If you could talk to your 22 year old self, what would you say?

I often have 22 year olds come to me,  just graduated,  starting life,  guard rails off,  it's a good time to visit a tarot card reader. 

And so this question resonates for me.  I tell them I wish someone had told me that my 20's will be hard.  I thought,  I've emerged,  the planet was waiting for me,  but it took a good few years and a some really odd jobs till I found my groove.  The 22 year olds are so happy when I say that.  People forget how hard the first few years out of college are. 

Also,  don't sleep with people you don't like.  You won't like them more afterwards.  I tell people that flirtation is like champagne, light and bubbly,  but sex is much earthier.  And if you mix champagne and earth,  often you get mud.  Let yourself flirt and the flirtation be enough.  You absolutely don't have to have sex with someone just because you flirted all night. But if you want to have sex,  go ahead - sleep with who you want,  explore whatever kinks you like,  always use a condom.  And if they say they don't have one,  smile and supply your own.  Pregnancy is the nicest thing you can catch from unprotected sex and abortions are complicated.  Why put yourself through it. 

What else would I tell myself?  Nothing I write will be as good as this Dear Sugar piece (from 2011! The internet remembers everything!)  I loved the naive pomposity line.  I was definitely naively pompos when I was 22.

And of course,  I always end with Be Kind to Yourself.  Stop judging yourself and others so harshly.  (wait, was that just a me thing?)  The older I get,  the less I judge.  I too could have/should have/ might have done that.  Give Grace,  it's such a gift - to you and to others.  That's what we all need now - more moments of Grace. 

Saturday Night Live

Nothing is so subtle as comedy.  Watching SNL in Australia,  it was fine,  watching it while living in New York,  it was much funnier. 

My husband and I met doing student reviews at university.  They were exactly like SNL with much smaller budgets (and audiences!) but the same manic energy.

We watched the documentary about SNL recently -the first in the series was a  heartwarming sentimental one about the auditions.  But then we watched the episode about the writers which went over in detail how the week was spent.  And I looked at my husband and said,  they do that again the following week?  They must have nervous breakdowns after a while!

It really brought home to me how much hard work and exhaustion goes into the show.  And how much Lorne Michaels, the final curator,  influences the show.  

It's a testament that it has run for 50 years,  and it has given us some of the funniest people on television.  I don't watch it regularly anymore,  but perhaps I'll start again. The documentary series is really excellent. 

Valentine's Day

You know when I liked Valentine's Day the best?  When my son was in kindergarten and we had to make a card for each class member,  boy or girl.  So we would spend the week before Valentine's day gluing and glittering and adding feathers and buttons. 

It was all inclusive,  sharing and silly.   Perfect!

But often my readers find Valentine's a day of performative pressure.  Will he get me flowers,  will it be a perfect date,  did we get the right restaurant booking,  is my friends insta so much better than mine...  It becomes competitive or alienating,  performative or lonely. 

So my advice for Valentines Day - make some beautiful home made cards for dear friends,  don't stint on the feathers or the glitter and let all the other stuff go.  Let's make it fun again! 

Seeing the woods AND the trees

Sometimes I want to write a post and realize it's becoming a maze,  I'm cramming in too much information and meandering through too many trails.  

Sometimes when we are looking at our own lives,  we can't see the wood for the trees - we either get lost in the details or fixated on one issue and can't see the big picture or how things are playing off each other.

That's where a reading helps.  It starts with a big picture overview,  (the celtic cross reading) and then gets down to the nitty gritty (the questions) and hopefully gets you to a clearer place. 

Of course sometimes we want simple solutions to complex questions.  And the tarot can do that too,  but there is always effort and cost (emotional,  spiritual , physical and financial) to shift and you have to be prepared to do that... 

Old and New Love

A while ago one of my regulars came to see me. This was her third reading with me and each time someone comes,  I can connect the dots better.

Last time she came,  interested in someone relatively new in her life,  but the cards didn't like him. She drew the Page of Swords/  Page of Cups/ 7 wands reversed around him.  

This time she came and said because of the cards,  she wasn't angry with him,  or with herself when they broke up.  She could see that they wanted different things.  Neither of them was a bad person,  but he wasn't grounded or ambitious enough for her,  she doesn't want page energy (let alone 2!),  she's 32 and ready for a King.

This time when she asked about love in the future she drew  Strength / 9 cups R / Lovers   Much better, more adult cards.  But also a warning - sometimes the 9 of cups (I call it the fat and happy card) is about contentment,  being happy with what we've got.  But when it's reversed,  it can mean don't settle, it's okay to have standards and boundaries.  Her cards were searching for a proper,  equal Lover this time,  no more pages,  she's worked on her strength and ready for the real thing now. 

Always useful

At a recent reading,  we spoke about what to do while having a panic attack, and I mentioned this.  My client asked for a copy of it,  so I'm giving it to all of you.

Of course you have to remember to do it,  but if you can remember (and take a photo and keep it on your phone) and you do it,  it will help... 

I also recommend taking Suntheanine and Pharma GABA when you feel you are about to have a bad day,  or know you are going in to a stressful situation.  I take them before flying and they have always helped me.  I get the Natural Factors brand and get them from Amazon. 

First Great Book of the Year (for me, it was published in 2011)

I just read Song of Achilles, by Madeline Miller.   I have to confess I don't know or remember much about the Trojan wars.  I know some of the names of the main characters,  and some of the big moments,  but not much else.  

So I pick up this book without much expectation and I'm just swept into the world of ancient Greece.  It's beautifully written,  evocative,  and just feels real,  like a proper retelling.  It has a great sense of time and place,  with small perfect details,  as well as sweeping vistas.  It follows the known story,  but focuses mainly on the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus.  

Also,  don't read the Wiki page if you don't know the story,  because the telling is suspenseful and beautiful.   I was so sad and shaken at the end.  Of course everyone dies - it's a 3,000 year old tale! But how everyone lives and dies just resonates in this book.  I fell in love with Patroclus.  He had a wonderful clear voice.  You don't have to have read the Iliad to read this. 

I'm so happy I found it, and just want to share it as widely as possible.  It was a rich,  honey filled treat.