Rider Waite Smith Deck

When you first learn about something, and they give you a name for it,  you just accept it. So when I came across the Rider Waite deck,  I didn't really wonder who was Rider and who was Waite and were they missing a name,  I just used the reference points given.

However

It turns out that Rider,  William Rider, is the publisher of the deck - the business person,  the money man.

And Waite,  Arthur Edward Waite,  was the psychic who described the deck.

But

The missing name Smith - is Pamela Colman Smith,  is the name of the actual artist who created those iconic images based on Waite's descriptions.  She definitely deserves to be named in the deck title. 

So now we are calling them the Rider Waite Smith Deck,  or sometimes the Smith Rider Waite Deck.  Either way her name is definitely included!   

So interesting to see who is remembered and honored in history,  and who is excised out. And if we don't look for them,  we'll never find them. 

Four of Cups

Cards often come in waves,  and in decks across the world,  in my readings, the same card is being drawn more often.  This is a four of cups season for my clients.

Four of cups is a sense of not enoughness.   I have 3 cups before me,  but they are not the cups I'm dreaming of.  That fourth one,  out of reach,  in my head, maybe never ever real,  that's the one that has my focus/energy.

And isn't that the world today! The world of instagram and our friends endless holidays (someone is always in Italy and it's not me!) fabulous meals,  marvelous nights out...  It's easy to get dissatisfied with the 3 cups before you,  and yearn for that one out of reach.

But the three of cups is an amazing card,  of strong friendship and connection.

So if you are drifting into the four of cups,  I would encourage you to let go of that one mysterious missing cup and focus on the three cups that are actually there.  Drink your fill from them,  value what you have that's real,  and let the chimeras go... 

Online shopping

I do a lot of online shopping,  and consider myself quite experienced.  But lately I've been having really bad luck - I buy things and when I receive them,  they don't resemble the photos and are not at all what I wanted - the fit is bad,  the look is flimsy.  Or they are good enough, wearable but not really giving joy.  Some of it is my own parsimoniousness,  I'm choosing things which are too cheap, and then, not surprisingly,  they look really cheap.  (That's a life lesson I should have learnt by now!  But the lure of the bargain is so strong!!)

So now I am going back to an old habit.  I'm putting my new selections in the cart,  and then leaving them for a week or so,  to see if they still shine when I go back to them.  And I'm also revisiting my pinterest page - Things I am not Buying today - and letting them sit there.  I can relax,  knowing I won't forget about them,  and then see if I really need it a month or so later.  (and I've also taught myself how to create pins, which is a more cumbersome process than I think it should be,  but at least I am saving my more expensive choices somewhere!) 

Much to be thankful for...

So around this time I often meet super stressed women who are trying to be their own personal Martha Stewart and put on the most amazing meal possible.  The magazines don't help with their helpful suggestions of the perfect pie crust.  It's very easy to get lost in the preparation and be sweaty and exhausted on the day! 

I love traditional meals and can fully understand why you need to have five sides,  each one with it's own special twists.  I love a beautifully set table and a part of me even wants seasonal crockery.  But I don't go there,  because the most important thing about this festival is that we sit around a table and say what we are grateful for this year.  What we hope for next year. And if it takes store bought pie and plain brussel sprouts in order for me to sit at the table and be present,  then that's what I will do. 

So this Thanksgiving I wish you all to be present with the people who you love,  who love you.  And may you laugh at the table and share what makes you thankful. 

Amongst other things,  I'm thankful that my friend has volunteered to do the turkey,  and I only have to bring sides this year!  

Feeling Grounded

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to increase your sense of groundedness.  It's so easy to slip into uncertainty or rage or depression.  If you focus on a sense of being grounded,  of being of the earth,  it's easier to hold true to yourself when emotions buffet you. 

As usual,  I prescribe music and meditation.  They really do help me stay in my body,  stay in myself, let go of the noise. But recently I went to a really excellent healing massage,  and he encouraged me to do a series of Sauna and Ice baths.  I was not sure,  but I trust him,  so I agreed to try.  Twenty minutes in the sauna is a long time to be in that dry heat,  but one minute in the ice bath is much longer!  I only made it for 25 seconds the first time I tried,  but I returned the next week,  and knowing what to expect,  I forced myself to say in that icy water for a full minute.  I really did feel better afterwards,  a bit like I had rebooted myself.   

So if you are looking for something new to try,  give it a chance.  

Taylor Swift

I've always liked Taylor Swift but don't consider myself a Swiftie - I only listen to her songs,  I don't look at how they relate to her life or who she could be alluding to. 

I'm also more active on social media now than before,  so I'm threads most days and she's in my algorithm,  and my goodness, what I am seeing! 

It's astonishing to me,  how people can get so enraged over a singer.  She's exploiting her fans!  She's a ruthless capitalist,  there are no good billionaires,  she's racist.  And on and on and on. 

