  I feel lust...)

What a wonderful idea!

So there's this ap,  where you can write yourself an email and select a future date,  and it will send you that email on that date.  So you are in today,  writing to future you.  It's called FutureMe. 

Also, you can nominate the letter be published on their site,  public but anonymous. So that's a fun rabbit hole to fall into.

 I just love this idea!  

You can look at what was so important for you 5 years ago,  and see where it sits with you today.  And I hope you can see how far you've come. 

What about the readings that don't work?

Someone said to me that all my reports on my readings are positive,  and why don't I comment on the negative ones?  And I said,  well the negative ones don't usually give me any feedback,  I don't see them again,  so I don't know where or how I went wrong.   I have read for many people only once.  I don't know if it didn't work for them or worked so well that the issue was resolved!  Of course some people expect real magic,  when all they are getting is discussions of the here and now and lots of people want to know 'when' something is going to happen to them without doing the work to get it. So those people are definitely going to be disappointed by any reading. 

I think one thing I have learnt is the more I manage my expectations,  the happier I am - in Tarot but also in life. 

I have had readings where my clients have been disappointed with the outcomes they drew.  That's not at all unusual.  But then the reading is all about how to change the outcome (hard work,  changing what you are doing,  moving out of your comfort zone.) If you don't want to do all the hard work, then it's not going to change.  And that is annoying and disappointing.  I get it.  I've lived it myself.  

Even with Tarot,  even with Magic, there is a limit to the shortcuts you can take.  If you are not getting what you want in life,  there are two questions - are your wants reasonable?  Are you doing all you can to make them happen?  I remember when I was struggling with infertility - all I wanted was a baby.  A completely reasonable want.  Most humans can have a baby if they want.  And I  had done all I could,  been to specialists,  had procedures.  And still the baby didn't come.  After seven long years (such a biblical number!) I finally gave in.  No baby.  So if not a mother,  then what was I going to do?  And about 6 months later,  with no treatment,  I became pregnant.  One miracle child. When people asked me if I would try for more,  I said,  I would take all the miracles I could,  but I wasn't going to chase any of them.  So I've had just the one,  and he was enough for our family. 

Sometimes you have to let go before something can arrive (and isn't that a hideous life lesson to learn!)  sometimes you have to jump the fences and try everything.  Tarot helps you to see which approach will help you more at this point in time. 

Chat GPT

I have had so many discussions about Chat GPT or AI generally lately,  it's astonishing.  Very much in the zeitgeist.   And while I have used AI generated images (my post for Pan Narrans was only AI plays on paintings)  I've never used it for writing or editing my blog pieces.  

I find there's something bland or featureless about the AI summaries.  If I read the AI summary for all the product reviews,  it just feels like mush.  I still don't get a sense of why the product is good or not (Most people liked using X,  a few commented that it didn't work as well after a few months,  but most people didn't have that problem. - meaningless!) I love reading the quirky reviews which sound like a friend has written it - OMG,  I used this knife on a picnic and I will use no other ever again.. - comments like that,  vivid, personal often funny but even serious ones that give you a sense of why someone did something and how - that AI can't capture - yet. 

I would caution against too much AI in important documents - for example some people are writing cover letters for job interviews entirely by AI and I think they sound both bland and insincere.  Of course,  the first read through is by AI - so it has to have all the key words the computer wants,  but when the final 5 or so get to a human - then it has to have something that would catch a human's eye.  By no means a simple feat! 

Just a warning - just as you can sense that something has been written by AI,  so someone can sense something you have presented is also AI.  While it's still in its teething stage, make sure you cast a stern eye over anything you ask it to write! 

Saying of the week

I love this saying and use it often:

If you want to go fast,  go alone.  If you want to go far,  go together

It is so much easier and faster to do things by yourself.  But if you always doing things by yourself,  it can get exhausting and lonely.  We can do it for a bit,  but I certainly couldn't do it for long.

To get far,  you need some support,  you need people on the journey with you.  So find your tribe,  and get going!

(of course finding your tribe can be a whole 'nother story. I'll do a seperate blog about that,  in the meantime you can read this one about friendship.)

Crying and feeling healed

I'm meandering through the internet,  as I often do.  I have a big family event on soon and am taking a break from the relentless planning and doing.  It's all on my shoulders,  as things often are of late.  So I'm a little resentful,  even though the event will be wonderful.

So I'm reading a bit here and there and come across this column from Dear Sugar: The Obliterated Space,  written in 2012. 

And now I'm crying,  and I'm emptied from my petty resentments and I'm aware of things much bigger than me, much better than I'll ever be,  and I'm comforted and hurting and in pain and calmer. 

The article is about grief around death - for one a mother who only lived to 45 and the other a son who only lived to 22. So be prepared for that.  So you'll cry.  But it's also beautiful.  What do we do with pain and grief and rage and loss and how do we live with it.  It's like a soft acid bath that burns away the dross and leaves you with gold.  

This is what the internet is really for - for reaching out and connecting and seeing situations and people in new lights,  seeing yourself in a new light.