And I'm bewildered.  If you don't like her,  don't buy her stuff.  She's offering things to her fans.  No one has to buy any of them.  There is complete choice here. She's not selling essential medical care. She's offering you different album covers.  I've never bought any physical albums from her and still get to listen to all the music. 

I guess I just want people to buy what they like,  and leave what they don't.   

 

When you don't get what you want....

I just did a tarot reading for a woman who told me that during her twenties she had been obsessed with this man,  and had prayed many times to God to let him marry her.   She had lost her faith when it didn't happen.  

Now,  ten years later,  she bumps into an old mutual friend who told her that he is in jail for some white collar crime and had defrauded his in-laws so his kids and wife have no safety net at all. 

She wanted to know if I thought God had known this. 

And I said,  sometimes when you don't get what you want,  you have to ask yourself,  was the universe holding you back or protecting you?  Either way,  it's an interesting question.

(I'm a believer in God,  but not in organized religion,  which I find very male centric and makes rules to help the powerful.) 

Current favorite poem

I'm so upset with the New York Times,  a paper I read daily,  which put up an article asking if Women had Ruined the Workplace.  And when they faced backlash over that,  changed the title to Did Liberal Feminism ruin the workplace?  And then,  when that didn't seem to fix the problem,  changed it to  What is toxic Femininity?   Just such an awful question,  which gave rise to lots of thoughtful articles debunking it! 

And in a perfect antidote to that,  I found this poem,  by a poet I have written about before,  Danielle Coffyn

If Adam Picked the Apple

There would be a parade,

a celebration,

a holiday to commemorate

the day he sought enlightenment.

We would not speak of

temptation by the devil, rather,

we would laud Adam’s curiosity,

his desire for adventure

and knowing.

We would feast

on apple-inspired fare:

tortes, chutneys, pancakes, pies.

There would be plays and songs

reenacting his courage.

But it was Eve who grew bored,

weary of her captivity in Eden.

And a woman’s desire

for freedom is rarely a cause

for celebration.

Jews and Tarot

A friend of mine sent me this article,  which I found fascinating!

 

Did crypto-Jews invent the modern Tarot deck?

This is speculation,  but it's very interesting speculation.  They are thinking specifically about the Jean Noblet tarot deck.  I don't read a lot about tarot history per se.  And some tarot cards don't speak to me at all,  while others are almost shouting,  they are so clear.  (I don't really like the medieval styled ones and don't use them for my readings, so don't know this deck at all.)

But the idea that people made the cards perform as mnemonics for their religious practices which had been banned and had to be hidden, is just so interesting. 

I also loved that when Stav Appel (the original formulator of the theory) put his work up online,  he got a lot more support and insight.  

Appel decided to self-publish a deck, and started an Instagram account, where he posted images of the cards and shared his theories on their Judaic origins. Many people began pointing out additional hidden Jewish objects and symbols that he had missed. “People really pushed me, and collectively, we went much deeper into the cards,” he said.

This is what I think is the best use of the internet - to share a passion and get collective knowledge on it.  Whether it be parenting or tarot or anything you are excited about.  When you put your ideas out there and encourage others to collaborate with you, you get a gestalt of knowledge,  a growth that just couldn't happen from you alone.  

I find in these weird times,  it's helpful to me to find positive aspects of the internet,  to help drown out the (noisy!) negative ones. 

Recording the readings

When I do a reading,  we cover a lot of information very quickly.  The cards glide through your fingers and my words pour out.  I encourage people to record the readings,  because I don't always remember verbatim what was said.  And if you don't want it,  you can delete it, no loss.  But if you do want it,  and I can't recall the exact wording,  it's gone.  

As I am doing the reading online,  you can have the reading in the peace and quiet of your own home,  and can record easily.  (another problem was when I was doing recordings in cafes,  sometimes the background noise would overwhelm)

I've had a lot of feedback where people tell me they didn't really understand what the cards meant,  but upon listening to the recording,  they saw it more clearly.  Or they would listen to it 3 months later and see the predictions unfolding.  

I have clients who listen so often,  they say my own phrases back to me.  I have clients who never listen and have stopped recording.  Either way is good,  whatever serves you best. 

Charming cards are from the Cozy Witch Tarot Deck 

Adult Friendships

I've met quite a few women going through divorce (perfect time for a tarot reading!) who talk about friendships.  They were part of a couple,  and knew other couples,  and now they are single and they don't fit as comfortably with their old couples,  some of whom are still seeing the ex,  and what do they do?

I agree that it's hard to maintain friendships after a big life change - you get divorced,  your couple friends still see him and the new partner (even worse if she was the affair partner!) 

It all depends on how much work you want to put into it. 

I have changed countries three times,  each time having to build an entire new friendship network,  under very different circumstances,  so I know how tricky it can be. 

I think we need all kinds of friends.  People with whom we can be deeply emotionally intimate, who know our history.  People we see daily,  often at work,  who we can rely on or who make the day more fun (huge bonus if they are both!)  People we see at the gym and have coffee with afterwards.  People who will go with us to our obscure interest.  People who go dancing with us. 

Having only a few friends to meet all of our myriad needs can be too straining for them and for us.  I have quite a few,  distinct circles of friends and acquaintances.  This allows me to balance out my needs and shift with them.  I have dog walking friends,  I have gym buddies,  I have work friends,  and distant cousins who are always good for some gossip!  I have friends I tell my secrets to and others to discuss politics.   Sometimes I can meet their needs,  sometimes they can meet mine,  and together we can swim through our days - which is what we need friends for! 

Friendship is important to me,  so I've put time and energy into it, and in the 7 years since I've returned to Australia,  I have built some solid, fun friendships.  It's not instant,  but it definitely flowers over time. 

Halloween

I have really fond memories of Halloween in Tribeca.  The entire neighborhood flung itself into the festivities.   We would accompany our younger kids as they trooped all over,  collecting huge amounts of candy from local stores.  Later,  as they got a bit older,  they would race into the apartments of friends and tear through the floors.  Some kids had actual pillow cases full of candy.  And when the parents were completely knackered, the kids would very seriously and quietly sit in a circle and trade candies for ones they liked better.  Sweet times.

Since we moved to Sydney,  especially this quieter suburb of Sydney,  Halloween has been quieter.  My son is much older.  So I decorated our ground floor balcony and bought loads of candy. And only 2 batches of goblins came!  I did like the blow up costumes which seemed to be the trend this year,  especially the girl with the octopus legs all around her (the image is the store sample.)   But I was sad at how few trick or treaters we served.  Especially because I bought so much candy!  They are going to cling to my hips over the coming months... 

Blog pieces

In September I wrote two blogs back to back  - one on mismatched sex drives,  and one on sleeplessness.  And the sleeplessness one out performed the sex one by 2:1

Made me smile.  Clearly we need more sleep before we can think about getting more sex! 

Lily Allen

 I saw Lily Allen once in NYC,  and she was great.  I love her witty,  wordy songs and sly light tunes.   I lost track of her a while ago,  and didn't give it much thought,  but now her new album is out  - West End Girl,  it's so strong and real, raging and present, and achingly sad.  

Madeline is just a brutally honest, angst filled,  beautiful song and as I listen to it, I just think,  honey,  you should have left him the first time you had doubts.  This just drove you crazy!  Clearly open marriages are complicated things,  and once trust is gone,  there isn't much there holding it together. 

Hope she feels better after getting this all off her chest.  I wish her joy and simplicity.  

After writing this my son showed me this clip about their home renovation - even then,  the vibes were weird (but the house is amazing.  I want that house. Not the TV room,  but that garden room off the kitchen, and the kitchen itself,  I feel lust...)

What a wonderful idea!

So there's this ap,  where you can write yourself an email and select a future date,  and it will send you that email on that date.  So you are in today,  writing to future you.  It's called FutureMe. 

Also, you can nominate the letter be published on their site,  public but anonymous. So that's a fun rabbit hole to fall into.

 I just love this idea!  

You can look at what was so important for you 5 years ago,  and see where it sits with you today.  And I hope you can see how far you've come. 

What about the readings that don't work?

Someone said to me that all my reports on my readings are positive,  and why don't I comment on the negative ones?  And I said,  well the negative ones don't usually give me any feedback,  I don't see them again,  so I don't know where or how I went wrong.   I have read for many people only once.  I don't know if it didn't work for them or worked so well that the issue was resolved!  Of course some people expect real magic,  when all they are getting is discussions of the here and now and lots of people want to know 'when' something is going to happen to them without doing the work to get it. So those people are definitely going to be disappointed by any reading. 

I think one thing I have learnt is the more I manage my expectations,  the happier I am - in Tarot but also in life. 

I have had readings where my clients have been disappointed with the outcomes they drew.  That's not at all unusual.  But then the reading is all about how to change the outcome (hard work,  changing what you are doing,  moving out of your comfort zone.) If you don't want to do all the hard work, then it's not going to change.  And that is annoying and disappointing.  I get it.  I've lived it myself.  

Even with Tarot,  even with Magic, there is a limit to the shortcuts you can take.  If you are not getting what you want in life,  there are two questions - are your wants reasonable?  Are you doing all you can to make them happen?  I remember when I was struggling with infertility - all I wanted was a baby.  A completely reasonable want.  Most humans can have a baby if they want.  And I  had done all I could,  been to specialists,  had procedures.  And still the baby didn't come.  After seven long years (such a biblical number!) I finally gave in.  No baby.  So if not a mother,  then what was I going to do?  And about 6 months later,  with no treatment,  I became pregnant.  One miracle child. When people asked me if I would try for more,  I said,  I would take all the miracles I could,  but I wasn't going to chase any of them.  So I've had just the one,  and he was enough for our family. 

Sometimes you have to let go before something can arrive (and isn't that a hideous life lesson to learn!)  sometimes you have to jump the fences and try everything.  Tarot helps you to see which approach will help you more at this point in time.